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I am stuck in a dead-end relationship. Some advice please.
Dating / 4:44 PM - Sunday April 10, 2011

I am stuck in a dead-end relationship. Some advice please.

My boyfriend and I have been in a long-distance relationship for 2 years, together for almost 3 years. We see each other 3-4 times a year. We love each other but I'm starting to think that this is the way it'll be for a long, long time. I know I have to end it because I'm resenting him (we're on LDR because of his job). I tried all different ways but I can't cut him out of my life. He won't leave me alone. What do I do? some advice would be appreciated.

Update: April 11, 2011.
Thank you all for your advice/insights. He and I talked about the future for hours and he knows about my resentment and all. You're right he knows how to manipulate me, and I know I shouldn't let him but it's NOT easy for me to delete/block his emails. I must prepare myself for not "being together". *sigh*

- Asked by Female, 36-45

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I hate ldr's...unless there is a way to be together shortly.

I've cut off even the "possibility" of relationships, because of this reason. I'm moving...it's taking longer than planned, but the plan is happening.

In your case...I'd be wanting the distance to close...pronto. Are there any plans for that? Is he happy, or miserable with the status quo? That should give you an idea of what you need to do...

- Response by mamom04, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 56-65, Phoenix

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You're pretty right on about the duration of this. After 2 year, almost 3, he hasn't given you a ring toward marriage and that you'll move to where he is, it isn't going to happen.

He knows how to manipulate you that is why you stay in this. It's works for him, although I think there is more going on at his end than you'll admit.

Tell him what you want at this point and if he can't give it to you then that should tell him loud and clear you're no longer interested in a dead-end relationship with him. Be confident and strong. If he keeps "bothering" you, then block him; don't answer him; change your number(s).

- Response by msadvise, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Transportation

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Whenever I hear someone say "he won't leave me alone" I have to wonder...how someone can NOT "leave you alone" if you quit answering their phone calls and e-mails, and if you cut off contact with him. Unless he's stalking you - which he's not if he's far away - then it's EASY to get him to leave you alone.

Tell him you're unhappy about this situation, and if it doesn't change by such-and-such a date (YES, put a time limit on it) then you need to move on with a complete cut-off of contact with him. Then, if he doesn't move back home or ask you to move to him by that date, it's over. And then don't have contact with him! If he calls, don't answer and don't return his voice-mails. If he e-mails, don't read it - delete it. If he calls you a million times, change your number.

There is *no way* that a guy who is a physically far away distance away from you, can keep bothering you *without* your cooperation. So stop cooperating.

- Response by justpassingthru, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Financial / Banking

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first one would have to ask how is he with your current situation. I too am in a LDR, and a little longer 5 years, he searched (because he was unemployed) for a job closer and choose one that is in my State but mile wise 10miles closer.
He is always trying but seems to me, it isnt happening, he hasnt even put the hoouse on the market because well he isnt ready to take a loss.
So, i would say if it doesnt seem to bother him and he is not doing anything to encourage more there is something more going on.

Trust me it isnt easy, what i have done is expressed my frustration of the stallmate, called it a deadend.
I have been making an incredible effort to be busy and develop my own interest, busy is good. you may even meet someone else.
Do anything take a class you always wanted to take or knit or crafts or even volunteer. giving to the community fills one soul. Best thing is it gets you out, and from giving trust me you will glow! whether is an aspca, hospice group or womans shelter I say just do something. be with others and stay busy. when he calls he calls. Not sure how long his job is for, nad how far away it is. If he is in the service it will end and he will come back.
anyway hope this helps. gro the person within yourself.
Trust me been there and am going through it It is Not easy.
Good! Luck

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Who Cares?

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Life is so short. I know, I am 92 and where has it gone, Seek a little happiness whilst you are here, The other place is an unknown Doug

- Response by duggers, A Guy Critical, Male, 66 or older

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I'm sorry to tell you, but LDR's are
extremely difficult, as you well know.
I know it's easier said than done, but
you need to break this relationship, and
move on.
Unless he lives across the street, you can
stop the communications, it's up to you.
The other problem here is, your starting to
resent him, but have you "actually" told me
that you want this relationship over?
It seems as if you just want to ignore him,
and he's to just walk away, and keep away from
you. If you want it over, give him the respect
of telling him so. After that, start changing
your telephone number, different e-mail address,
voice mail, and move on. Seeing someone just
3-4 times a year, in my opinion, isn't much of
a relationship, you deserve more, and a better Life.

- Response by helpful5714, A Thinker, Female, Who Cares?, Self-Employed

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I am in a very similar situation since 2007...This man says he loves me, etc...but makes no real efforts for us to be together. I told him about a year ago that I needed to move forward and find someone who wanted a relationship, minus the constant plane tickets. He was unaccepting of this, still calls me regularly and professes his love. I am dating others, and am very clear about that with him...maybe you should consider the same. I still care for him very much, but tired of spinning my wheels. In my mind, we are like best friends--however, have not seen one another in person since 8/2009, so what else can it be? At some point you have to make a decision as to what is best for you and your future...All the best : )

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Medical / Dental

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Start looking for someone else..

- Response by fruit7792, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 56-65, Miami, Retail

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