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Husband throws temper tantrums like a kid.
Married Life / 1:17 PM - Wednesday January 12, 2011

Husband throws temper tantrums like a kid.

My husband has a bad temper. When he feels pressured or upset he lashes out like a little kid. He says everything he can say to hurt me like, I dont love you, I dont want to be married to you, I want to be alone, I am just a cold person, My heart is dead etc. etc. etc. If I had a dime for every time he said he didn't love me I might be a rich lady. This seems to be his go to response when things don't go his way or he is frustruated or upset.These words make me feel insecure about him. When he is done being mad it is like he wants life to continue as usual like it never happened. But it DID happen and the words sting me. What the hell do I do? I am getting so sick of this behavior. I feel like I married a 12 year old. He is the youngest of 4 and a total mama's boy. What is the right way to respond to this behavior? I don't want to divorce him but I am at my wits end. Why would he think it is ok to behave like this? Am I supposed to just ignore him or take these words as the truth? help.

- Asked by A Sportif, Female, 36-45, Seattle, Veterinary

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You take much more than I would. I wouldn't put up with that for a second. He would be LIVING with his mama faster than he could shut his mouth.
Marriage counseling-- or divorce-- now.

- Response by roaminginsomniac, An Alternative Girl, Female, 46-55, Law Enforcement

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tell him that you need him to talk to you like an adult when he is upset about something and you will no longer put up with the name calling and childish behavior.
when he starts getting like this after the talk, simply remind him of your talk and tell him that he needs to cool off and when he does, you can have a civilized conversation about it.

- Response by fondacox, A Trendsetter, Female, 36-45

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They're called MANtrums . and every man has them - some worse than others.

When I fight with my husband my number one go to response is - then get out - pack you're things and leave. (the house is mine -in my name alone- and I pay the mortgage and all the bills, I don't need him). so . if he left I'd be upset, but I'd deal. However, I have never, ever, ever, EVER said I don't love him - even when I kicked him out over a year ago (we separated for a few months) - I never once said I didn't love him, nor did he. I think the only reason why we decided to try again was because I told him that I still loved him. if he had ever said it to me once that he didn't love me - I'd be like you know where the door is - go start your car and I'll pack your bags. I would not put up with that. I put up with a lot but he never disrespects me like that - he may say he's not happy or he doesn't like the way I have been acting, etc but never anything like he doesn't love me or I'm a cold person - he'll call me a bitch - but I am one and I don't find that disrespecting - it's like he says that as if that's a bad thing - you know.

The- I don't want to be married to you and the I want to be alone part is horrible - I don't know how you stay with him. You both need counseling or something -especially him. How do you not question every second of every day whether or not he really loves you? Why do you stay married to him? I'm not trying to beat you up over this but tantrum or not - he should never say that he doesn't want to be married to you. that goes against your vows. And we got married by a JP only .

He needs some kind of counseling to learn how to deal better and maybe choose some different words - or maybe you should call his bluff and walk away . make him eat his words and prove he does really love you

- Response by A Trendsetter, Female, 36-45

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You are in an emotionally abusive marriage.

I would encourage you to seek counseling for yourself immediately.

Why are you willing to remain in an abusive marriage? Why did you marry him in the first place?

A great place to start is your local women's shelter. There you will find counselors and a support group to help you take the steps to end the cycle of emotional abuse in your marriage.

Best wishes to you.

- Response by utahmom, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Managerial

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he needs help expressing his anger and frustrations in a mature way.. he doesn't know how to do it. He's never learned how to because his momma spoiled him rotten.

one day when he's calm, just tell him gently that this is really bothering you and it hurts when he speaks to you this way. Suggest self help books he can read or maybe talking to a professional would be better.

- Response by girlpower08, A Sportif, Female, 36-45

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Put his ass in Time Out!!

- Response by boxer1, A Guy Critical, Male, 46-55, Self-Employed

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I would tell him you are at your wits end and that you do not want to divorce him but this bahavior has to go! It's so disrespectful of him to hurt you every time he is upset like that!!! He needs to learn to use his words to describe what he is feeling/what the truth behind the hurt is and express it without taking down the whole house and creating a big bad negative whilrpool!! Maybe some counciling?? Try that first-or tell him that you are going to see a councilor to help you handle the situation. They may help give you the tools/stategies to help. Either way, he needs to know you are serious! Best of luck. I hope that it works out and you both come out stronger and closer!

- Response by beachgirl67, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Medical / Dental

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Please divorce him. Before you have children.

Google "narcissistic personality disorder" for a primer on what life has in store for you, otherwise.

