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My boyfriend makes $325,000 and I make $36,000 annually, should he pay for pretty much everything?
Dating / 12:11 PM - Monday March 14, 2011

My boyfriend makes $325,000 and I make $36,000 annually, should he pay for pretty much everything?

Divorced our spouses, living together. I have four children for whom I pay for all of their expenses when we are with them. I pay for my car, insurance, gas, health insurance and maintenance of my appearance. My boyfriend pays for rent, heating, water, electricity and food and incidentals for the house. He also gives me $1,200 mo to help me out financially. But it bugs me when he let's me split a restaurant tab or paring or valet when I drive...

Update: March 14, 2011.
Thank you again, I have realized through thoughtful responses that maybe I'm embarrassed because I can't afford to pay for what I used to before my divorce.

Update: March 14, 2011.
Thank you to all who responded, even the bullies! I think it is poor etiquette for a man to accept money from a woman, particularly one who makes significantly less than he does. I live with this man and wear a ring that promises marriage but we are not married yet. He dictates the lifestyle we live because he earns the income to support us. I included details about my responsibility for my own children because I wanted to be honest (he doesn't pay for anything when it comes to them). Shouldn't men and women be on their best behavior BEFORE a marriage commitment given the divorce rate these days? So many have said that "you're not married so he doesn't have to take care of you". I want him to show me that he WANTS to take care of me I don't want someone to pay just because he feels he has to. Please people, ask yourself the question. Would you accept money from someone who couldn't afford to give it? YES, even if they were nice enough to ask.

Update: March 14, 2011.
Ok, someone nicely said "He is letting you be independent" why should he feel that he should take care of you when you're not married? I think if I offer to pay for all or half of dinner he should say thank you but refuse my offer because he makes so much more than I do. It's food. What happened to being a gentleman. I would never accept money from someone who makes a 10th of what I do.

- Asked by A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Detroit

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While you might think it bad of him to accept your offer to pay, you shouldn't offer to pay if it is your intention not to. Say what you mean, mean what you say.

- Response by melmac, A Thinker, Female, 29-35

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you make $36k and don't have any housing or utilities expenses? With his allowance you make $50k? In Michigan? Damn woman, you should be paying for his dinner on a regular basis.

- Response by hubbyochris, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 46-55, Cleveland, Executive

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he is letting you be independent.
You're not married, why would he feel like he should be taking care of you??


- Response by proteus, A Mr. Married Guy, Male, 46-55, Pittsburgh, Who Cares?

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It's 2011, my dear. Woman up to your responsibilities.

If the restaurants are too expensive (valet parking suggests that they are), then womaning-up includes saying so, and insisting on restaurants you can afford.

If your disgruntlement with the situation suggests that you want something more from the relationship (ie: marriage), than woman-up by saying to, too.

- Response by trawna, A Career Woman, Female, 46-55, Toronto, Consulting

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So in a nut shell, you want to him to pay for all of dinner, even though he's giving you $1200 per month?

What would happen if you guys broke up? You think you could survive on your own? Don't kill the goose that lays the eggs.

- Response by inotnuts, A Father Figure, Male, 36-45, Newark, Retired

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I don't think it matters one speck to financial arrangements whether or not you are married. You are living together and your finances are merged.

It sounds like this guy is trying to be fair about finances. There are certain things he pays for, and presumably, these expenses make up the bulk of your living expenses. You pay for your own costs, and he gives you a monthly allowance to help you out. Your arrangement seems fair and reasonable. Including that you would pay for dates every now and then.

He may be making 10 times your salary, but he spending a lot more money every month on fixed expenses than you are. He probably has other fixed expenses unrelated to your upkeep - his own car, his own children, spousal support for his ex wife, etc.

If you feel that you are having a hard time meeting your own expenses, sit down and talk to him. But keep in mind that you are not some child that he is required to pamper and pay for. You have your own income and your own responsibilities. He is a gentleman for helping you, and a gentleman for expecting you to be your own, independent, woman.



- Response by dai3sy, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Toronto, Student

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You are all take and no give. You even take offense at returning a small fraction of what he gave you.

Never again would I let a woman move in. And marriage is totally out of the question. Why? Because most women are like you.

- Response by A Guy Critical, Male, 46-55, Technical

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No just because he has a larger income then you it shouldn't be assumed that he is going to pay for everything. If he chooses to on his own then that is fine but it shouldn't be expected.But I'll say this..if you all are engaged and supposed to be getting married he should be if he is serious about marrying you incorparating the well being of your children into the mix because when you all get married he will be in their lives fulltime. But after reading your updates it bothers me a bit that a man who has asked you to marry him and that you live with is nickel and diming you. For me thats a big red flag...and I'd start to wonder if this man really wants to marry you or dose he have you around for his benifit and for his litte "project" with the ability to throw all that he feels he has done for you later. Clearly his actions should be showing you that he doesn't want to take care of you and that he is as vested in the relationship in the way that you are.

- Response by phenomenal1woman, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Chicago

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here it is NO he shouldn't pay for everything because he already does. He pays for the house expenses AND gives you an extra 1200 a month. What more should he give you for gods sake. He gives you money to pay for those things. and help you out. So what he lets you split part of the tab he GIVES you more than 10 grand a year to help YOU. AND he pays the bills. He is being a gentleman. You however are ACTING like an ungrateful brat. how well you do WITHOUT him payin all the household expenses and giving you 1200 a month. Or just without him giving you the 1200 a month. (which is HIM payin for all the things "you pay" for)

- Response by bellabyrdie, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Who Cares?

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I really have to ask how you calculate that he doesn't help at all with your children? Do you have sole custody of your children? Do they not benefit from the gas, electricity, food, and shelter being provided? And since he doesn't help, I would have to surmise that you spend the $1200.00 per month he gives you, all on yourself.

- Response by manny, A Guy Critical, Male, 36-45, Technical

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If you have so many issues with him financially, then why stay with him? If you two get married, you'd probably end up getting a divorce too. If it irks you so much when he takes your offer to pay for the bill, then what more for even bigger financial situations? You should be thankful he gives you $1200 every month even if you don't ask him to give. You have to sort out your financially-related issues with him; otherwise, it won't work in the long run.

- Response by A Career Woman, Female, 29-35, Consulting

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you serious? he's giving more than enough. duh.. cant believe this.. yr not even married for heaven's sake

- Response by secilia, An Alternative Girl, Female, 29-35, Athens, Body Work

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What do you mean "let's you split a tab"? I take that to mean you offer to split it. in which case i would tend to think he lets you do it so you feel like you're contributing. if you want him to pay for everything then don't offer to pay and when you're faced with paying for something, just turn to him and say, "gimme money". or just ask for a raise in your allowance. i'm sure "daddy" would be happy to accomidate you.

- Response by guy5432, A Mr. Married Guy, Male, 36-45, New York, Who Cares?

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This guy better be getting a prenup if he's thinking of marrying you.

- Response by bobbysg1rl, A Cool Mom, Female, 36-45

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