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Dwelling, Regretting and Obsessing Over Past Events.
Jokes, Polls & Anything Else / 10:08 AM - Wednesday December 15, 2010

Dwelling, Regretting and Obsessing Over Past Events.

I'm stuck in a vicious cycle. I'm trying to move on and become a more production person, but these negative memories keep replaying.

Do you have any advice?

- Asked by Female, 36-45

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I have been going through a similar experience. My brain gets so tired of replaying the negative memories over and over. However, it has gotten a little better. I do have some OCD tendencies which might make it worse. Keeping real busy seems to work best for me.

- Response by mld1221, A Career Man, Male, Who Cares?, Los Angeles, Managerial

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Go....and make some new memories.

- Response by drumboi2, A Guy Critical, Male, 56-65

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Community Rating: Community Star

Y'know, it's almost a little comforting to hear this because I go though a very similar process.

For me, I feel like I'm a good guy, I have a wondeful girlfriend who I love deeply, and we can't be together due to distance and the fact that we're tied to our locations by our children from our marriages. What's hard is being affected by the actual results of my ex-wife's decisions and coldness towards me on a daily basis. You should be able to let something go if you are lucky enough to get a "clean" break, but, in my case, I couldn't get a clean break or closure so working through the resentment and trying to be the person I want myself to be is a daily struggle.

I'd imagine if someone loses a limb as a soldier, they use mental tricks on themselves to help themselves move on. Sometimes it's faith that everything happens for a reason, or that god had a plan for this, or how the experience has made them a better or stronger person.

I personally suspect that using these emotional devices is all part of the same daily struggle against resentment and that those people never really get over it either.

To some folks, the "reward" of appearing to be emotionally strong and "have a great attitude about what they went through" is what motivates them to struggle against the resentment.

Eventually, some people trick their brain into being ok with whatever awful thing they went through.

Passing of time helps if the person who hurt you is not still in your life hurting you.

Having emotional support from a friend goes a long way towards feeling happy and loved and to deal with the process each day.

I think you can be happy with yourself, happy with other things in your life, open minded towards a lot of things, have fun, feel generally "good"... but still have to work through intensely difficult feelings each day.

If not, then I really don't know how people "do that" for sure.

If you have empathy and some level of care for how the world around you is, when awful things happen, it's going to have an emotional impact.

I just don't know how it doesn't.

Let me finish by saying that, in order to move away from an emotional whirlpool, it takes a lot of time and emotional fuel from yourself and those who support you.

If anyone is giving you emotional support, make sure you thank them so that they don't give up on you.


- Response by wp2007, A Creative, Male, 36-45, Pittsburgh, Artist / Musician / Writer

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Ask God to take the negative memories out of your mind. Wake up each day thinking of only positive things and have a thankful heart for the things & people that you have in your life, no matter how small. RELEASE it all and you will be able to move forward. :-)

- Response by praisegod, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Self-Employed

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Instead of regretting, learn from it so when you move forward you don't make the same choices next time. Let the past go, can't go backward you can only move forward. Some things just weren't meant to be. So don't beat yourself up over it, just try to stay positive & let the negativity go.

- Response by melmac, A Thinker, Female, 29-35

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A person needs to seek professional help if they have problems finding closure to negative memories. It is important to end the past and be able to have a healthy future. Rosey

- Response by roseytalks, A Thinker, Female, Who Cares?, Tampa, Who Cares?

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put anything you can find that is positive for you. put them everywhere. stay away from people that bring you down (easier said than done, i know). even if you force yourself to even being a fake phappy person...........your subconscious will take over. it make take a while but you CAN do it. if you'd like to chat with me, just let me know. believe me, i've been there and sometimes go back.

- Response by imissit, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 66 or older, Who Cares?

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I got know what happen before I can advice you more.

- Response by twilightzone85, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 29-35, Milwaukee, Food Service

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Keeping worrying is my advice. Everything I worry never seems to happen.

- Response by blueokie, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 56-65, Oklahoma City, Retired

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