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My mom tries to control everything...
Family & Parenting / 9:04 PM - Wednesday February 02, 2011

My mom tries to control everything...

Im going to be 20 years old in about 3 months and my mom wants to control everything in my life. Like where i go, i have to ask her before i do anything.And she always gives me the same answer which is NO. I dont know if its because im the oldest, i havent ever done anything where she couldnt trust me, i just honestly dont know what to do. Im so frusterated. I even told her that she makes me feel like her puppet (pretty harsh i know, but i couldnt hold it in). She tries to control who i date, she always tries to fix me up with guys with the usual "their a nice guy, come from a nice family" deal but when i talk to them or even see them their not attractive at all and they have no personality at all. And she gets mad at me bc i dont pursue talking in them. She tells me that i am very guarded and i dont trust people or that i dont give people a chance. When in reality, yeaa i am guarded only bc ive been burned in the past, but i give people chances. And my other issue is that I found this guy i like, i havent had much conversation with him, but what if we do talk and he likes me and i like him? and i tell her? I cant imagine what she will do, she'll probably tell me no i cant date him.ha
I just dont understand why she is so controlling, we have a pretty good relationship, i live home so its not like she hates me and kicked me out. Maybe its an italian thing i dont know. Someone help bc im going to loose my mind -_-

- Asked by A Sweet Sarah, Female, 26-28, Student

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It is not an Italian thing first of all. It's our role as mothers to look out for your highest welfare. We attempt to do this by monitoring your wareabouts...even at 30 if you have no live in companions. We need to know who you are with and where you are going in case you turn up missing. We want to know where to start looking. We need to know that YOU will know that if something occurs we are out there looking for you. That's what mothering is about. You need to know we are always here if you need us. This is one of the ways we let you know that. We tell you when your top is cut too low or that skirt is too short. We tell you when there is too much flesh showing and what you can see through your clothes that might invite sorted attention. We think you deserve better from men and so we are indicating to you that you need to do something better in how you project who you are. We are determined that your fine character shine through. We talk to you about the men you date because one of these people could become a part of our family. We hope you will pick someone who will make us all proud and who will be there for you through thick and thin. If you have a habit of picking low lives or men with little or no potential then we feel obligated to tell you what we have learned about that. The same goes for men who observe any traits that we are sure might bode trouble for you down the road.

What you do about this is hug your mother and acknowledge her love for you and your appreciation for her.

- Response by joybird, A Cool Mom, Female, Who Cares?, Who Cares?

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hun, youre 20 years old & you cant live with your mom forever. You need to find a nice way to tell her you need your freedom or you gotta move out. Youre 20 years old. & I'm not saying move away and never visit her again...but if yo dont move out shes going to suffocate you for the rest of your life & you might wind up hating her.

- Response by A Hippie Chick, Female, 18-21, Other Profession

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Patience is what you need.
Obviously, your mom cares for you. I promise you, in a few years you are going to look back at this time and realize she was right.
Until then, you can always lie.

- Response by newyorkjoe, A Career Man, Male, 36-45, Lawyer

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I think your Mom is being way too over protective -- I'm not sure why she feels the need to do this with you because at some point you will be out on your own and you need to be capable of making your own decisions and learning to live with the decisions you make (good or bad). The bottom line is that you have to take responsibility for the choices you make whether she likes them or not. How else does a person learn?

I have four children and I began letting them make many of their own decisions (with some guidance and direction, of course) when they became teenagers. Now I am not saying I don't know where they are, who they are with or what they are doing but I've loosened the purse strings so to speak to prepare them for adulthood. I made plenty of mistakes in my life but I also learned along the way and I want my children to have confidence in themselves which they can't have if I am always trying to control them and their decisions. Maybe you need to sit down with Mom, have a heart to heart and explain how she is making you feel (in a nice, calm tone of voice.) Good luck.

- Response by lilkat316, A Cool Mom, Female, 56-65

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Does she pay the bills? Like I told my kids, as long as you live where I pay the rent, you follow MY RULES. And, I told them if they ever decided that was not fair, that was when they should get a new address.

- Response by randyl, A Married Girl, Female, Who Cares?, Who Cares?

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