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Getting married in 5 months..unsure?
I hope some helpful advice will sway me in one direction or the other with this situation. Ive been with my fiance for 3 years, we've been engaged for 6 months. We are a great couple..but we fight at least once a week. Sound like an oxymoron? lol He is a great person, hard working, will help anyone with anything at the drop of a hat, jack of all trades, affectionate, attractive, etc. The downside?..I'm no doctor of course, but I think he may be bipolar, and Im certain he is OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.)
I think he is bipolar, because he is extremely moody, one minute he's maniacally happy for no reason and then the next, all it takes is the dog barking too much, or he stubbed his toe, (random things that just plain happen in life), then he's angry. Angry turns to explosive as the day goes on, when life just doesnt go the exact way he wants it to. The explosive side can last a couple hours, he begins throwing things, breaking things, destroying anything he can find within reach, whether it be his own belongings, or someone elses.
These episodes of rage have calmed down since his doctor put him on an anti-depressant. I believe the medicine has only put a blanket over his problem. He still has outbursts, just not as often, & he still gets angry over silly things. How often is he angry, no exaggeration...about 4-5 days out of a 7 day week.
These countless days of tension, anger, and occasionally rage wear him down, and then he becomes depressed. Are we correct to assume the medicine isn't quite what he needs?
Im sure you're wondering if he is abusive toward me? Physically, no, never, and I know he wouldn't. Mentally? Yes, to an extent. He sometimes makes me feel like I'm not as good of a person as he is, because I don't make enough money, I work part-time (not by choice, whatsoever, it's just what I have to do to meet my productivity goals at my job.)
He boasts about how he works 40 hrs a week, and claims Im lazy. Long story short, he works 40 hrs mon-fri and has his own business at home as a mechanic, so yes, he is always busy. BUT..Im a hairstylist, out of my control, I work 28 hrs a week. Im not a mechanic, so when Im not working, I dont have side jobs to take up all my time. He doesn't seem to understand how different we are as people, and how different our lifestyles are. Im laid back, calm, I work, I come home, I spend time with him, and if im not doing either of them, I enjoy time to myself on the computer. He gets angry at me for this, I find myself feeling like I have to lie about what I did all day, because he wants me to do things that are "productive". So instead of saying I played computer games for a couple hours, I feel I should say that I did the laundry, or cleaned the house, otherwise he'll get mad.
Another mild issue, is, he's a clean freak (thats where the ocd comes in.) By the way, we both are still living at our parents house, but currently looking for our own. Anyway, his obsessiveness with cleaning is that excessive, that when he is here at my parents house, he will actually get the vaccuum out, and do every room that leads to my room (including my room), I have two bedroom doors one leads to the kitchen, and the other to the living room, so he will vaccuum and dust both, so that when he is here, he has the peace of mind knowing that he is in a neat and clean environment. It is nice in one way, but offensive to my family in another. He has made comments about my family being trashy, and we are FAR from it. His mother cleans and vaccuums and dusts everyday, non-stop. That is what he's used to. Here, we do these things twice a week..so he thinks his family is superior because we arent ocd like they are. Everyone is different, and I can accept that, I just wish he could accept me, and my family for the way we are.
If you are reading this, THANK YOU for taking the time to, sorry it was so lengthy. I just feel that I need some advice and opinions on what I should do? I love him for the wonderful amazing person he is when he is not angry, but the other side of him is sometimes unbearable, and he brings me right down with him.
There is so much more that I could get into about, but I'll save that for another time, and save you from reading longer. Those are just the main issues. ANY help, advice, or opinions would be GREATLY appreciated.
Thanks so much for reading.
- Asked by rael106780
, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Artist / Musician / Writer