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Will I ever find a guy willing to wait until marriage for ALL sexual activities?
Sex & Intimacy / 3:13 AM - Saturday April 23, 2011

Will I ever find a guy willing to wait until marriage for ALL sexual activities?

Hi, I am a 25 year old virgin and I'm abstaining from all sex till marriage. I was just wondering if I will ever find a good guy willing to wait. And please just answer MY question. I don't want to hear about sexual compatibility or you wouldn't buy a car before test driving it rubbish, only stupid and shallow people think like that and I don't want to hear it.

Besides love has nothing to do with sex, and I know that the sexuality compatibility thing can be worked out over time, where as love can't, it's either their or it isn't. It has nothing to do with if your compatible in bed or not.

The only guys I know who were willing to wait are older 30s, 40s and of course happily married to their virgin brides. Also yes I would rather die a virgin than have sex before marriage, so if I never get married, I will never have sex, and would be fine. Just putting that out there for any dumb people who will bring it up.

- Asked by Female, Who Cares?

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Yes it is possible. Me and my guy met and then found that we both believe in waiting. We met through an old friend and neither of us were looking for a relationship and we have now sorta of been together for 4 years in July. If you don't let that define your life you will find someone without really looking

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 22-25, Student

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It's pretty simple, really. Sex is designed to be fun. Absolutely no one will deny that.

It's even MORE exciting, heart racing, when you are crazy in love with the person. If you aren't, then it's just mechanics. Innies and outies, if I may be so blunt (just reporting the news, here). So, then, you are missing out on the essence of the thing, if you do it with someone with whom you're not in love.

Bless you! That is so sweet ... most gals have been brainwashed into thinking they are really weird if they don't want to do what you and most "nice guys" find as normal. You've heard of the chemical that is released in a woman's brain during sex, oxytocin, that binds women to men? So, you can be making some bad decisions due to hormones, afterwards, with a fixation that may not be love. This explains all the young gals with babies, and no dads in sight. Men don't experience that. Not to mention the consequences of STD's or abortion ... out of wedlock ... and some will try to force the latter on you.

Truly, religious people hold the same values you do, as fornication is a form of adultery, which is one of the Big Ten. So, the answer is truly: Seek your own Kind!

The right guy finds it very admirable, and respects you more. If he is the right guy, he's also a virgin, so he gets it. No need for further explanation, that's the guy who won't be pressuring you. Voila!


- Response by naiveladyquestions, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Other Profession

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Yes you definitely will. My wife was a virgin bride and she was also 25 when we got married. I happily waited for her. A virgin your age is extremely rare and special, do not give it to anyone who isn't your husband! If a guy isn't willing to respect your decision he doesn't deserve you. Lisa Kudrow (Phobee from Friends) waited until she was married at 27! And the world's sexiest underwear model Adriana Lima(Victoria's Secret) remained a virgin until she was married at 26. I am a guy and even I will admit most guys are dogs lol! Yet if you are patient you will find the one for you and he will happily honor your decision. Never compromise your values to please a guy. Remember any guy who would leave you for not giving him sex, will leave you after you give it to him. My wife said remaining pure till marriage was the best decision she ever made.

- Response by A Life of the Party, Male, 46-55, Other Profession

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Let me ask you a question in view of the fact you over simplify everything..
My question. Would you buy a very expensive car, sight unseen.?

- Response by duggers, A Guy Critical, Male, 66 or older

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Yes if you are really a virgin you should have no problem finding a guy who will wait. Guys are jumping through hoops for legal virgins nowadays. The only thing guys have a problem with are sluts who had sex and then decide they want to wait. That is bullshit.

- Response by A Rebel, Male, 36-45

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Yep, they're out there. You might have to look quite hard because sexual morals are not what they once were. You could concentrate your search on men with strong religious beliefs; it seems to me that the athiests would screw the crack of dawn.
Whilst I agree that love is not workable, it has to exist, I would however, suggest that sometimes sexual compatibility is difficult if not impossible to work out.
I'm not suggesting you abandon your virginity (unless it's with me - I'm single), just to realise that sex is one of a number of problems that may or may not occur in a long term relationship.
I applaud your decision to abstain. Possibly until death. I didn't and discovered that it's even nicer than people tell you. So I miss it. You can't miss anything you never had.
I hope you find someone appropriate and that it all goes well. Just remember that the love is more important than the sex.

