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Any Tips on how I can discourage my daughter from seeing her cheating boyfriend?
Family & Parenting / 4:45 PM - Tuesday February 08, 2011

Any Tips on how I can discourage my daughter from seeing her cheating boyfriend?

My daughter has gone to a small school, where most of her school life she's been picked on for one reason or another, you all know how cruel kids can be. End result, now at 18 she's spent the last year and half clung onto a boy same age at her school, who has been picked on and made fun of through school as well, even worse than she was. I believe she's done this for security of sorts, there's two of them, so they get hassled less. Now he's decided with her on his arm, he's a big shot and a ladies man, and he cheats on her. She knows it, they break up, when the other girl dumps him he crawls back to my daughter and she falls hook line and sinker for everything he says, and he says just what she wants to hear. This just happened again for the 3rd time. He told her flat out that he loved another girl, but he didn't have a chance "at her", because she has a boyfriend, plus there was another one he was cheating with. After a few weeks of being broke up, she takes him back, again. What the ..!

I've told her before flat out how I feel about the boy, that made her run to his side. So after awhile I befriended the boy a little, asked him how he felt about my daughter, where he said he loves her, but would not look me in the face when he said it. All the new drama started up about him cheating on her again shortly after that, another girl. I don't want to see my daughter tied down with a cheater. Any ideas, tips, your own experiences, anything is welcome.
Because she's 18, I don't want to upset her so much that she runs out the door to this guy, and ends up living with him. I know he does not care about my daughter, he is using my daughter, so much so, it could drastically affect her plans for college, he does not care about her future, just his convenience. He's also trying to talk her out of going to college.

- Asked by Female, 46-55

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My daughter dated a guy too old for her for years. The whole family tried to break them up. What finally did the trick? They went for marriage counseling. I would stay out of this one, and let her make her own decision. Just because you can see he's wrong for her, she can't. So, it looks like she will have to learn the hard way. If he has another girlfriend, she will soon find out. As for her being shy, and feeling picked upon, she needs to grow up. That takes time. Just keep her on the path to college and let the chips fall where they may.

- Response by parent123, A Thinker, Female, 66 or older, Retired

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Tell him you are planning the wedding and ask for his input on colors, etc. He will disappear fast.

(Your daughter has very low self-esteem and needs help with that)

- Response by catscratch, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Executive

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Your daughter needs therapy to help build self esteem and confidence. She probably thinks after the bullying she suffered this is the best she can do in a boyfriend. Victims of child abuse suffer many years unless they do something about it. Lead her on the right path of getting her life healthy or she will repeat the underdog behaviour in the future. Rosey

- Response by roseytalks, A Thinker, Female, Who Cares?, Tampa, Who Cares?

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you could be the caring mother and give her all the advice in the world, but unfortunately at that age, where she thinks she is in love, nothing is going to make sense to her. See needs to deal with the consequences and learn from her mistakes. OR you could threaten the little cheating turd and tell him if he doesn't stay away from your daughter you will have him butchered and killed. :)

- Response by jojo914, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Who Cares?

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As several of the others have suggested, why don't you pay for counseling for your daughter to help her with her issues?

- Response by utahmom, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Managerial

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Act like you like him. My father tried so hard to break my boyfriend and I apart, and it pushed us much harder right into each other's arms at that age. My brothers told him if he had said and done nothing it would have ended quickly, but he made our relationship a lot stronger by opposing it. He admits that now, in hindsight. Fortuntely, we stayed together against all odds, until he passed away,and were happy. But the worst thing to do if you want a relationship to end is to give them a hard time. Kids that age are programmed to do the opposite for what their parents tell them,and it seems more romantic if it's them against the world. She is much more likely to listen to her girlfriends or a younger relative if you can get them on your side. And yeah, counseling might help,if you can find someone decent who relates well to your daughter. Good Luck.

- Response by abitspoiled, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Who Cares?

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By the way, can you update us on what road you took and if it was at all effective? Best of luck-nice to have an involved parent who's looking after her daughter's best interests.

- Response by patresi, An Intellectual Guy, Male, Who Cares?, Who Cares?

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AS MUCH AS WE LOVE OUR CHILDREN,AND AS MUCH AS WE TRY TO TELL THEM THAT THEY ARE MAKING A MISTAKE,THEY NEVER LISTEN! THIS GUY SOUNDS LIKE A REAL CREEP!! JUST REMEMBER THAT SHE WILL MEET A LOT OF "CREEPS" IN HER JOURNEY OF "ADULTHOOD". ALL YOU CAN DO IS TELL HER YOUR "OPINION" AND LET HER MAKE HER OWN DESISIONS, EVEN THOUGH YOU THINK ITS THE WRONG ONE! LET HER KNOW THAT YOU WILL BE THERE FOR HER, AND THAT IF SHE NEEDS TO TALK,YOU WILL LEND YOUR EAR.THE MORE YOU PROTEST ABOUT THE GUY, THE MORE THAT YOU WILL BE PUSHING HER TOWARDS HIM, SO "BITE" YOU TOUNGE OK! REMEMBER,IT'S HER LIFE, AND THEY ARE HER MISTAKES TO MAKE. THAT'S HOW WE LEARN ABOUT LIFE ISN'T IT? JUST BE PATIENT AND GIVE HER LOT'S OF LOVE!!

- Response by tudorcat, Female, 46-55, Columbus, Home Maker

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