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My Ex want's me back. But I met someone else. Read this story, it's not what you think!
Dating, Sex & Intimacy / 11:20 AM - Wednesday January 12, 2011

My Ex want's me back. But I met someone else. Read this story, it's not what you think!

Ok, So in 2007 i joined the military and moved overseas. i instantly met this really good woman. we hit it off extremely well, and we got married like 5 months later (short time i know! i was young!!)

well we quickly started having children, we had to one in 2008 and 1 in 2009.

But here's the problem, being that i was young, stupid and dumb and immature and not into church like i am now. i began to mess around, and i pretty much drove her crazy and brought out a side of her i didnt want to see. so we ended up divorcing in 2009.

Although we divorced we were still on and off with each other, i still loved her and she still loved me.

well i came back to the states and about 6 months later i met this young lady who is cute but she is also just a nice and sweet as can be. and she's very very intelligent.

well now my ex has been calling me and telling me how much she wants me back, but im seeing somebody now, so now im in a tough position.

im reluctant about my ex wife because i saw how crazy she was but then again i know that i brought that out of her with the stupid decisions i was making early on in our marriage.

so heres a little information on both girls and hopefully you guys can give me some good advice on who i should be with.

my ex PROS: -->
--we've know each other for 4 years and were married for 2 1/2
--she really takes good care of me, cooks (and she cooks really really good), cleans, and massages me all day after work.
--the absolute best sex i have ever had in my life hands down...
--we have two kids together, would've had three, but she had complications.( i have full custody f our kids by the way, she has custody as well but the kids stay with me permanently)
--she's very passive, so she doesnt get angry easily,
--she's giving and not stingy at all
--she's not high maintenance
--she's open to new things, she loves xbox like i do she loves basketball like i do).
--she loves to laugh like i do as well.
--she's extremely loyal.

MY EX CON'S:-->
--she is a little overweight but that just needs a little toning, im a man that likes a lady with curves so the weight isnt a big deal.
--i sometimes feel like im so much smarter than she is that our conversations are lifeless.
--im a big nerd she's not really into the nerdy things as much as i am.
--i like to read books and talk about them, she's not really ino that stuff that much.
--she's not as nice and kind as i would like..shes not mean at all, but she's just not as outgoing as i would prefer.


ok now on to the new girl.

NEW GIRL PROS:-->
--she is very kind and sweet.
--she knows how to cook.
--she is more intelligent than i am and thats attractive
--she loves to read like i do
--we can have really long converstaions without feeling like the other person is to dumb to understand.
--she has a son who is the same age as my boys.
--she's a good girl who has never been in any trouble.
--very well spoken
--she appears to be very loyal as well

NEW GIRL CONS:-->
--I've only known her for 2 months
--she doesn't have much of a sense of humor, im a goofball that loves to laugh and joke around. she'll smile but she doesn't laugh that much i dont know if that bad or not??
--i dont think she likes the sound of giving massages like my ex did.
--havent tasted her cooking so i dont know how that is.
--and the sex well, uhhhh it's pretty boring and doesn't feel that good.
--of course we dont have any kids with each other.


So both have pros and both have cons. I have history with one no history with the other.
One appears to be more fun than the other but the other is more book smart and more of an intellect.

I dont want to choose my ex just because the sex was grea. that lust and im looking to settle down and grow my family. but then the new girl has bad sex so i dont wanna settle down and not be happy on that note.

please answerology...give me some answers, i really need help.

WHO DO I CHOOSE AND WHY?

- Asked by mcrichie85, A Career Man, Male, 26-28

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Choose the ex-wife.
The new girl, even though she is smarter, her boring, non-joking side will wear on you, and you'll be looking for someone who is more fun to be around.
And what is up with the ex-wife giving you massages all the time???? That right there shows enormous devotion towards you, which is a trait that is much more difficult to find in a partner (man or woman) than intelligence.
And lastly, your kids ... they can experience their childhood with the same, biological 'mommy and daddy' throughout - these days, that experience is PRICELESS!!

- Response by andrewj5267, A Guy Critical, Male, 36-45, Miami, Teaching

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You have no right to judge your ex's behavior. You cheated on her. You were a selfish, self-absorbed PRICK. You owe to her and to your kids to try to work it out. Do not email me trying to justify anything. I deal in absolutes. No shades of grey here sunshine. Good luck.

- Response by clueless37, An Alternative Girl, Female, 36-45, Celebrity

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Wait, you say that the ex is not outgoing and passive; then you say that she got "crazy" when you were being a total a-hole. What it sounds like is that you managed to drive even a dull, passive person to distraction--that doesn't reflect on the person you drove to distraction, it reflects on you because obviously, by your own account, the ex's craziness is out of character for her.

