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Does she really want me to leave her alone?
Friendship / 5:36 PM - Saturday January 01, 2011

Does she really want me to leave her alone?

A few weeks ago I was a drunk, stupid man and I told my friend I was in love with her.

She is in a relationship, albeit not a very happy one, but I still know it doesn't make what I done right.

I apologised to her and tried to speak to her about it afterwards, but she told me that we couldn't really be friends anymore.
Of course, of course. I was stupid, and although it hurts so bad I have to face the consequence of my actions. So I left her alone.

A few days, a week went by and I attempted no contact or conversation. But now she is not leaving me alone, sometimes she gives me an icy stare. Sometimes a smile, yesterday she came up out of the blue and spoke to me so sweetly.

Later she came and stood next to me for no reason, waited about a minute and then left. What should I have done? She asked me to leave her alone and I'm trying to get over her, but suddenly she is always there.

- Asked by A Life of the Party, Male, 29-35, Los Angeles

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Ok, well we all know that alcohol can make us do things that we normally wouldn't. It's really best to stay away from people that you don't want to make a 'mistake' with when you decide to drink. Heh.

Ok, so... we know that. As for the girl, a couple things to consider:
First, she is in a relationship. You should not be helping to complicate that situation for her. Talk to her without crossing boundaries - or wait until she is single, period.

What she is doing is also something to question about her character, especially if you are thinking of dating her in the future. If she's going to tell you one thing and then confuse you almost intentionally, I'd consider that this isn't the only time it is done. =-)

- Response by cutypy5840, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Medical / Dental

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I agree with joybird. This can't be a game and no one wants to get hurt. Decide what you can live with and what you want for the both of you. If a friendship is what she wants to keep and you can handle that then do it....but if she wants more the games have to stop and reality needs to be dealt with so the two of you can move to a more positive relationship.

- Response by lasttrueromantic, A Creative, Female, 36-45, Teaching

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Maybe she is confused about how she feels. She might not have ever thought about you two being together, but after you opened the door she may have developed feelings for you or got really confused about the way she feels -especially if she is not happy with her boyfriend. The only way to find out is to talk to her and ask why she is acting this way.

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Who Cares?

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I would keep this very simple. She told you to leave her alone.

She does have a boyfriend.

I would avoid her like the plague.

If she honestly changes her mind, let her seek you out and TELL YOU SHE CHANGED HER MIND.

Until this happens, when you see her, turn and walk the other direction. Next thing you know, you will be facing her boyfriend and be accused of lord knows what!

She is the person that got angry here. She ended the friendship.

It is ONLY HER that can put it back together again.

- Response by randyl, A Thinker, Female, Who Cares?, Technical

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She doesn't sound like she's very mature and maybe is acting like this because she's flattered or confused, but anyway, this is definitely a game you don't want to be playing.

- Response by atonewithmyself, A Player, Female, 56-65

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The next time she's giving you nice attention (not the icy stare), you address this directly. You turn toward her, spread your arms with palms up in the traditional "I don't know" gesture, and say "You told me to leave you alone. Is that what you want?" I bet you'll get your answer either way.

- Response by mikehug, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 46-55, Cleveland

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