- Response by 1jealousguy, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 56-65, London, Artist / Musician / Writer

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my wife and i waited. its rare nowadays but keep searching. good luck.

- Response by j3s5e, A Rebel, Male, 29-35, Who Cares?

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I admire your belief and values.

I am 24. I am not a virgin.I was 21 when I gave mine away. I was very curious about sex, not because my friends were into it but because it was my own wants and needs. I just made sure I gave my virginity to the right guy. Someone I could look back and be okay to say, "He was the first". I must note that, I made him wait for 3 months until we were sexually active together - I think when he is willing to wait, until you are ready, no matter how long, then that's a good man (He was 22 at the time). Even though I am no longer with him, I still don't regret giving my virginity to him.

These days, generation Y are less committed and are more into casual flings. I seriously do not know many people that are abstaining from sex til marriage. Like, I seriously do admire your conservative attitude here but I seriously do think you're missing out - and you don't even know it. Sex is a very important ingredient to love and love-making..And when sex is bad, it can do some damage to relationship. Akot of couples breakup because of sex and intimacy issues.... just saying.



- Response by wwwwww8888, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 26-28, Sydney, Teaching

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hi!

i can't believe you have NEVER tried anal sex with a kitchen table leg at your age! wow!!

i know gals who have waited for the right kitchen table and chair set to come along.. well into their 70's and 80's... before whipping out that old k-y- jelly (oh, and believe me, given their age, that is some VERY old k-y jelly!!!) but never found the kind of satisfaction that they 'wood' have, had they started utilizing their furniture for sexual gratification in their hot, hotttt mid-twenties!

happily married at 40, with a new set of kitchen furniture! why wait, i ask??? WHY WAIT?!?

- Response by two469, An Alternative Girl, Female, 18-21, Seattle, Science / Engineering

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Anything is possible. Probabilities are slimmer, but... hey!

- Response by mikegeeboyd, A Life of the Party, Male, 56-65, Artist / Musician / Writer

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it is possible but unlikely

- Response by bigcurt, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 56-65, Pittsburgh, Self-Employed

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Yes if you're that particular you will; you just have to realize it's going to be a VERY long wait. Given the sexual morality of today's society and of the younger generations who have been pretty much brought up with sexuality and nudity, etc. the "test drive" concept is more popular than the "wait for marriage" one. Now, that said, are you expecting that HE will also be a virgin?? If so, that's going to limit your possibilities EVEN more. This isn't necessarily about sex, it's about a man respecting your wishes to abstain completely until you're married.

- Response by lioness21, A Player, Female, 29-35, Consulting

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Most men learn that if a woman has one serious hangup, she's likely to have more where that one came from.

- Response by chesterdad, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 56-65, San Francisco

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Its admirable that you want to wait until you get married until you have sex.

However, the sad reality is that most men will find it hard to not only wait but to commit to marriage without, as you say, "test driving". And, I can't find too much fault with their thinking. Marriage is (or should be) a lifetime commitment. Its hard to pull the trigger on that deal without knowing as much as possible about your prospective partner.

Think about it from his point of view. What if you hate sex? What if its something that you waited 25+ years for and then you find out its not that important to you? And, he's got a healthy sex drive... What then? Things like this are important in the decision making process.

I'm not suggesting you are wrong with your morals. I think its refreshing. Its not impossible for you to find Mr. Right who will wait. Its not impossible for you to find him and everything work out just fine. The probability, however, works against it. But, it works against everyone. A lot of marriages end in divorce. The biggest reasons are money or sex.

I wish you luck and I truly hope that it works out for you.

- Response by A Guy Critical, Male, 36-45

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Anything is possible. But you do want to keep the odds in your head.

Let us assume that most guys are not right for you. That leaves a very small number that you could love, regardless of sexual activity.

And let us assume that all guys are virgin at some point in their lives. But about 16 or so, they start losing their virginity at a pretty high rate. Of course so do the women. Even at 18 to 20 there are probably a lot of virgin men available.

