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Why do we, women, feel like we need a man?
Dating / 5:51 PM - Thursday April 14, 2011

Why do we, women, feel like we need a man?

I don't want to generalize but me personally feel like I need to have a man in my life to be happy. If I don't have one I'm sad and lonely. And anytime anyone shows interest in me even married guys I go for it. And then I always end up heartbroken. How do I stop this ugly cycle.

- Asked by Female, 29-35

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I'm going to get sooooooo much FLAK from this.
What's all this crap about insecurity?
Yes, you have to be able to stand up on your own. But someone recently posted on here, "What is another word for single?"
My answer was, "Incomplete".
I can run with your desire to have someone to have, hold and treasure. Two people are more than the sum thereof. I believe it to be valuable.
I'd avoid the married guys though. Damn, even the single ones are hard work. Just hang in there, keep trying. There's someone for you. They'll make you complete.

- Response by 1jealousguy, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 56-65, London, Artist / Musician / Writer

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Professional counseling is my recommendation. Get to the bottom of why you have no self-esteem nor self-worth nor self-actualization and why you insist on unhealthy abusive codependent relationship.

- Response by utahmom, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Managerial

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Community Rating: Community Star

Women need that wiggly bit attached to a man. D

- Response by duggers, A Guy Critical, Male, 66 or older

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If you feel like you need a man, find one. A married man is not what you want. If he is cheating on his wife it shows he is not capable to keep his promise and would also break it with you. If you find a single man and he is nice, give him a try, but let him lead...that way it leaves no pressure on him and lets him either choose you or move on, that way it goes faster to find out if it will work with each other. What are the reasons you end up heart broken? Cause they are married and wont leave their wives? I know I need a man always, I will admit it. Women are just weaker then men, Maybe not mentally, but physically , most of the time... we are, except in our legs. And lets face it, there are some things in life we women struggle to do, like change tires, or open the pickle jars, building our huts and mowing the lawn. ;) I bet feminist hate me.. I am not saying we can't do it ourselves, but it is helpful to have someone who can do these things easier. Its the way things are meant to be.
Men need us also.

- Response by thegirl8000, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 26-28

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You could talk to us "been there done that" elder sisterchicks and take it to heart when we say, "It's a phase of life, sweetie!" Sorry to burst your bubble, but I learned by sad experience that my elder sisterchicks were right all along: Life begins at 40! And it just gets better as we get older.

Today you have options: raise your standards for yourself and live by them with no exceptions i.e. let the married guys who think nothing of cheating on their wives and stealing so many years from single girls like you who've been willing to "look the other way" and pretend it's alright - like you'd be totally cool with your husband screwing around on you; develop career, hobbies and interests that take up your time instead of whatever it is you do that leaves so much time to "feel lonely"; get a dog - they rarely cheat, never really have a wife on the side, and only lie on furniture...

Hold yourself to high standards, be patient, learn to spot & dump jerks quickly, and have faith you'll meet "Mr. Right" when the time and you are right.

Take care!

- Response by islandhopper88, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 46-55, Who Cares?

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You feel like that because you have very low self esteem... low value for yourself... no self love, possibly depression. It's not healthy and I'd recommend seeing a professional that can help you come and be a stronger person.

You need to love yourself before you're capable of loving someone else, after all.

- Response by missbelle00, A Hippie Chick, Female, 26-28, Student

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I only need a man to keep me satisfied, when I hear my friends complain about their bfs or husbands I realize how lucky I am that I don't have to deal with that bs anymore!

- Response by anrade, A Trendsetter, Female, 29-35

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I take it that your father wasn't around you growing up. And if he was around, he didn't treat you right. I think the way we view men is based on how we were raised. My father has always been in my life and was always overprotective. So I never ever felt like I needed a man because I was raised partially by a man. The less male attention you got growing up the more you'll be searching for it when you get older.
I would suggest you spend time on you. Leave men alone for a while and search for better things in life then attaching yourself to a man. The reason why you keep getting heartbroken is because they can sense your insecurities. They can tell that you "need" them. So they treat you any kind of way because they know you'll let them. All you have to do is focus on you, then you can break this cycle.

- Response by bts4life20, A Trendsetter, Female, 26-28, Self-Employed

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I like having a man around to screw

- Response by sweetmama247, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 29-35, Buffalo, Home Maker

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Because in reality you do need a man and you're just trying to believe the BS you've been spoon fed all your life tell you that you don't need one. Thats why you go after every man that shows you attention... or so you say, I find it more likely you go after every man totally wrong for you that shows you attention. There are way too many good guys out there for you to even hit two bad ones in a row randomly.... You're picking bad ones on purpose.

