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Why does my husband continue to do things to hurt me and denies any wrongdoing.
Married Life / 12:07 AM - Sunday March 06, 2011

Why does my husband continue to do things to hurt me and denies any wrongdoing.

After 18 years he is hateful to me and then apologizes. We both work but he doesn't think he needs to help at night, I go visit my Daughter out of state about 2 times a year and when I get home he has had one of my friends over, spent all our money or whatever he can to hurt me. He never admits any wrong and says I never help with bills when I pay all the bills and bring home more than him. We cant talk about our problems because he wont admit he has done anything wrong. He is so angry because he has to go to work everyday and says I never work or help out. I have always worked 2 jobs to get us by. His actions show hate and anger but he swears he loves me with all his heart. He downs me to other people and never takes up for me. When caught in a lie he always turns it around on me saying I did it too. He accuses me of being with other men when I have turned down all his friends but caught him on numerous occasions hitting on my friends and downing me to them. He never considers my feelings.

- Asked by A Life of the Party, Female, 46-55

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After 18 years of you taking his shit, why should he change NOW? You've "trained" him to treat you like crap! I wouldn't tolerate that treatment for 18 months, let alone 18 years. Sounds like you've spent your life working, slaving, sacrificing and expecting him to appreciate it. Well...he doesn't. And he won't ever change. It really doesn't matter *why* he does it - the point is, he does it. It's YOUR decision to make, and that must be to either live with his selfish, boorish behavior and shut up about it, or leave him.

- Response by justpassingthru, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Financial / Banking

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Seems you're doing all the giving, and he's doing all the taking. As long as he can get away with this...he will continue to do it. Its worked this long. :(

- Response by mamom04, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 56-65, Phoenix

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My question to you is *WHY* are you still with him? He is nothing but a leech sucking you dry.

- Response by seductivepisces9, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Who Cares?

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You have to decide wether you want this for the rest of your wife.They act like we are holding them back but reality is they can't do with out us.

- Response by frenchkiss49, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Tampa, Who Cares?

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Sounds like a perfect marriage to me, give him some shit back.
What? Did you forget how to play that game? ~ After 18 years!
Always remember the Honeymooners... POW! to the Moon, Alice!

- Response by fehkarfight, A Couch Potato, Male, 56-65, Who Cares?

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Let me see if I can break-this-down for you:

Step outside your front door.

Do you see that old, beat-up, worn-out, dirty ,"Welcome", mat that people repeatedly wipe their feet on out there?

Well, IF all of this is true, you might as well visualize your name written on it because that's what you have become.

That being said, as one of my best Georgia buddies would say,

"Somethin' in the milk ain't clean."

He, "says I never help with bills when I pay all the bills".

You pay ALL THE BILLS?

"He is so angry because he has to go to work everyday and says I never work or help out. I have always worked 2 jobs to get us by."

He goes to work everyday and you have always worked 2 jobs AND pay all the bills and he claims you, "never work"?

How is that possible?

Either he or you or the both of you are completely delusional.
It can't be ALL OF THIS.



- Response by jenny12, A Career Woman, Female, 46-55, Other Profession

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and you are tolerating this behavior why???

- Response by beachgirl67, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Medical / Dental

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You sound like you take no responsibility for anything and I am guessing at least half of what you just said is so distorted as to qualify as a total lie. If you really work two jobs then nothing is stopping you from moving out. If that part was BS then my advice is to really get a job, then move out.

- Response by A Guy Critical, Male, 46-55, Technical

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There is one answer file for divorce. He really believes he is right and will never change. It will be hard, but worth it.
Been Done That. Don't be surprised when he lies in court also

- Response by Female, 46-55, Consulting

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Why is it that everything you do is wrong? because it is not wrong and you are very hard working and dedicated. put that same hard work and dedication to your own well being. i am learning some of these lessons too. It just seems like he keeps you spinning... making fires that you have to put out everywhere. saying the one thing you really want to feel... that he loves you but if he was truly loving he wouldn't treat you like this. take care of you. you are the only you there is. put that same hardwork and dedication into your life without him and you will be so happy in the long run with the results! best wishes and take care of you first because he is slowly eroding your self esteem to the point where you shouldn't have to cry anymore. take back your life you will be so glad and you can do it!!! You can do it!!!

- Response by donnaapple, A Creative, Female, 46-55, Self-Employed

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Because, you're allowing it. You're basically a doormat. He doesn't treat you like a wife. And, he's verbally and emotionally abusive. The only person who can change this is you by leaving him. Usually, I would advise some marriage counseling. But he can't admit he has a problem so he most probably wouldn't go. Sorry, but the only one who can change your life of misery is you. Good luck!

- Response by thelovedovefor1, A Creative, Female, 46-55, Atlanta, Who Cares?

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He doesn't think you will ever leave him. Is he right?

- Response by diglebe2, A Guy Critical, Male, 36-45, Self-Employed

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well do you really want him to put you down all the time if so keep him in your life if not then file for divorce cause him putting you down is not going to change at all

- Response by babygirl4all2no, An Alternative Girl, Female, 29-35, Who Cares?

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