Sex & Intimacy / 2:47 PM - Sunday May 08, 2011

He lied. Says he is unsure. I want to remove sex.

I've been dating this guy for 5 months and we've gotten pretty close...so close that we are playfully discussing marriage and have even gone to look at wedding halls. I'm 37; he is 42

Last week I discovered that he has a 21 year old daughter I didn't know about. I discovered this because I was over his place using his computer and the child support document was on his screen. I asked him about this and he said that this happened when he was just a teenager and he was really really ashamed. He said that he planned to tell me on his own, in a few months when he was sure of the relationship.

Well I am pissed. I feel like if you're not sure of us why are we going to see wedding venues ?!? AND how could you keep such a secret ?

Because I'm not sure what his true motives are anymore, I don't feel like playing wifey anymore - having sex, cooking his meals, etc. I believe that sex is for people in committed relationships that are ultimately headed toward marriage and I don't want to sleep with him if I don't trust his intentions....what do you guys think ?

- Asked by A Thinker, Female, 36-45, New York, Who Cares?

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Yes, if you are the kind of woman who uses sex for manipulation and withholds sex when you are upset about something, any sane man would be "unsure" or worse.

- Response by greenwind, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 56-65, Construction

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Community Rating: Community Star

I think u are way over reacting

- Response by bigcurt, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 46-55, Pittsburgh, Self-Employed

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well sometimes out of extreme shame and regret, we, as men, do not disclose things.

If I told you what a POS I was in my past, you'd have been out the door on the first date.

- Response by sillyrabbit879, A Guy Critical, Male, 36-45, Retired

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He's been playing you.
Dump him.

- Response by chessplayer, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 36-45, Administrative

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that makes sense, stop holding up your end (50/50 mind you) of the relationship, that totally works, it makes everything better, it makes him want to be around you more, want to love you more, want to be a good man for you more, makes him want to talk to you more

rock solid idea on your part

or you could act like an adult, he doesn't have to pay for the kid anymore, and guess what 5 months ain't SHIT as far as dating goes, thats still the early steps of dating, thats barely a reltionship, just starting off

honestly if you will do the work to throw away love you have been working on for 5 month, then i say do it, cause he desevers better

you are trying to PUNISH him, not help the relationship, you want to punish him, he is not your kid, your plan will back fire

and i am not saying to cook or have sex, i am saying your an adult and should act like one, you should be able to see this as not THAT big a deal for this EARLY in dating

if you can't get over this, then it is better you leave him to find someone who will TRUELy love him

aloha