I am always wrong. How can I stop my family from trying to control my life?
My mother's sisters came to my home today, when I had been buried under a mountain of important paperwork (divorce, court date, financial and university documents) with imminent deadlines resulting in no time for housework. My mother seems to want complete control of my divorce proceedings, something which makes me extremely nervous and results in more time spent at her house instead of here completing what I need to.
I did mention to them that I had not had the time for any housework lately, but one of my aunties was not hesitant to denigrate and belittle me about the relatively slight disorder of the property.
When I go on holiday in a few weeks, this particular auntie, who looked after my cat for me when I was homeless, wants to take my cat to her house. She was very reluctant and obstructive when I eventually got the cat back off her the last time, and understandably, I have made alternative arrangements.
When I refused to let her traumatize my cat by transporting her unneccesarily, she threw a mini-tantrum that she wants "her" puddy back.(This auntie has learning difficulties and often behaves childishly.) In addition, she did not look after my cat's dental health last time and fed her unhealthy, salt-laden tinned cat food when in her care resulting in rapid weight gain. Not only that, but the cat was made to go outside to do her business in cold weather instead of using an indoor litter tray as I do.
Her behaviour is always excused and justified by my mother. My mother genuinely believes her sister is entitled to my pet. In addition, she agrees with her sister that my cat will have an "unhappy" life with me. My cat missed me terribly when my auntie had possession of her. Now she barely leaves my lap, and shows no interest in going outdoors.
How do I stop the family from trying to bully me out of doing what I know to be in the best interests of my pet? And how do I regain control of my life despite my mother's meddling in my finances and divorce?
Update: January 26, 2011.
It's ok. I misjudged the situation. I have been subject to huge pressures lately which seem to have distorted my thinking.
At the end of the day my family are trying to help, and I am grateful for that. Now that I have spoken to my mother, she understands that there needs to be dialogue if she wishes to assist me in these matters. She now realises that she cannot just do things without including me. My mother has professional legal knowledge which I feel is beneficial, the reason I eventually approached her. It isn't her fault that her sister has problems, nor is it her fault that I have had a hard time in the last decade.
I requested that she listen to what I have to say and engage with me. Mum is co-operating now, and my auntie realises the cat is non-negotiable.
- Asked by Female, 29-35