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How do you deal with a husband that is never happy?
Married Life / 9:28 AM - Monday April 18, 2011

How do you deal with a husband that is never happy?

He hated his boss, his boss got fired... so then he hates that he doesn't have a boss to report to b/c he doesn't like being in charge. He hated that he had to travel for work, so the owner of the company cut his travel time down to nothing, then he hated that he didn't get to travel and see his friends out of town, so then the owner of the company started giving him trips again... guess what now he hates that he has to go just for one day a week. He hated that I worked so much and couldn't take vacations, I quit my job, now he hates that I don't work (I do take care of the house as well as still work on investments). He hated that we lived in a condo, we moved to a house, now he hates houses. Everything is a constant reason for him to be misereable and I am so tired of it!! I've told him he could leave and take off work for a couple of months and I would cover all the bills if that would make him happy.... b/c he seems to hate everything. Big surprise, he doesn't want to do that, he just wants to complain and be the victim. I can't take it anymore!!! I've started doing my own thing and just ignoring him, so he's become more outlandish with his antics for negative attention. He just doesn't get it or am I missing something?

- Asked by Female, 29-35

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How did I deal with my spoiled, childish, kvetching husband? I divorced him.

- Response by trawna, A Career Woman, Female, 46-55, Toronto, Consulting

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Community Rating: Community Star

Have you ever heard the story of the Little Blue Bird, I think it applies here. He sounds like he's only truly happy sitting in a pile of sh_t!

- Response by bambi58, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Indianapolis, Retired

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You can only be a supportive wife and listen to him vent. He is the only person that can choose to be happy and you can't do it for him. Talk to him. Maybe there is more going on and he doesn't know how to tell you.

- Response by debski, A Career Woman, Female, 36-45, Detroit, Science / Engineering

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What you can't bring yourself to believe is your own assessment of your husband that seems very well developed over much time, support and opportunities for him to be happy. Some people live to bitch and complain about how bad their life is. He will never change because this is more than how he chooses to act - It is who he is.

You did the responsible partner thing of sticking with him so up to a point that could be seen as admirable. After a point and certainly now it is you being stupid and refusing to accept who your husband really is. I know how it is, on a deep level you feel like you earned him being someone better. But he is who he is, and he always will be. He does get this and it is even worse than him not caring about how it impacts you - He does this shtick knowing fully how bad it drags you down and he doesn't care because the behavior pays off for him.

I don't buy that you quit your job to make him happy. You quit your job because you don't want to work. Now that divorce is your only way out I think you should declare lazy time over and you need to look for a job. Ignore his antics and keep going out with friends or building a life on your own because very soon you will need that support structure when whatever codependent benefits of being with mr negative are gone.

- Response by A Guy Critical, Male, 46-55, Technical

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Yikes! How draining... I am sorry you have to put up with this. Has he ever been evaluated for depression? If depression has been ruled out, he just may be one of those unhappy people. In which case, you have a choice- do you want to deal with that your whole life? Personally, I would not...

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 36-45

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