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Can my Boyfriend and his ex-girlfriend just be friends or should I be worried?
Dating / 11:36 AM - Wednesday January 12, 2011

Can my Boyfriend and his ex-girlfriend just be friends or should I be worried?

My boyfriend is communicating with his ex girlfriend. I saw on his phone that they speak a couple of times in the day and text each other. Should I be worried, I'm trying hard not to speculate. From experience how did it turn out, what was your result???

Update: January 21, 2011.
I asked him about talking to her and he admitted. We had a heart to heart and decided to go our separate ways. My heart is broken but its for the best. Thanks for all your advice, I really appreciate it.

- Asked by A Thinker, Female, 26-28, New York, Other Profession

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One of my best friends is an ex-gf. I'm still casual friends with several ex's. The big difference is that my current gf knows all of them. I never contact them in secret or hide it from my gf.
Cheating is anything you can't tell you mate. If he is hiding his contact with his ex, there is a reason for it. It's red flag.

- Response by falsehammer, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 29-35, Kansas City, Consulting

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you should be very worried, and i believe that your intuition is saying "there are some red flags here!". that frequency and level of communication is reserved for intimates and close family; not exes.

- Response by christiana71, A Creative, Female, 36-45, New York, Consulting

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From my experience? When i was chit chatting with ex-boyfriends we were just friends and still used to talking to one another on a regular basis after the break up. One guy I started dating had a real problem with it and said an "ex is an ex for a reason" blah blah and he had erased his exgf's number. As my relationship developed with the new guy and my ex got more involved with the girl he was dating... we gradually stopped talking until we didn't talk at all. The guy that i was dating and getting more involved with that had originally had a problem with it, ran into his exgf while he was out and ended up ending our relationship to get back together with her. Go figure.

- Response by kalicalendar16, A Hippie Chick, Female, 29-35

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- Response by clueless37, An Alternative Girl, Female, 36-45, Celebrity

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As women, we are dubbed with 'women's intuition' for a reason. I am finally understanding this after a decade of continuing to date losers when I get that feeling someone is being deceptive and more than likely cheating. I get absolute confirmation every time and have yet to be wrong. Trust me when I tell you that it is a red flag that there is something going on between them, especially if he's not informing you that he still talks with her. Confront him about it now, not later, and decide where to go from there.

- Response by olysiren, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 29-35, Who Cares?

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Depends on who broke up with who. If you boyfriend dumped the ex girlfriend and moved on...there is no issue with him talking to her. If she dumped him, and he spent months crying like a baby, then I would be a little suspicious.

I am friends with my ex boyfriend. We started as best friends, dated (it failed), then went back to friends. I broke up with him and made the move to go out with someone else. So my bf shouldn't be threatened with me talking to him because I have zero interest in dating my ex bf.

- Response by drenchedinpinksweet6677, A Trendsetter, Female, 29-35

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I don't think that keeping in regular touch with an ex -- especially when you're in another relationship -- is ever a good idea.

Even if it's innocent, it's just going to create problems or doubt sooner or later.

Better to put a period and move on from the exes ... concentrate on the present and make sure the new relationship is better than the ex-relationship.

- Response by mrscleaver16, A Married Girl, Female, 66 or older

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You should be worried, changes are one of the two still has feelings and wants to get back together, dont let him fool you!

- Response by anrade, A Trendsetter, Female, 29-35

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I was still friends with my ex for awhile after he got a new g/f. He never told her he was still friends with me. He would tell her he was going home to go to bed, but he'd hang out with me instead. And yes, he sure the hell did cheat on her! I know, cuz it was with me. I thought it wouldn't last with them and wanted him back, so that was the reason why I gave in with him. Bad karma for me though! We ended up fighting and stopped speaking. He's still with her as far as I know, she has no idea he cheated on her, and he's even living with her now. He's her problem now! I don't know if she's that completely blind to him or just doesn't care cuz all she wants is to get married and have kids (though he doesn't want to ever get married or have kids), but she's stupid if she has a bad feeling and doesn't go with her gut! When my gut told me something bad about him, I spoke up! Anyways, in my opinion, once there are feelings between a guy and a girl, even if it's just one of them, you can't be just friends, it's way too hard! So don't trust the "we're just friends line", he needs to cut ties with her. If he says he will, but then you still see he hasn't from his phone, then you cut the ties with him.

- Response by wende13, A Creative, Female, 36-45, Buffalo, Administrative

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I would say, simply,
Her or me. and mean it,
Never make a threat you cant fullfil, D

- Response by duggers, A Guy Critical, Male, 66 or older

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I've learned you can't keep someone on a tight leash without them wanting to break away from you, so if he just talked to her a few times you might want to just let it be..I would take a look at his behavior and see if that changes & if the contact is a routine thing. We all know that if they are talking everyday that something is definitely up.

- Response by michellekia, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, St.Louis, Financial / Banking

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Tell me one thing why girls are so jealous and possessive in communication with the other friends, either boys or girls; when they have no contractual relationship of husband and wife.

- Response by A Guy Critical, Male, Who Cares?, Chicago, Who Cares?

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