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My boyfriend keeps telling me he loves me and misses me. It's getting annoying. What should I do?
Dating / 2:54 PM - Saturday February 05, 2011

My boyfriend keeps telling me he loves me and misses me. It's getting annoying. What should I do?

Everyday, my boyfriend tells me he loves me at least 5 times a day. Don't get me wrong, I love him too. But it's getting annoying. He also tells me he misses me way to often. For example, I would just be getting home from seeing him and he'll text me "I miss you already!" He does this all the time. How do I tell him to chill out without sounding like a complete bitch?

- Asked by Female, 22-25

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He sounds really clingy. Tell him you'd rather hear through actions rather than words how he loves you. You love to hear it but just want to appreciate those words more. As for missing you, he may be thinking he's being sweet, but it could also signal a red flag that he could be overbearing in the future. Downplay the missing you so much. Next time he texts you 5 min. after your departure, text him back that it's only until tomorrow(or whatever)or that you're glad he looks forward to the next time you see him. While it can be cutesy at first, once annoyance sets in it can become a bad relationship habit that becomes pattern. Nip this in the butt as tactfully as you can but don't worry so much about hurting his feelings because this really is something that could become a much bigger problem later. Working at how you comfortably relate and communicate to eachother is important. Keeping the relationship together depends on it.

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 29-35

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Start out with, "Before you do something that really annoys me, let me warn you about something ...."
Then 'generally speaking', tell him the list of things he does too often that annoys you.
And if he then asks, "So how many times is it OK for me to say it?", try not to be annoyed and not say something mean ... again.

- Response by andrewj5267, A Guy Critical, Male, 36-45, Miami, Teaching

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sticky situation. if you tell him it is too much, it might hurt his feelings and he will never say these things again.
maybe make a joke...like the next time he says he misses you already, just joke around and say that you find it funny that he misses you so much when you are away. keep laughing and tell him that you love hearing how much he loves and misses you, but that he says it A LOT!!!

- Response by fondacox, A Trendsetter, Female, 36-45

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I neglected to say what the bigger problem later could be. I would worry he could become unhealthily possessive. Just pick a time to talk to him when you're both not fighting or defensive, timing and mood are everything when it comes to addressing another person's annoying traits.

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 29-35

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Love is wanting the best for yourself and the other person. This is desperation, insecurity and possession calling itself love. Putting lipstick on a pig doesn't make it dateable.

What you do is have rock solid boundaries (turn your email and phone off if necessary), stay with him only as long as you are not ready to move on and be looking for an easy exit opportunity.

- Response by A Guy Critical, Male, 46-55, Technical

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Just tell him to stop, but don't whine when no one loves you.

- Response by An Intellectual Guy, Male, 36-45, Teaching

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wow, i think you are being a complete bitch. Some girls just don't know how to appreciate what they have. If only all problems could be as wonderful as yours... "oh my bf keeps telling me he loves me, what should i do" GROW UP or break up with him so that he could find someone who doesn't see his love as a problem!!!

- Response by jojo914, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Who Cares?

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Be nice about it. Say something like, I know, I love you too, you don't have to remind of it so much, I know.

- Response by debski, A Career Woman, Female, 36-45, Detroit, Science / Engineering

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....when I tell my ex-wife how much and how often I miss her..


.....it simply means that my aim isn't very good.

...are you sure he's not trying to tell you the same thing??

- Response by nameacarl, A Guy Critical, Male, Who Cares?, Oostende, Self-Employed

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I think the thing to do is not try to focus on keeping him from doing what he's doing. But, realizing that what he's doing isn't something you like or healthy. He behaves as if he has no life outside of you. He's very needy and clingy. This can become suffocating. And, you're already growing tired of it. You can let him know you know how he feels. But, you don't have to sound bitchy.

No matter what you try to say or how you say it. People like this will always get their feelings hurt when you try to tell them it's too much. No matter how you say it. You might be his first girlfriend. He might be excited. But, focusing on someone as much as he does you is not cute or healthy. It doesn't look any better on a man than it does on a woman. Good luck.

- Response by thelovedovefor1, A Creative, Female, 46-55, Atlanta, Who Cares?

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Let him know you think it's sweet that he misses you when you're not together and that you think of him a lot too but that sometimes you feel smothered by all the texting and/or telling you...he needs to know that sometimes a woman appreciates it more when/if their guy 'surprises' them randomly or 'shows' them how much they love them every now and again...also tell him that you love and care about him too but you feel that it's too much for you to handle when you hear it all the time and everyday...he needs to either say it only when he really means it(like after not seeing you for a weekend or a few days) because it means more to you than hearing it everyday...:)

- Response by fastball, A Cool Mom, Female, 36-45, Edmonton, Self-Employed

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Maybe you two aren't a good fit. Some women (i.e. me) love that kind of stuff. I never get tired of hearing 'I love you' and I couldn't never be w/a man who didn't express it freely!

- Response by sweetmama247, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 29-35, Buffalo, Home Maker

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I think what you're trying to say is that he appears needy and dependent on you maybe a little too much, men don't touch as much as women do, women hug their friends, men may do this but not too often, and seems like he needs the "touch".