- Response by An Intellectual Guy, Male, 36-45, Teaching

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I have to say I feel the same way. But the truth is we dont need a man at all. We can be just a strong, itelligent. loving, happy, successful as much as they can. Its not who we are with them its who we are without them. We have to face ourselves in the mirror everyday and say we love ourselves more then anything. AND BELIEVE IT!!!! Than maybe the right one will come along. If you experience a broken heart, thats because you were able to love and thats a good thing. He just wasnt right for you. And girl, leave those married man alone. They are not yours and never will be. You are asking for punishment! Find yourself and he will find you. From one women to another. Our hearts will mend. I assure you they are hurting too. And they need us also. Some in other ways then others. Keep your chin up......

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Baltimore, Self-Employed

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It sounds like low self esteem imo. You really do have to love yourself enough, before someone else will. Certain men can sense weakness and vulnerability, and will take advantage of that. That's why married men think you are an option for them. Develop a strong sense of self, love yourself enough not to tolerate bs. Eventually the right one will come along, you just have to be ready. I hope this helps. I'm taking my own advice by the way.

- Response by misse84, A Trendsetter, Female, 29-35, Who Cares?

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I've never felt I needed a man, until I met the guy I like now...and boy do I need him...

- Response by yankeetooter, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Baltimore, Teaching

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I enjoy he company of men. But honey there is one thing you need to do for yourself. You need to be happy with yourself. If not you are going to pick men all for the wrong reasons. You née to be positive and happy within yourself and it affects other people. If you do, the right one will come along. Just figure out why you do this and end this cycle. The last thing you need is validation from a guy. That is turn off from many good men out there.

- Response by womanv, A Career Woman, Female, 36-45, New York, Self-Employed

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I think women who feel they need a man in their lives are women who define their personal value by the relationship they have or don't have. The way to stop the cycle is to begin to love yourself and value the woman that you are. You also have to know that it's ok to be alone. So looking for love and stop craving the male attention. When you do this the right man will come your way.

- Response by phenomenal1woman, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Chicago

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I know it's cliche, but therapy really does help. I never even could admit to myself that I loved the drama. Went to therapy for fun and it has actually given me a new level of confidence I never thought possible. Things are actually much worse for me now, but I'm much happier than I've ever been. Companionship is a natural desire, you just have to not lose your mind in the process. Best of luck.

- Response by kalicalendar16, A Hippie Chick, Female, 29-35

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Because society still puts enormous pressure on women to have a man and fuels the belief that not having a man reveals your inadequacy.

I do think having a good partner is ideal. But many people have crappy partners in fear of being alone and live lives of quiet desperation.

The fact that you would go for a loser maried man suggests you don't value yourself very much. Get therapy. Work on becoming the best you possible and hold out for a man who is worthy. Develop strong friendships and family relationships---these are also important.

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 36-45

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I think that's crazy thinking. You may soon find out that if you pick the wrong man, you won't need a man in your life to make you happy. You'll have one in your life that makes you miserable, you'll be wishing you were sad and lonely. Just a thought ;)

- Response by A Rebel, Male, 46-55, Denver

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I think that women feel like they need a man because it's like having a life-coupon. Everything's cheaper or even free when there's a man to pay the way. She keeps her money and spends his. If he doesn't like it, there's always another one to take his place.

- Response by alecsmart1, A Guy Critical, Male, 46-55, Celebrity

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Wow. You really don't like to face reality, do you? I notice you gave a star to the person who said that you're "incomplete" without a partner - exactly the idea that you buy into, and which is the cause for the type of pitiful desperation you described in yourself. A psychologist would have a field-day with that concept, it's a *text book* example of low self-esteem and neediness. Not healthy.

OK - give me another crappy rating. The truth hurts.

- Response by justpassingthru, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Financial / Banking

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cause you do need a man. You seem like you understand how this works. Stop fighting it.

- Response by mrsavage, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 29-35, Who Cares?

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It's not all women..I don't feel like I need a man. Not to be like that..but you sound kinda...insecure...and I think if you had more self esteem and really were yourself, you would get a man. And also, don't just accept any relationship that comes your way, or you'll look desperate.

- Response by pinkskittles722, A Sportif, Female, 18-21, Fitness

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