But by your age, the pool is getting really small. And the number of virgin guys who might be attractive to you is a very small number. While I am pretty sure that the guy you want is out there, your odds of running into him are pretty low. Especially since you have to spend some time with each available guy to determine if he is acceptable and to find out if he is virgin, and to determine that he is willing to wait.

I have a good friend who is a virgin. She, like you kept looking, and wanted to be married, but past 40 there are almost no virgin guys (movies don't count), and of those that there are, none met her high standards.

But she, like you, is willing to accept the consequences of not lowering her standards, and is still single going into her 50's.

I do wish you luck. I really do think the guy you seek is out there, I just have no idea where he is or how to attract him.

And finally, a note about sexual compatibility. There are differences in physical sizes and sexual drives that cannot be worked out. Like a coach in the NBA said, you cannot coach height. The same for lenght, if the guy is too big, or to small for you, sex is never going to be good, or perhaps possible for you and the frustration lives forever. The same can be said for drive. If you want sex at wildly different intervals, someone will be very frustrated most of the time, and neither of you will be very happy.

Good luck

- Response by welloone, A Mr. Married Guy, Male, 66 or older, Retired

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Why ask for advice and then dismiss the truth because you don't want to hear it?

Will you ever find a guy willing to wait? Sure.
Will the guy be worth having? Probably not.

Here's why:

Any guy who would prefer you because you are a virgin is just as shallow as you are for thinking that your hymen is the be all and end all of life on Earth.

- Response by chessplayer, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 36-45, Administrative

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Will you ever find a guy who will wait until marriage? Possibly, but if you being a virgin is all you're bringing to the table, yeah. I don't see your marriage lasting very long at all. I have to admitt that yeah. I'm impressed that you held off for so long. That is a real accomplishment. Props to you for that. I'm sorry to say this though. Love and sex go hand in hand. You CAN'T just be emotionally comapatible with someone. You need to be physcially, emotionally, and psychologically compatible with a person to really have a true relationship with them. For you to say "love has nothing to do with sex", is like saying "air has nothing to do with breathing". It really does. Some people used and abused sex and turned it into that thing you do just because. Yeah that sucks for them, but it isn't always a bad thing. Not everyone is like that. Sex is a HUGE part in a relationship regardless of what anyone has ever told you. You need to be connected with a person on all aspects. Not just one. I really believe the only reason you will never have sex, is because you have NO idea what it's about. You never really appreciate the power of an animal until you experience it for yourself. Have my husband and I both had multiple partners? Yes of course. However, are we madly in love with each other? More then you could ever imagine. Its no because we are only emotionally compatible. We are both physcially compatible as well. We filled our needs in all aspects needed to maintain a healthy, long lasting relationship. The absolute BEST relationships are the ones built up on all levels. Not just one. If you look hard enough, I'm sure you'll find someone who is everything you wanted and more, however, if you don't know about something, don't run around acting like you do. No body like a know it all...especially one who is genuinely clueless

- Response by sillysquids2, A Thinker, Female, 22-25, Who Cares?

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I really enjoyed finding out that your intact hymen makes you superior to everyone else and that anyone who doesn't agree with you is "stupid and shallow." Yes, I can see how never having fucked makes you sooooooooo special.

Morals, shmorals. Just admit it - you play the virgin card because it makes you feel better than everyone else.

- Response by justpassingthru, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Financial / Banking

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Yes. There are some men who feel as strongly about waiting until marriage as you do. And some who don't want to have any type of sexual gratification. You just have to meet them. As time goes on, it get harder and harder to meet those type of guys. Because, they will at least want to satisfy their needs even if it's not through full-blown sexual intercourse.

There are men in churches that desire sex and are having premarital sex too. So, that isn't a sure thing either. You know what you believe and you want. Just don't settle for any man that doesn't respect that or believe about it as you do. Don't put yourself in situations where your sexual desires will be strong. I think you need to be realistic though. You're 25. Right now, your body isn't physically craving sex or the intimacy of a man's body.

