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Why does he keep coming back?????????
Dating / 10:01 PM - Friday April 15, 2011

Why does he keep coming back?????????

I was madly in love with my ex and still love him very dearly however he broke it off with me in Jan 2010 because I was behaving insecurely and was taking all my stress out on him. Since then he has made contact with me sporadically only to disappear for months at a time. Sometimes there was intimacy involved and other times not. I moved out of state right after the break and he actually flew down to see me in Jan 2011. After one night of being here, he ended up having a meltdown, freaked out and flew back home the very next day. It was a very traumatizing situation. He called a few days later and told me that he ran away because it dawned on him that he had come here and let all his walls down without even realizing it, and it scared him because he still does not trust me 100%. He told me that he loved me and felt a huge void without me. Needless to say this broke my heart. I tried to get him to start communicating back with me but he wouldn't answer me after that, so slowly I've started the process of trying to move on...again. Fast forward to today and he sends me a text message saying that he just wanted to say hi and that he hopes I'm doing well....I swear I just don't get it. Why does he keep popping up? What should I do. What does he want? I'm still in love with him but I don't want to be taken for a ride.

- Asked by A Cool Mom, Female, 29-35, Political / Government

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The point here is that he IS taking you for a ride, and he has been doing it over a year. You need to cut him loose and move on. If he makes up his mind down the road, that will be different. Right now he doesn't know what he wants and is basically stringing you along because he both does and doesn't want you. The question is: do you want to be around when he makes up his mind? What if this continues for another year? Every time you start healing and moving on, he pops up. I'd say to cut contact and try to let go. If he is having meltdowns and can't trust you, then he has his own issues to deal with. Good luck.

- Response by undecidedfuture1, A Creative, Female, 36-45

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This happens in my life, too. Until a few years ago, I stayed on the merry-go-round. Not that it's worked out too swell, but that's another story. I put my foot down, first with Peter (8 years ago), later with Jerry (5 years ago) - what's beautiful is now we're just dear, genuine friends with warm memories. And our contact, however sporadic, is always joyful, nostalgic, and deeply sentimental; and we are truely happy for the other's happiness and sympathetic with the other's sadness; and we're genuine counselors for each other - always with nothing but the other's best interests in mind. When a new man is in my life, he usually doesn't like it, but...lovers come and go, its friends who stay forever. If and when the man comes along who will both be able to keep my heart and deal with the whole of my life, I utterly expect he'll bring his whole life with him, too. Something about getting along well with your exs demonstrates a capacity for deep love to me. I don't know, maybe it's just me.

- Response by islandhopper88, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 46-55, Who Cares?

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He keeps coming back so that you won't move on.
Stop letting him come back. If you do, he will only hurt you.

- Response by roaminginsomniac, An Alternative Girl, Female, 46-55, Law Enforcement

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Unfortunately he is immature and I am not sure he will ever grow up.
You should move on with someone new because he is going to remain unstable unless he gets Professional help.
My X was like this we are still friends but not close.
He has popped up through out my life. He still does.
I am married and he finally is. We have lived far apart for many years. Since college.
He is very annoyed that I don't always have time to speak at his convince.

- Response by philosopher1, A Cool Mom, Female, 46-55

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