What you women DON'T GET..is that to not speak to someone for weeks or even months....is NOTHING TO A MAN!! That's right...it's NOTHING!! Guys can go months, years and even DECADES without talking to a friend and STILL be perfectly good friends with him. Why?? Because men don't NEED TO TALK TO STAY FRIENDS OR STAY CONNECTED!! That's right.. To US..we talk to exchange facts, information and NEWS..and occasionally help us solve a problem....that's IT!! We don't call us to get LOVE, SUPPORT, VALIDATION, TO BE REMINDED THAT OUR FRIEND CARES OR LOVES US OR ANYTHING EVEN CLOSE! That stuff never even enters our MINDS when we talk to a guy friend.
So what YOU"RE taking as "men playing games" is NOTHING OF THE SORT. It's men simply doing what comes naturally to them.. being somewhat aloof and not NEEDING or WANTING to have such a constant bombardment of contact, talking, back and forth...it's TOO much for a man overall..especially in the beginning. Also because most guys know that women will right away get USED to such constant communication and so we try to set the pace..but YOU keep pushing for more, more, more..then when he doesn't give you MORE.. you assume it means he's playing games...he's doing noting of the sort.
And why have you had such bad luck with these guys.. like MOST women? Because women PICK these asshole, jerk, losers or abusers because that is what YOU LIKE. You like men that are like yourselves, unreliable, unstable, emotionally messed up, guys that KEEP YOU CONFUSED, because the nice, stable, reliable guys are ...."BORING"!!!
So you subconsciously LIKE guys that act this way that's why ALL you women do is complain about such men and assume that all men are the same when that's not even the case...it's just all men YOU LIKE are the same because you keep picking the SAME MEN TIME AND TIME AGAIN!!
From what I've heard...this guy did not do ONE THING WRONG!! NOT ONE. Hell he didn't even try to have sex with you which it sounds like he suuure could have had many times..but right away you start bashing him because he doesn't dance to YOUR FEMALE RULE BOOK. Take the dam rule book and THROW IT IN THE GARBAGE when it comes to men, because women are constantly trying to apply it to men and it never works... MEN ARE NOT THE SAME AS WOMEN!!
Men are NOT talk/share/feeling/vali dation/support oriented. Men can go for weeks, months or YEARS without talking to a friend and everything is still fine and they're still friends. Men do NOT call each other up to get advice on feelings, share feelings, get reassured that they're loved, help another man sort out his feelings..or anything even CLOSE!!
Men speak with each other to sometimes bounce ideas off of them, just to catch up on the latest news and stuff (facts and info, which does not include emotions) and mainly when a man has already tried for a long time to figure out a problem and HE can't solve it! It's only AFTER a man tries to solve something on his own does he then feel OK with asking for help, but until a man ASKS, he is not OPEN to receiving ANY helps hints or suggestions from anyone.
Stop waiting by the telephone or email looking for it the second he calls or emails..Good Lord. It's nice that your excited..but get a GRIP on it and CHILL OUT!.BACK OFF and give him SPACE. MEN WANT SPACE, we don't want to be CROWDED! Another reason that men don't call women even though they say is because FAR TOO OFTEN a woman expects a man to sit with her on the phone for hours and it's waay too much for most men who consider that an incredible waste of time.
Remember, guys want to connect for short periods of time (sex, a few text messages, email, short phone conversations) then go BACK TO BEING alone! So if a guy DOES talk for hours with you on the phone..consider yourself BLESSED and lucky but DON'T expect him to do it all the time or maybe even never again.
The WORST thing that you can do is get pissy or whiny when he does try to pull away, either in a phone call or after dating a month or so and he needs that 2-3 week break period and you keep trying to force him to stay in touch or make contact when he wants time to regroup emotionally and mentally.
Men are naturally independent and that doesn't mean in the "living alone" way, but it means emotionally when it comes to others. It doesn't matter HOW much a man is in love with a woman, he will always need to disconnect.A man does not want to get close and stay close all the time, forever. He wants his space, time to think and reflect on you and miss you.. so he naturally starts to pull away. How YOU react to it can and often does determine if he'll come back or not. If you nag him about it, accuse him of playing games, make a big deal about it, email, call or text him every day going on about how confused you are, how he's hurting you, blah, blah, blah..in short, pulling a guilt trip on him.. you're virtually guaranteeing that he will say "This chick is another nagging, clingy, whining, mind game guilt tripping pain in my ass.. forget her".
- Response by richsifu
, A Rebel, Male, 46-55, Science / Engineering