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Just found out in a letter that my wife cheated on me in Iraq. She's coming home soon. Should I
Married Life / 10:12 PM - Saturday January 15, 2011

Just found out in a letter that my wife cheated on me in Iraq. She's coming home soon. Should I

I even go pick her up? I am devastated, I thought she was so loyal. I have remained faithful and now my heart is literally broken.

- Asked by Male, 36-45

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You will get alot of answers on this one...everything from dump the bitch to forgive her....YOU are the one that has to live with this...She didn't have to tell you...She was being honest at least about what happened...It could have been you cheating on her...It is something that you need to think about and talk about a lot (with her) You are the one that has to live with this decision...not anyone else...First question: Do you love her...(I would say yes or this would not hurt.) Second question (and most important) can you two work this out?...She was in a place where life or death was a minute by minute situation....Not an excuse but a fact of life...People make mistakes...what they do about them and how others take that is what counts...this can be the defining moment in your relationship. It can make it stronger or ruin it totally...Pain and hurt...that is something that is a given, but if you can get past this it could make your marriage stronger...at least she was honest and warned you so that YOU are the one who has the ball in your court...Good Luck and don't let any one else make this decision for you for you are the one who must live with it!

- Response by morista, A Creative, Female, 46-55, Managerial

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Dude, I'm sorry this happened, but please please PLEASE let it go!!!

She was over there risking her life on a daily basis! She went through things neither one of us could POSSIBLY understand without being deployed ourselves!!!

Maybe, after a good 3 months of getting shot at and being in mortal danger constantly, she screwed up once. Was it "nice" of her? No. Is it indicative of how she feels about you? HELL NO.

She messed up once when she was in the most stressful situation a human being can be in.

Are you SERIOUSLY going to throw some goddamned hissy fit as soon as she comes home? That's nice!

"Hi honey, I know you were out there risking your life every day for our country, but OMG I AM SO MAD AT YOUUUUUUUUU!!!!!! Don't even stop to get the Iraqi dust of those boots, missy, I have a HUGE long list of complaints and 3 buckets of tears to throw at you before you can even change into your civilian attire and sit down!!!! I don't care about the horrible things you went through, because this is all about me!!! Me, me, me MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!! !!!"

Have an ounce of compassion, man.

- Response by A Player, Female, 26-28, Who Cares?

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well tht fact tht she wrote you in a letter tells you that she couldn't stand to face you with the info in person. Picking her up depends on how your feeling the day of.... Do she want you to still come to get her? Does she feel bad at all? If you want to try to make it work you do need to talk it over.....

- Response by jessjazzi, A Hip Hop Girl, Female, 29-35, Who Cares?

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yes, go pick her up. she's still your wife. marriage counseling is in order. lastly, she needs to admit to you and herself that she's selfish for: 1. telling you what she did to relieve her guilt; 2. because she did what she did out of selfish needs.

- Response by msadvise, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Transportation

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give her a bit of slack being in the army is he'll. what ever works to get them through and safely home is ok with me. my nephew was in south korea he saID THE KOREAN girls just throw them selfs at them

- Response by A Cool Mom, Female, 26-28, Who Cares?

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Yes, you pick her up. Meanwhile you need to dig deep within you and ask yourself what you really want with this woman. Talk all of this out and see where it goes from there. Whether you get a divorce or go to counseling to work it out it needs to be your choice....I know exactly what you feel. You'll never forget and please learn from this, but I hope you can forgive her so you can begin to heal.

- Response by lasttrueromantic, A Creative, Female, 36-45, Teaching

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For starters I would like to thank you for being one of the few decent people in the world. That means a lot. As far as picking her up... yes, you should. You should pick her up and drop her off on the side of the road. I don't take well to cheaters and I'm not too sure she deserves you. Think about it a bit more and see if what she has to offer is enough subside the pain she's caused. If not then move on. There are women out there for guys as great as yourself!

- Response by cosmolife, A Thinker, Female, 18-21

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I'm so sorry for your pain.
You have not given us much information.
Most problems are not so cut and dry.

- Response by gettingstronger, A Cool Mom, Female, 46-55, Teaching

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I'm sorry that your in this situation. I don't know too much about what your going through but I wouldn't pick her up if your going to fly off the handle. If you think you can control your emotions then yeah pick her up. Good luck

- Response by A Sweet Sarah, Female, 29-35, Calgary, Who Cares?

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Personally I wouldn't pick her up. I also know my husband, who is military himself, if he knew I cheated on him would not pick me up from the airport. . . however that is what we would do. I have had this conversation about cheating within the military community, some think it's possible to work it out, some of us think it isn't possible. It ultimately depends on what you feel is right for yourself. If you think you can get past that nagging wonder of "is she being honest with me", if you can get past the feelings of betrayal and hurt, if you can see yourselves together down the road, than yes you pick her up from the airport.

For yourself, it really depends on a multitude of things on whether you pick her up. Do YOU want to try to make things work? Do YOU have faith that the two of you can get through this? Do YOU think you can forgive her? Do YOU think she will want to work it out?

Regardless of if you pick her up or not, you will both have a lot to figure out.

- Response by shabam8, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 29-35, Vancouver, Who Cares?

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i believe in a situation like this you really need to pray & if that is not part of your lifestyle, then dig down deep and think bout what is important. No one on here can really tell you what you need to do, because this is such a bad situation to be in. My feelings on it? What would she do if the tables were turned and you were over there and cheated? And as for forgiving her bc she was serving our country? She is in the military over there doing a job, sex is not part of the job description, nor is cheating for that matter. And yes she may be doing something that is close to hell, but does she not think that what you have to go thru, with her being gone, hell too? Being married and staying faithful goes for anywhere in the world, no matter where you are at. if she wont be faithful when she's over there, what makes you think she'll be faithful here around ppl she knows better? i'm sorry you are going thru that.

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 22-25, Student

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DID YOUR WIFE WRITE THE LETTER OR DID SOMEONE ELSE?

- Response by beanielou, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Halifax, Who Cares?

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let her get a cab .

- Response by headscratching, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 46-55, Science / Engineering

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I would have my lawyer pick her up and serve her with divorce papers.

- Response by kmf1, A Life of the Party, Female, 46-55, Minneapolis, Who Cares?

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Dude, if you went to Iraq she would have cheated on you too. Would she be picking you up at the airport? I mean, since she'd probably still be with her lover in that situation... what are the chances she'd be there to give you a ride? She made her choice in Iraq, she might as well have stayed their.

- Response by An Intellectual Guy, Male, 36-45, Teaching

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If she wrote the letter, she is trying to tell you "kindly leave the house, I am going back with my new boyfriend."
If someone else, it's her boyfriend warning you so you don't mess up with them when they come back.
Man up, the woman was defending our life when you were watching socker. She has the right to have some ride.


- Response by A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Other Profession

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Very strange that she informed by a letter instead of e-mail or phone or text message...

- Response by A Guy Critical, Male, Who Cares?, Chicago, Who Cares?

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