- Response by daffodils2008, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Medical / Dental

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Wow. You just can't please some people. There are tons of women out there complaining that their man does not communicate with them and would never say they miss them. What would you rather have? A guy that showed no emotions? Cut him some slack. There are a lot of women out there that would be glad to have a man like that. Keep that in mind.



- Response by A Guy Critical, Male, 36-45

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He's not a bitch, he's a fool for staying with someone like you, when sounds like you're the one being the bitch. I really can't believe you're complaining about that.

- Response by proudmom88, An Alternative Girl, Female, 22-25, Atlanta

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Wow.... you should do him a big favor and leave him so he can find a woman who appreciates an attentive man.

SO MANY WOMEN complain and complain that their bf's dont care or never do anything to show that they love them.... You have a guy that actively cares, and you're complaining about THAT??

- Response by A Player, Female, 26-28, Who Cares?

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You need one of those men who could care less.....they uhhuh when you talk and forget everything you say...You simply fail to exist except for sex and getting them a beer....They wil dismount you like a quarter horse..when the sex is over so you won't have to be bothered with alot of blather then either...
You've got the wrong dude.honey....

- Response by lady4u, A Married Girl, Female, 56-65, Cincinnati, Who Cares?

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So he says this too often for you. He may have been raised differently than you, he was taught to express his feelings. That doesn't mean you have to reply in kind every time you hear it. This may very well be that thing that you quietly hate about your boyfriend - everyone has one of those things that drives them nuts (that eventually become one of their endearing qualities). Consider yourself lucky here - it could be worse!
If he acts possesive or needy in other ways then yes, I think you have reason to complain - otherwise I would keep my mouth shut.
Who knows, maybe time will mellow this behavior anyway?

- Response by dogrn, A Hippie Chick, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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If your realtionship is new.....maybe like less than 3 months...just say I love you too....that will carry him thru some need for reassurance...he may have been hurt badly in the past......he may be holding you up to his parent's standards of daily affection....if it's been more than about three months....maybe, while the 2 of you are being affectionate, you could say something like : do you realize that I love you just as much not always saying I love you as I do when I DO say it.....I like to make it a special moment between us....it's like if you give some flowersw every day, pretty soon, it's not a special moment anymore....let's try and keep expressing how we feel for when we're being intimate, and for when we notice each other doing something romantic or extra super thoughtful...ya think?"
Wouldn't that be a little more tactful?

- Response by epiphanomaly, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 56-65, Philadelphia, Self-Employed

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This is nothing more than an example of a, "BITCH THAT IS NEVER HAPPY"

- Response by handsomedetroitguy, A Father Figure, Male, 36-45, Detroit, Political / Government

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Do you ever wonder if you guys speak the same love language? If you've read the 5 love language, you may learn that EVERYONE responds differently to various forms of love expressions. The different languages is 1-affirmations. 2-tokens of love(gifts). 3-quality time. 4-acts of service. 5-physical touch.

You can be one or many of those language. You have to figure out which language is yours to feel loved. I know my bf tells me he loves me allll the time..his language of love is through words of love..mine on the other hand is physical touch and quality time.

Sounds like you and your guy don't speak the language. Many couples with reoccurring problems on not feeling love don't speak the same love language. check that book out, it will change your perception on relationships:)

- Response by An Engaged Girl, Female, 29-35, Portland, Self-Employed

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I am in your situation now, and understand completely. My bf wasn't like this until we were an exclusive couple. It was at that moment I think he felt the need to tighten his grip on something he already has. He texts me the same things every morning and upwards of 20-30 times a day. Most of it is smooches and "I miss you" and "watcha doooin" . A couple times he texted me a smooch and I checked facebook before responding and you would have thought I started a war.
He's a great guy, and I DO appreciate how sweet and caring he is. We have a lot in common and always get along GREAT when we are together. But let's face it, there is such a thing as TOO MUCH. I certainly don't want to lose him, or end this relationship, but I also need some space, just like anyone should.

- Response by A Hippie Chick, Female, 29-35

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There is a healthy balance that makes everyone feel loved and happy. There is such a thing as "too much of a good thing". The people on here saying you are out of line either have only dated ass holes or are overly clingy themselves, so don't let what they say hurt your feelings. I myself have been in one serious relationship where he was the one that hardly made me feel loved, and I've also been in a serious relationship like yours and yes it can get annoying when they say it so much it starts to loose its meaning. The problem is, the more you pull away the worse it will get til you can't take it anymore and distance is created between you. I've been on both sides of the fence, if y'all are unable to find a balance between give and take, maybe it isn't meant to be between you. Good luck.

- Response by lynz587, A Creative, Female, 26-28, Medical / Dental

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Just think of what it would be like to not have him at all in your life...

And you should suddenly feel better about it.

Enjoy it. It's not always easy to find a guy who will give himself to you like that.

Try not to take it for granted and you'll feel much happier. =-)

- Response by cutypy5840, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Medical / Dental

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