- Response by trawna, A Career Woman, Female, 46-55, Toronto, Consulting

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It's not your response that will make a change but your actions that may open his eyes.
Tell him the next time he decides to unleash his verbal assault you are leaving him. Literally pack a bag and leave for a few hours and don't answer the cell or texts...make up your mind to be firm. You matter too, you are a wife not a babysitter.
Come home and let him know that it is his problem and he has to deal with it whether by counseling with a psychologist or with meds from a psychiatrist, or the next time you may be gone for good.

- Response by busydeb7, Female, 46-55, Who Cares?

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I think you don't have much communication going between you to. Communication is the key to a relationship. I truely think that if you plan on staying in this marrage then you to seriously need to learn to talk instead of yell. He needs to learn that your a person and that you are not going to take his verbal abuse anymore. Verbal abuse is just as bad as being hit by someone. It stings just as bad. I would sit down with him ASAP and tell him how you feel when he does this. Now if you are doing something that causes him to act this way then you need to change your actions as well. You can help him only if he's willing to help himself with this anger problems. You cannot just let this lay dormant as if it will change because it will not. You married for love and the vows you gave was for better or worse and this is just one hurtle to have to overcome. But you don't need to sit and take it anymore. Tell him how you feel and then get him to tell you how he feels and then talk about the situation and bring it to a resolve together. Keep the talking in a calm way. You need to find the words to say that doesn't put him on the defensive side right out of the gate. Tell him that you need to talk to him about his resent actions and that you want to help him with what ever the problem(s) he is facing. And if he says its something that you maybe doing then you don't need to get on the defensive and go off either. If you don't yell then maybe he want either. If he starts yelling the have a sign that says please don't yell I am right here or something. Do anyting to keep the yelling at a zero. Hope this can help some.

- Response by girlswin2, Female, 36-45

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treat him as he acts.. If he throws tantrums then treat him like a child. Be condesending towards him and tell him he woill be punished... Or tell him you two are going to counceliung to get to the problem because you are not his mother and you will not put up with such childish behavior.

- Response by pepperman46, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 46-55

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Film him acting like this and show it to him after he cools down. It worked for my friends 6 year old. Once they saw how they acted they quit acting that way.

- Response by juandontbeg, A Career Man, Male, 36-45, Self-Employed

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yes, he is acting like a kid.
he needs to grow up and see a doctor to find out how to act like an adult.
I feel for you young lady.
he thinks it is ok, because he has seen behavior like this practiced and knows no better.

- Response by mobysdick, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 46-55, Who Cares?

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Can you go to counseling and tell him his lashing out is actually verbal abuse? he uses that as a tactic to control because somewhere in life he felt out of control. I don't know if talking to him might work but maybe couples' couseling?

- Response by ebm3, A Trendsetter, Female, 36-45, Self-Employed

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I have just left an abusive marriage. Tantrums were one of his many tactics used to control me.
It will be difficult for you to make the decision you are about to make. God knows it took me 2 years to leave the bastard from when I first went on this forum in desperation after realising something was wrong.

One thing I can say is that, even in your darkest hours, you will never, ever regret making that vital decision.

- Response by stiffkittenbabelfish, Female, 29-35, Teaching

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He thinks that he can behave this way because you have continued to put up with it. I would calmly tell hime that you are going to take him at his word, that his behavior is unacceptable and that you are not going to put up with it anymore. Hand him a suitcase and tell him to pack his bags and that he isn't welcome back until and unless he gets counseling. Impress upon him that you are not interested in spending the rest of your life like this. These things only escalate and often turn into physical abuse. If he doesn't get help, move on with your life.

- Response by hollywoodgal123, Female, 56-65

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You may be married to a misogynist type personality. You should read the book calledMen who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them by Dr. Susan Forward. This book helped me and my daughter understand why her husband acted this way and almost caused her to have a nervous breakdown. He is competitive and controlling and it can get worse. Good luck to you in this atmosphere. It can demolish your inner being!

- Response by imateacher01, Female, 66 or older, Retired

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When I was 21 years old I acted this way. I was jeolous of my wife becouse she is smarter than me. She decided to cure me of my childish ways. She bought a miniature camera and hid it in our living room. Then she deliberatly started an argument to trick me into throwing a temper tantrum while she recorded it. 2 weeks later we had family and friends over for a 4th of july barbacue. In the middle of watching a tape of our vacation my wife put another tape in the VCR and it showed my childishness to everyone. It embarrassed and humiliated meto tears. I agred that I needed help. So I began seeing a psychotherepist and she helped me deal with my emotional issues. I dont act this way anymore and Im so greatful that my wife loves me enough make me grow up.

- Response by An Intellectual Guy, Male, 46-55, Charlotte

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ASK HIM IF HE WOULD ENJOY LIving with a IRROr, Shock treatment is needed here, D

- Response by duggers, A Guy Critical, Male, 66 or older

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