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I had a one night stand with a girl I like and now she doesn't even text me. Is it me, or her?
Sex & Intimacy / 1:33 AM - Monday December 20, 2010

I had a one night stand with a girl I like and now she doesn't even text me. Is it me, or her?

We had hung out a few times before and everything seemed awesome. We talked, texted, and even shared private personal information with each other. I felt a certain connection with her and thought the feeling was mutual. One night after a party she offered for me to spend the night with her, and of course I accepted. Once we arrived at her house very little time elapsed before we started having sex. It was very heavy and according to her screaming I was doing a good job. Except after 20 minutes I just got too tired. She asked if I "finished" and I said "no" and that she tired me out. I also mentioned the fact that I didn't "finish" was because of the alcohol I had earlier (which was the truth). She gave a little fake laugh and rolled over. She said she doesn't "kiss and tell" and that was fine with me. In the morning I had to get up for work and I gave her a kiss on the shoulder and told her "by." There wasn't anything awkward about the exchange as I left. She even playfully texted me shortly after about a hickey I left on her neck (oops). Anyway thinking things were cool I have tried to contact her like normal and she mostly doesn't reply back and she hasn't tried to contact me at all. I haven't contacted her in a few days because I don't want to seem desperate. I'm only stressing because I felt a connection before having sex with her. Are any chances of having a relationship with this girl ruined?

- Asked by A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 26-28, Teaching

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Sounds to me like she isn't really interested. Not that you did anything wrong, because anyone who's ever had a few too many to drink know that performance isn't always what you want it to be. Not to mention first times with a new person can be awkward and unfinished. I don't think she holds any bad thoughts about you, but I bet she kinda thinks.. Well.. oops. That didn't work out quite the way I thought. Now here's your option. If you want another chance with her, in the sack OR in a relationship, you need to do two different things. If you just want to give the sex a try again, then you tell her. You man up, and act like a total confidant guy, for just the 3 minutes it takes to have this conversation, and you say, "Hey that last time we hooked up felt kinda sloppy on my part, and wasn't really what I wanted to accomplish for you. Lets give it another try, minus too much alcohol." That is for getting laid again. If you want a relationship then you tell her, "That attempt we made the other night wasn't what I was going for. I want to date you, be with you socially and talk, and I want to get to first and second base and eventually I'd like to make up a few plays with you, but for now what I really want is to date you." You gotta say the word. DATE YOU. Be honest. Either you want another shot as a bed buddy, or you want a shot at a relationship. The only way to get either is to talk to her about it.

- Response by gottabecarrie, A Creative, Female, 36-45, London, Construction

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You never know until you ask....ask her Try Calling...ask her if she wants to meet up somewhere...then Enjoy....oh and if she says Noooo...you have your answer

- Response by boxer1, A Guy Critical, Male, 46-55, Self-Employed

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Youi must have been really bad in the sack, so much so....she might be trying to forget!!!! I wouldn't push your luck....

- Response by richard77, A Jock, Male, Who Cares?, Self-Employed

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she sounds like a slut.
son, she got what she wanted and you too.
if she was really into you, she would be communicating with you.
she must have tired out for you.

- Response by mobysdick, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 46-55, Who Cares?

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If it is, as you called it, a "one night stand", does it even matter if she calls? Isn't that kind of the point?

- Response by beautifullynumb, A Married Girl, Female, 36-45

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