Right now, you're just satisfied with the strong determination and knowledge that you want to wait. The older you get the more sexual desires you'll have. If you don't have many opportunities to be tempted, it's easy to feel as you do. However, when you start having options, you'll have to do more than talk. You'll have to fight against your body's own natural desires. This will not be easy. I don't care how strong your belief is. You'll want to play around with satisfying yourself or having someone do it. And, you'll convince yourself that it's not "really sex."

But, it is sexual activity that is not with your husband. As you get older and you've never had a relationship you'll start compromising. Because, you'll believe it's unfair to obey this if it means you'll never have anyone love you. It's easy now to say you don't care if you live to be a 90 year old virgin. But, you will not feel this way as you get older. I'm not trying to negative or doubt the power you're expecting to keep you obedient. I'm being realistic.

You are right with what you're saying about love and sex as it pertains to successful relationships. Those who choose to have sex outside of marriage and don't believe as you do aren't dumb. Nor does it mean those who engage in sexual relationships outside of being married have to be bad and not good men. Some people simply disagree with the purpose for abstaining. I hope you stick firmly to what you believe. I hope you receive what you're truly seeking from a good man. And, you'll be that good woman for him as well. I hope you have great happiness in your relationship and that it will be very successful. It is possible.

- Response by thelovedovefor1, A Creative, Female, 46-55, Atlanta, Who Cares?

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Of course you can find a young man who feels as you do! You need to look in the right place--like Church or some sort of Christian activity. You would make a good wife for a Pastor some day. It is no ones business but yours what you do with your life.

- Response by kmf1, A Life of the Party, Female, 46-55, Minneapolis, Who Cares?

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You are not looking for answers here, you are looking for support from fellow true believers. You obviously brook no disagreement with your rigidly held ideas that are cast in stone. You use terms like "only stupid and shallow people" for those of opposing viewpoints." Your own words "love has nothing to do with sex," betray your jaundiced views on sex. You state "I would rather die a virgin than have sex before marriage." That is as absolute as a statement can be. Needless to say even a fanatic such as yourself on the issue of sex, realizes that you are out of step with social mores and even human nature. That much said, it is your life and your values and you are of course free to have them. However to find another with these same values may indeed entail a lot of looking.

- Response by gilpill, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 46-55, Chicago, Internet / New Media

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sounds like your just waiting for a breeding permit.but in the real world such things dont exist the purpose of marriage is to be together and to support your children,weather they are actually yours or not is irrelevent.the purpose of being a virgin was to guarantee that the child was in fact the fathers.with dna testing that now becomes irrelevant and easily proven so your waiting to be owned by your husband? to be his sole breeding partner? and then what?people change good luck on your journey .the women i chose to have kids with turned out i couldnt stand them afterwards, and our sex life sucked to the point it killed our marriages.the new wife we get along great sexually and we wont be having kids as we are both fixed so what again is your point?

- Response by kjman, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 46-55, Construction

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Yes you will find him, you just have to be patient. Never compromise your morals for anyone.

- Response by ufohunter, A Creative, Female, Who Cares?, Seattle, Military

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It's a wonderful premise, waiting for marriage. Do you want your future partner to do so to?

How will you know he has?

You see, female chastity and virginity as honour and marriage concepts were written into ancient society and religious literature to ensure that when a guy married, his wife wasn't up the duff with someone else's kid. The literature might say that virginity is required to be a good Christian (for example) but with guys you just can't tell. He could be a virgin. He could be as active and infected as a docklands whore.

Virginity is a control mechanism.

If you are as intelligent as you reckon, examine the motives behind your thoughts - I would bet you all of my orgasms to date that they are the result of ignorance, brainwashing and pure idiocy.

Jerk me!

- Response by alex86, A Hippie Chick, Female, 26-28

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THE QUALITY OF SEX VAReS FROM girl to girl, I can assure you, No two are alike, the same goes for male lovers,Once you are married it is your life for 40/50 yrs. What if you marry a dud.?
We were given a brain to think with.

- Response by duggers, A Guy Critical, Male, 66 or older

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Your right about love has nothing to do with sex, thats why married guys that get cutoff from their wife go out and find sex, and probably enjoy it also, I know.

- Response by kerr1957, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 46-55, Chicago, Political / Government

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