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Guys, would you be bothered if your girlfriend said something?
Dating / 9:36 PM - Thursday February 24, 2011

Guys, would you be bothered if your girlfriend said something?

My boyfriend often receives "Likes" and comments on his facebook from his ex. I usually try to ignore them, but have told him at times that its a little annoying. But mostly, I would either joke about it or not say anything at all.

However, today, while looking for stamps in the desk of our home, I found a christmas card from his ex. In it, she signed Love and then a PS....I hope my christmas present keeps you warm ;)

So....his ex...sent him a Christmas present. They have been broken up for 3 years and she lives in Germany. That is the exact reason why I SHOULDN'T be worried, but its just so inappropriate. I am not mad at him. I told him I wanted to send her a message simply letting her know that I don't appreciate her sending my boyfriend gifts and that I find it to be inappropriate. I even promised no name calling or cursing. I just want to let her know how I feel about the situation.

He then tells me that he would prefer that I not say anything bc then she will write him bitching about what I said.

So guys...would you be bothered if your girl wrote your ex and told her to back off? My bf doesn't think it's a big deal...but it is to me...

- Asked by aujielee, An Alternative Girl, Female, 29-35, Teaching

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It is a big deal. It is inappropriate. It is far worse that you just found out she sent him a Christmas present and he never told you. Your gripe is with him. She can only do what he allows her to do and it is up to him to break it off with her and stop the LDR. It is inappropriate for you to contact her and, unfortunately, the one most likely to get hurt will be you.

- Response by maryea, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Retired

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Honestly, if I were in your position I would have contacted that homewrecker already. I could care less what my bf thought about it.

I agree that it is very inappropriate. But although this ex of his is pissing you off (which is understandable), this is a problem that you really need to work out with your bf, not his ex. Your bf needs to tell his ex to stop sending him gifts and stop with that flirtaious crap. I think your bf is being way out of line by saying his ex will bitch to him about you. That shouldn't even be an issue. If my ex was being inappropriate with me and disrespecting my bf by "bitching" about them, they would officially be out of my life. I would never put up with that. And neither should your bf! If he doesn't step up and do the right thing.. maybe you should reconsider your relationship with him.

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 26-28

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I would be bothered a bit, especially if she started something over it. Obviously they are still friends and he likes the attention he's getting from you and her.

He really should not be on such friendly terms with her after all this time or accepting a gift from her. It's obvious that she is flirting with him, probably not so much because she cares about him, but I'm sure you WELL KNOW how competitive, vindictive, jealous and insecure most women are. So she is likely doing it just to see if she CAN steal him back and of course to get you all pissed off and riled up at the same time since she knows as a woman just how insecure other women are.

On the flip side, if he still has strong feelings for her then this is why he doesn't want to cause and issues between him and her since he is either enjoying the contact, still likes her or both.

- Response by richsifu, A Rebel, Male, 46-55, Science / Engineering

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Actually this is something he should mention to the ex not you! I'm sorry but all this will do is make you out to be the psycho jealous girlfriend and some exes actually feed on the fact the current girlfriend is upset. You don't want this!

Here's the deal your boyfriend can't control his ex but he can ask her to respect his current relationship. In the end though you may just have to learn how to ignore her.

- Response by kdtxchic30, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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If he is committed to his relationship with you -- he has NO right to accept gifts from his ex girlfriend -- HE needs to tell her that he is in a committed relationship and her behavior is inappropriate. If he doesn't want to do that -- I would have to honestly say, "He's just not that into you." Now I don't want to sound mean or crass and obviously, he can't be doing much screwing around "with her" behind your back with her being that far away but there is such thing as an emotional relationship. I agree it is a big deal and he needs to "deal" with it.

- Response by lilkat316, A Cool Mom, Female, 56-65

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