Now you like the new girl, on the surface, for being something more than a dull sex object. Good for you--on the surface. However, you may be finding noble reasons to stick with fresh meat instead of going back to where you have definite obligations because of the kids. And given your behavior by your own account--it sounds like this is what you're doing.

Honestly, both women are way too good for you. You should really give them both a break and work on being a good father to the children you've fathered instead of working on fathering more.

- Response by electragold21, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, New York, Teaching

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Entering a relationship isn't like choosing an insurance policy or a new vehicle (hmmm, which has more bells and whistles? which has better stats on paper?) You enter a relationship because you WANT THE RELATIONSHIP, not because you did an eenie-meenie-minie-mo and Girl A won over Girl B.

It sounds to me like you have a history (and a pattern) of making impulsive, unwise decisions with women so perhaps a TIME OUT is in order....a period of time without committing to any woman to really develop yourself as a solid man who truly knows what he wants in a relationship and what it takes to maintain and nourish a meaningful bond.

- Response by surrealoptimism, A Creative, Female, 29-35

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My advice is pick neither. You don't love EITHER of them enough to be with them, and be faithful. You'd always be wondering, "what if". Concentrate on your kids more than the penis.

- Response by roaminginsomniac, An Alternative Girl, Female, 46-55, Law Enforcement

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In my observation, if you don't know who to choose, then you aren't ready for either one.
Regardless of who you pick, the other will always be in the back of you mind. And that's not fair to one you are with.
I get that you've made a lot of changes, but it sounds to me like you are closer to the beginning of your journey than the end. May be you should take some more time to sort yourself out before worrying about a relationship.
Best of luck.

- Response by falsehammer, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 29-35, Kansas City, Consulting

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I would say the ex wife. Yeah she got a little crazy but you know you were screwing around and that tends to make even the sweetest girl a bitch. But the new girl is better educated but you don't laugh with her you don't enjoy the sex. Those are two big problems. As far as intelligent convo's look for things that could spark intrest in both of you. As far as the reading thing. Joing a book club or see if you guys can find books you are both into something you could discuss.

You really are going to have to be the one that ultimately makes this decision but ask yourself this which woman can you see yourself with in 20 years. Which one can you look to and have a good time. which woman do you want to come home too. You can fix the things that drive you nuts with your ex wife. Do the cons you listed out weight the pro's? Good luck.

- Response by bellabyrdie, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Who Cares?

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Go back to your ex... WOW she gives you massages?? Some women just need emotional support. If she was being crazy because your actions make her,ask her to stop and stop doing things that make her like this. Don't stay with anyone with bad sex, you will just end up cheating her.Go back for your kids. Fix what problems you have with her, She sounds better. Also she is not as smart as you, but you can help that by teaching her things.Plays Xbox?? Some GTA4, or a nicer game where people don't curse??? Why would you leave her! your crazy.

- Response by thegirl8000, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 22-25

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the ex sounds way better than the other. Massages, great sex, she loves to laugh plus she's the mother of your children? come on, is this so hard?
But the only thing is that you cheated on her. Why does she even want you back? Are you sure you're not going to cheat on her again?

- Response by girlpower08, A Sportif, Female, 36-45

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Spend some time alone with yourself. You are still young and probably don't know your own mind well enough yet. Maybe neither is right for you but only time will tell.

- Response by englishrose4945, A Life of the Party, Female, 66 or older, Miami, Alternative Medicine

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go for good sex and chemistry! that always wins!

My husband is a little dumb in education/reading department but he shares my sense of humour and I love his cock!

and of course, we share out beautiful children!

I've been tempted by other more intelligent men in the past but always chose my husband and went back to him, he is my kids' daddy and that will never change.

Plus if sex was great for us in 11 years we were married it won't get worse and with someone new they may have hygene problem or anything or I'd have to re-teach them everything in bed - not interested! Lost of men are rubbish in bed, I don't care how intelligent they are

- Response by A Creative, Female, 29-35, Who Cares?

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Although you have taken the time to evaluate the various qualities you seen in each woman, they appear to all be things which are centered around you. Your priorities seem a bit skewed. Massages can be purchased from a masseuse, meals can be had at a restaurant, clothes can be washed at a laudromat, etc....
2 months isn't a very long time...

- Response by debcat, A Thinker, Female, 66 or older, Retired

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based on that pro/con list, you need to get back with your ex-wife and y'all need to work it out

- Response by NAJJA1, A Hip Hop Girl, Female, 29-35, Administrative

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Now that you go to church and can add religious fanaticism to your list of qualities you don't think you are a jerk? ?!

- Response by A Guy Critical, Male, 46-55, Technical

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I'm sorry I'm not in the mood to read a post this long.

