Insecurity and cheating - does one lead to the other?
A friend of mine and I were talking about his insecure wife - he cheated and blamed her, and here is what I told him.
Anyone who cheats is a cheater - period.
When a woman or a man acts overly insecure, this is one of the WORST possible behaviors to show in a relationship. It is a subtle behavioral signal that screams to your mate "I am beneath you and unworthy and cannot compete with others, so go have sex with other people!"
Insecure people do not want to hear this, and so they get defenseive (because that's what insecure people do) and they kill the messenger and keep acting insecure. This leads to more cheating, and ironically, more insecurity.
A relationship rests on a basic level of trust in order to survive. I would argue that without the security part, there can be no trust.
What do you think?
Update: December 13, 2010.
This is not about a secure spouse using the other spouse's insecurity as a reason to cheat. Just that it may sometimes be a contributing factor.
No justifications here.
You can take this perspective, get defensive and kill the messenger. That's your call.
Joybird, I am impressed! You may be the only person on the planet who is completely unbiased. You surely do not hold to a constructivist paradigm - I do though - and I admit my bias in this case. We are ALL biased by our own experiences.
This has been mine and I am sharing it. So instead of using the term "Worst" (assuming that is the pejorative term you meant), I will say instead that it is highly effective at creating a sense of cognitive dissonance in their spouse, thereby contributing to an emotional disconnect, which may in turn set the stage for potential infidelity.
I agree - it is a complex issue. I am one who breaks such complexity into smaller parts because I am clearly not as wise as you and I need stuff in small bites sometimes.
- Asked by kopfjaeger
, A Career Man, Male, 46-55