Y'know, it's almost a little comforting to hear this because I go though a very similar process.
For me, I feel like I'm a good guy, I have a wondeful girlfriend who I love deeply, and we can't be together due to distance and the fact that we're tied to our locations by our children from our marriages. What's hard is being affected by the actual results of my ex-wife's decisions and coldness towards me on a daily basis. You should be able to let something go if you are lucky enough to get a "clean" break, but, in my case, I couldn't get a clean break or closure so working through the resentment and trying to be the person I want myself to be is a daily struggle.
I'd imagine if someone loses a limb as a soldier, they use mental tricks on themselves to help themselves move on. Sometimes it's faith that everything happens for a reason, or that god had a plan for this, or how the experience has made them a better or stronger person.
I personally suspect that using these emotional devices is all part of the same daily struggle against resentment and that those people never really get over it either.
To some folks, the "reward" of appearing to be emotionally strong and "have a great attitude about what they went through" is what motivates them to struggle against the resentment.
Eventually, some people trick their brain into being ok with whatever awful thing they went through.
Passing of time helps if the person who hurt you is not still in your life hurting you.
Having emotional support from a friend goes a long way towards feeling happy and loved and to deal with the process each day.
I think you can be happy with yourself, happy with other things in your life, open minded towards a lot of things, have fun, feel generally "good"... but still have to work through intensely difficult feelings each day.
If not, then I really don't know how people "do that" for sure.
If you have empathy and some level of care for how the world around you is, when awful things happen, it's going to have an emotional impact.
I just don't know how it doesn't.
Let me finish by saying that, in order to move away from an emotional whirlpool, it takes a lot of time and emotional fuel from yourself and those who support you.
If anyone is giving you emotional support, make sure you thank them so that they don't give up on you.
- Response by wp2007
, A Creative, Male, 36-45, Pittsburgh, Artist / Musician / Writer