- Response by troublemaker, A Mr. Married Guy, Male, 29-35, Managerial

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you have two kids with her...you Love her.... and she Loves you.... WTF is the problem...Maybe its time to Grow UP

- Response by boxer1, A Guy Critical, Male, 46-55, Self-Employed

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Your words: [But here's the problem, being that i was young, stupid and dumb and immature and not into church like i am now. i began to mess around, and i pretty much drove her crazy and brought out a side of her i didnt want to see. so we ended up divorcing in 2009.] Own up to your mistakes, and choose the woman that God chose for you. It seems like she's everything or most of the things that you want and need. Plus, you have children in common, and shared a few loses together. The rest of the stuff is too trivial and not important. You have a woman that loves you EVEN THOUGH you screwed up royally. She's willing to give it another try. Now, you have to "man up" and stop looking for someone to service your every need. Believe me, you're not everything that she would have liked either. She is willing to have you, flaws and all, if you're willing to be mature enough to take care of your responsibilities. Remember, you made two+ children with this woman. She's given you the best that she has. Get your intellectual stimulation from helping your children do their homework, coaching their soccer/baseball team, or teaching them to read/work the computer, ect. Your wife, while may seem less intelligent than you now, will one day surpass you in other areas....Well, she already has. She's been faithful. I vote for the woman that wants to make you her first priority, after the children, of course.

- Response by rhunt0210, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 46-55, Other Profession

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I was reading some of the answers, and I gotta say...so you made mistakes in the past, it happens. We ALL do, no one is perfect. I can tell just from your post, that you have grown up since then. If I were you, I'd choose the ex. Not only because she's the mother of your kids (I really don't feel couples should stay together just because they have kids). You said you're looking to settle down, and you've only known the other girl for 2 months, you still don't really know her yet, so whos to say anything good would really come from it? And by your cons against the ex, seems to me like there's really nothing bad there, except she's not as smart as you. I don't know how much that matters, but doesn't sound bad to me at all. The new girl you said, has no sense of humor. This is just me, but I feel one of the bigger things in a relationship, are when people can just make each other laugh, and can be like best friends. And the sex isn't that good. I don't feel sex is a BIG issue in a relationship, but I do feel it can be somewhat important to have a healthy sex life. And women can be snobby, bitches sometimes. Really, how many women like to play xbox, give their man massages, aren't stingy, not high maintenance, like sports, and don't get mad easily? Just those few things right there, sounds like a man's perfect woman. If you really want our opinions, I say choose the ex. Good luck to ya, hope everything works out for ya

- Response by proudmom88, An Alternative Girl, Female, 26-28, Atlanta

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Are you a Christian?

I am a Christian, and here is my take on it:

1) You cheated on your first wife. That is a big time screw up (God says, thou shalt not commit adultery) BUT if you genuinely repent God forgives you. God will not keep throwing your sin back in your face once you have confessed and repented. However, He does expect you to sin no more, and also to make reparation for your past sins. One way to make reparation - get back with your wife and treat her well and be a good father to those children. That is my opinion, but pray about it and talk to an older man at your church (a pastor or elder) that you trust.

The only caveat - are you willing to forgive yourself and is your ex-wife willing to forgive you? If you get back together with her, she needs to be able to believe that you have changed - so you must show her that you are no longer that screwed up guy, and she must not keep throwing the past in your face.

2) Divorce is allowed for adultery - but God hates divorce. Think about how much divorce might screw up your kids. Children need both a father and a mother. Ultimately, it's not just about you and what makes you happy. It's about doing the right thing and manning up to your responsibilities. God gave you those precious children and you need to put their needs first. If their mom loves you and is willing to forgive you - then I think you have an obligation to try to make the marriage work.

3) If you are truly right with God - you need to never, ever cheat on your wife again. Figure out what triggers cheating in you, and like Joseph with Potipher's wife, RUN from those things. If going to a bar with your friends and without your wife triggers that type of behavior - then you have to find other things to do with your friends because you CANNOT be going to bars and risk being tempted. Also, it will make it a lot easier for your wife to trust you and to forgive you if she can see that you are attacking the problem head on and changing your behavior.

4) Given that you have cheated before, don't try to stop alone. Ask for help. Pray regularly to God, ask your wife to help you and talk to a man in your church - either a pastor or elder - you trust about this problem. If your church is truly a Christian church, they will not hold your past sins against you, they will help you to avoid sinning in future.

5) Explain to the new woman that as wonderful as she is, you need to do what God wants you to do and to be there for your kids. Wish her the best in her life and pray for her that she will find the perfect husband for her.

I think you are someone who wants to be a good man but when you were young you may have gotten married too young and you were tempted... but you have grown up a lot since then, and you are trying to be a good person.

- Response by curvysmartgirl, A Creative, Female, 36-45, Dallas, Artist / Musician / Writer

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Stay away from both of them until you've been able to sort your emotions out.

