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When a guy says he isn't ready for a relationship does he really mean he just doesnt want 1 w/YOU?
Dating / 12:39 PM - Saturday March 19, 2011

When a guy says he isn't ready for a relationship does he really mean he just doesnt want 1 w/YOU?

I started dating a close friend of my cousins (they have been best friends, almost like family even, for about 11 years) about 6-7 months ago and when we started dating he told me he wasn't ready for a serious relationship but he wanted to date me. So me being the optimist that I am said 'cool that's how I wanted to do things with this guy, start off slow, date and see where things take us' mainly because I know he's a good guy and I wanted to do things right with him.

So we dated for around 6 months and I was starting to feel as if his mind had changed about a serious relationship because we started acting and saying things to each other more like a couple but then a month ago he told me that he thought I was getting too attached and he's still not ready for a serious relationship and that he didn't want to string me along while he was feeling that he wasn't sure, he said that he needs to move out of his house first and get his life more in order, he is almost 30 and was unemployed for a couple years so is living at home but is looking to move out soon.

He told me that because he cares about me he had to be honest with me because he's not ready he was saying maybe there is somebody out there who is and if that's what I want then he didn't want to hold me back. But there is a 6 year age difference, I'm younger so for me a serious 'let's get engaged!' relationship isn't what I'm looking for yet, maybe in a few years but certainly not now. Yes I was planning on talking to him about us being 'official' soon but hadnt yet. Things ended with him saying he thought we were at the point where we needed to make things official or take a step back, that he'd still like to take me out sometime if I'd allow it. To me this has hurt more than any of the assholes I've dated because he is such a sweet person I know it was hard for him to tell me all that and risk my cousins being upset with him, but thats why it hurts more if he were an asshole I would have expected this (well worse really). And we had been 'talking' for about another 6-8 months before we dated so it felt like we had been dating longer. I'm hopeful that things will pick up once he moves out and gets some space from his over protective family and get a few more things in his life in order but I'm not holding my breath. Like I said I'm younger and am still getting MY own life in order so I have made a decision to not date anyone for a while because I'm young enough where I have time before I need to find someone serious and in the mean time don't want to waste my time with distractions and guys who aren't worth my time. (I don't think super highly of myself I just mean the type of guys who never think about their future bc my parents have raised me to do so) Anyway, any thought's would be helpful and appreciate, Thank You.

- Asked by Female, 26-28

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Men generally mean what they say. Not ready for a relationship means just that.

- Response by jjcabin, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 46-55, Washington, DC, Technical

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Well, it sounds like neither of you want a serious relationship right now but you both have been dating exclusively for the last 6 months right? It sounds like he wants to get his own place and get his life in order (meaning he will be busy) so he wants you to date if you want to. So it sounds like he wants to take a break and not see you regularly the way you have been seeing each other? If you're ok with that, then tell him that you'll be getting yourself in order as well so if he has time to hang out that would be great.

- Response by hulagirl55, A Sportif, Female, Who Cares?, Who Cares?

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From the sounds of things he wanted to let you down easy. He was nice about it though. Take your loss and roll with it. He doesn't want a relationship. Time to let go. Just keeping it real.

- Response by A Career Woman, Female, 26-28, Atlanta, Political / Government

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You are more mature than he is.He is 30 no job for years doesn't want a serious relationship.He wants no responsiblity.He wants the benifit of a relationship but not the responsibility.He will never change.He never grew up.Don't get involved with him until he makes big changes in his life.You show a kind heart and I would hate to see it broken.

- Response by frenchkiss49, A Thinker, Female, 66 or older, Tampa, Who Cares?

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I don't think it really matters if it is specific to you, or in general. The fact of the matter is, he told you the truth... whether it was abbreviated or the whole thing.
You know he doesnt want to be serious... so, fishing around and hanging around expecting that something more may come of it if you spend more time with him is asking for trouble.

- Response by lovinitmarble55, A Career Woman, Female, 29-35

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It could just mean exactly what he told you. If you look up and he seems quite happy dating exclusively another woman and calling her his girlfriend, then you'll know he as trying to let you down easy and it really was that he simply didn't want a relationship with you.

Many men have used this as an excuse to let you down without hurting you. And, many have also been quite sincere in knowing that they simply aren't ready for a relationship. It doesn't mean he isn't going to date others. And, it doesn't mean that two months down the road he isn't going to be ready. But, when he is ready, it might be with someone else. The healthiest thing to do is take him at his word. And, move on. Regardless of why he said it.

- Response by thelovedovefor1, A Creative, Female, 46-55, Atlanta, Who Cares?

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