Back to Home

Active Questions

No Self Respect!!! Why would or could any woman loss so much self respect for herself, to keep a man
Married Life / 3:09 PM - Thursday December 16, 2010

No Self Respect!!! Why would or could any woman loss so much self respect for herself, to keep a man

My friend just got off the phone with me, and told
me that her friend's husband asked her for a divorce. That happens everyday!
What I don't understand is why is this woman willing to give up her self respect, in the process.
She gave up her contacts on the computer.
Has to text her whatabouts, all day long! He must
have some TRUST ISSUES!
Sex is "only" when "HE" wants, forget about her.
Must agree to all that "HE" wants, if he's to stay
in this marriage.
My question to her is, Are you a wife or a prisoner???
Would you do this and more to keep your relationship, or marriage????
I'm sorry, but to be this miserable, I rather be
alone!!! I also feel, my Self Respect is one
of the many things, I'm not willing to give up?

What do you think about this situation???

- Asked by helpful5714, A Thinker, Female, Who Cares?, Self-Employed

Read more about the Rating System


dont know her situation or his
however if i had to make my woman check in like being on parole i just assume be alone also
if i had to do that for a woman that is in love with me i would leave before the first day of that kind of prison.
i respect my lady and i dont fear that she will cheat if she does cheat then its not a relationship any ways. nor if she feels she has to watch me like a hawk cause of her trust issues i would find some one new to love on and share my passion. jealousy is a fraction from hate and it starts with a lack of control . if you have to make stipulations for some one to love you its never love!

- Response by superbussell, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 46-55, Detroit, Artist / Musician / Writer

Rating Received:


The guy is a controlling freak.

However, it's a woman's responsibility not to marry a man like that. Maybe she was abused as a child or she has some other issues. Before she gets into another relationship and replicates this pattern of abuse, she needs to get some therapy and fix herself. It's better to be alone and independent than to be in a relationship with a jerk, but some women (and men) don't realize this and feel inadequate without someone, anyone... that is the problem.

- Response by curvysmartgirl, A Creative, Female, 36-45, Dallas, Artist / Musician / Writer

Rating Received:


Many women never had that much self respect to begin with and women like this mostly enjoy being controlled because she figures that if he's willing to do all of that to keep her then he must not want her to leave and hence he "MUST" love her.

I've spoken with many women in controlling relationships and they always assume that the guy is acting like a jealous asshole, checking her mileage on the car to account for every 0.10 of a mile, asking her where she went, checking her receipts if she says she went to the store, if she didn't buy anything, making her get in the car, then driving back to the store to ask the clerks if she was just there or not, etc. Total control and PSYCHO behavior, but there are many women out that LIKE it and see it as proof that he cares.

One woman that had this happening even had 3 jealous older sisters who all wished that their husbands "cared SO much" to get so crazy and insanely jealous like that.. I'm like WTF?? Are you all REALLY that naive, insecure and STUPID?? Apparently they were for even when he would run down the driveway and dive on the hood of her car to stop the car, then fall off into the street as she turned the wheel while backing out, hit the pavement and pretended to be dead.. she was still all upset and worried even though he had hit her, divorced her then wanted to remarry her as a game, etc.

When she told me this story and I told her that he's a psycho and she has to get away for her and her daughters sake and I asked, what did he think he was going to do by jumping on the hood of the car.. does he think he's superman and he's going to actually be able to stop the car or something, and you have your daughter witnessing this crap?? She just said "well, he loves me and didn't want me to leave".. I said and you THINK that's normal behavior for someone that loves you??? Your JUST as BAD as he is because you're enabling his behavior and even though you complain about it to anyone that will listen, you secretly like it..so stop whining and stay with him for the rest of your life and screw up your daughter.

So there are many women out there that have NO self respect, esteem OR brains all wrapped up in one and will tolerate such psycho assholes as this.

she apparently likes it and takes his constant attempts to control as proof that he cares otherwise he wouldn't be doing all of that. She ASSUME as many women do that men who act that way are doing so primarily from insecurities.... it's not insecurities, it's really about control and power but again, many women don't care about the intellectual aspects of whatever is going on in his mind.. many are just SO screwed up themselves that ALL they care about is what makes THEM FEEL good, FEEL loved or FEEL secure and if that means putting up with his psycho behavior.. so what.