- Response by myrtletyrtle, A Cool Mom, Female, 46-55, Who Cares?

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Either take some time alone our get back with your ex. Its the least you could do after putting her through so much hell. Plus if you are not satisfied with sex now from the new girl you are probably going to end up cheating on her with your ex...since she was the best. No one is perfect we are all flawed but bringing this new girl in this mess is wrong because you know how you feel about the ex.

- Response by sexxicrazzigirl, A Trendsetter, Female, 26-28, Dallas, Medical / Dental

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"Was young?" With all due respect to you and all that you've done for this country, please don't choose either of these women. You believe you've grown up. But, you're really still young. Especially, in your selection process regarding these women. You're in the church now. Shouldn't your criteria be based upon what your faith teaches would be a good wife for you? Shouldn't your faith teach you what type of husband you should be to the wife?

Your "pros and cons" listing lacks any information about your own. And, "loved" is past tense. Therefore, you should have stated you "still love her and she still loves you. This indicates that the love you're referring to isn't a little removed. If you really love her, you wouldn't even consider this other woman after a mere two months. You seem to move pretty fast when you meet a woman. That in itself isn't that bad. You seem to be just a little impulsive. If you've truly grown up. You need to simply decide if you want to get back with your ex-wife and commit to it.

You don't truly know this new girl and you cheated on a great woman (to hear you state it) that gave you the best sex you have ever had in your life. So, what do you really think you'll do with a woman who gives you bad sex and doesn't care for humor. She's a sweet girl with intelligence. Personally, I believe the wife you drove to insanity is the better option. But, I don't believe in revisiting a past dysfunctional and unhealthy relationship. I don't care who was at fault for it's demise. The choice ultimately is your own. Good luck to you. But, I think you're asking the wrong people for your direction and guidance. This sounds like a matter for some prayer and fasting, being back in the church an all as you said! IJS

- Response by thelovedovefor1, A Creative, Female, 46-55, Atlanta, Who Cares?

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You follow your HEART. Your heart will tell you who to choose. The new girl is that NEW....She looks and sounds great! Give her time and she might not be what you like. Unless your marriage was a toxic one, meaning mental and physical abuse, you should work things out with your wife and children. And seek marital counseling to help assist with reparing the marriage IF your heart is still in it.......

- Response by thekissbandit, A Thinker, Female, 29-35

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Neither! I say you need some time to yourself to think about many things, including these two women in your life. When you said that you brought out a bad side from your ex, I had to really think about that, and I'm sorry but I think you're wrong about that one. It's impossible for you to bring an emotion out of somebody else. She's responsible for her own actions, emotions, decisions, etc. You saw a side of her you didn't like. Have you seen that side just once or twice, and then she seemed to get herself in check, or has that "bad" side of her emerged permanately? Just curious about that. It sounds like you have two women that you care about deeply, but it also sounds like you have serious issues with both of them.. That's why I said neither, b/c if you can name that many cons, there's gotta be something wrong, ya know? Well, I wish you luck, and take care!

- Response by suzyscorp, A Trendsetter, Female, 46-55, Who Cares?

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Neither. Leave the two ladies in peace, they can do better. You need prostitutes and there is plenty of them on each street corner.

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Other Profession

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Buddy,
From what I was reading, you never got the chance to even solve your own issues. In other words, even you had a divorce, you were still having sex with your ex-wife. You never had time to be by yourself. Then you you met another woman. What you need to do is become friends with your wife. Not lovers anymore. You need time alone to figure what you want in life, not through women. You are not going to find happiness in other people. Also, you don't even know the second girl to well and honestly you are not happy at all and you have two women who will not satisfy you because you don't even know yourself very well. So please for one year don't be involved with anyone. Be with your boys. You have to talk to your ex about the boundaries you have to set up. If you are not happy with the second woman, move on. So do that for you. After a year, see how much you learned about yourself. that means you can try to travel on your own vacation to reflect. Once you do that, you can move on forward. Do that for you and you will fell complete with yourself and then you can feel better to make decisions to make you happy. I know you have your boys but if you take that time out you will be a better man and a better father. Good Luck you need this journey.

- Response by womanv, A Career Woman, Female, 36-45, New York, Self-Employed

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Just wanted to thank you for all your help! Your spell is amazing and got my man back. Now to clarify, it had already been some time since we had even spoken to each other, and I was really starting to miss him. but since i contacted xxxxxxxxxx to bring him back, and it worked! . I could not have done it without you! We are now blissfully celebrating our Birthdays together, and are even planning a beach getaway just us two.
Thank you sooooo much!!!
tricia

- Response by tricialor, A Thinker, Female, 26-28, Self-Employed

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