- Response by richsifu, A Rebel, Male, 46-55, Science / Engineering

Rating Received:


A married couple should help each other shine, not hold each other down. That marriage sounds like misery, I agree with you.

- Response by 1junebug, A Cool Mom, Female, 36-45

Rating Received:


The woman has allowed herself to become a doormat, perhaps in order to find some love from her husband or to keep him. It's unfortunate that that rarely works. And it's fortunate that her husband has finally decided to call it quits. Now, counsel your friend to get a lawyer with teeth so that she isn't a doormat in divorce court as well.

- Response by stoney07, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 66 or older, Who Cares?

Rating Received:


It's pretty common. Relationships aren't about one, rather they are about the two people building a life together. What's funny is in a relationship like that you actually feel quite alone... so there really isn't a difference, when you say you would rather be alone than what? Than being alone... that's kind of silly. Some people say hey you marry once, that's all you get. What if you divorce will you have your alone time and independence? Of course, but what do you have in the marriage? the same, but hope as well... that those silly girlish dreams of yours would come true. Is it likely? of course not. is it more likely than if you get a divorce? of cours.e

- Response by kalicalendar16, A Hippie Chick, Female, 29-35

Rating Received:


In answer to your question, your friend still lives in the "Dark Ages" where men said, "Jump!" and women asked "How high?"

But, speaking honestly, I think your friend or HER friend may be afraid of her husband. If he asked for the divorce, she can stipulate some of the terms if she has a decent lawyer and not a wimpy one. Fair is fair. And if she has any backbone, she'll have her home, her kids, child support, etc. He can't just "walk out" of the marriage scot free.

She should seek some counseling to get her through all this.

I'm just hoping she's not the kind who will BEG to stay married to this gross individual.



- Response by pushkins, A Thinker, Female, 66 or older, Miami, Who Cares?

Rating Received:


It sounds like a combination of him being controlling and her having low self esteem. He could have her convinced that she could get no one else. I agree I would rather be alone then be in a relationship like that.

- Response by electroman, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 46-55, Seattle, Science / Engineering

Rating Received:


I think that for whatever reason we emotionally and/or mentally mature at different times. Some people NEVER "bloom into the self loving, capable person they could be." While it's very sad, it's just a reality. Be glad it's not yours.

- Response by birdland, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Who Cares?

Rating Received:


There are two sides to each coin!

- Response by dambreaker, A Father Figure, Male, 56-65, Retired

Rating Received:


It is truly shameful that anyone would do that to another person, and its even more shameful that there are some who think it's OK to do that. Alone would be much better for sure.

- Response by derrick229, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 46-55, Construction

Rating Received:


I think If that was My Sister.... Id be doing a Bit of Bitch Slapping on her man

- Response by boxer1, A Guy Critical, Male, 46-55, Self-Employed

Rating Received:


To some folks, negative attention is better than NO attention at all.

That is a good example of how truly bad their lives have been up to now. What they currently have, is the best they ever expected. :(

- Response by randyl, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Los Angeles, Technical

Rating Received:


This would never happen!

- Response by clip22, A Career Woman, Female, 36-45, Executive

Rating Received:


same situation that i was once in...

- Response by mobysdick, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 46-55, Who Cares?

Rating Received:


She is too lazy to work.

- Response by A Guy Critical, Male, 46-55, Technical

Rating Received:


For a woman to put up with that behavior means she was probably abused growing up and had no positive male role models, nor has she worked on her own issues to learn to protect herself and love herself. Refer her to Safeplace.

- Response by blossoming1, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Seattle, Civil Service

Rating Received:


I FEEL UR RIGHT>
SHE SHOULD NOT SUBMIT TO ALL HIS WHIMS AND FANCIES AND ACT BOLDLY

- Response by mohan, A Creative, Male, 56-65, New Delhi, Other Profession

Rating Received:


You are right on the money. Not much i can add except that woman is setting herself up for more grief than that guy is worth.

Giamando

- Response by giamando, A Rebel, Male, 56-65, Self-Employed

Rating Received: