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Getting involved in a relationship with someone who has children and has been married before.
Dating / 10:44 AM - Saturday December 11, 2010

Getting involved in a relationship with someone who has children and has been married before.

How do you guys feel about this? I know when I was younger, say around late teens and early twenties, the idea didn't appeal to me at all.

But now that I am 27 I realize that more and more people have already married and had kids by this age. Therefore, the pool of single people with no children or past is few and far between.

The only reason I am asking this is because I fear that I may now have to file for an annulment of my marriage due to reasons beyond my control and I have a daughter from this marriage.

I guess I worry that no one will be interested in me because I have a child and an ex-husband (if it comes to that.)

I know this is probably childish thinking from my earlier days, so please tell me your thoughts. Hopefully it will reassure me that there is a future for me if the worst case scenario happens. Thanks.

- Asked by hollaback63, A Creative, Female, 29-35, Charlotte, Administrative

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If you divorce, or annul, there is every optortunity to find love again.

Not with everybody, but certainly many folks.

You are right in that, as one ages, and finds oneself single again, most folks the same age will have gone though something silmilar.

Never think that you are not lovable, just because you have a child. :)

Further thoughts...IF you find yourself single again, take some time out.

Get yours, and your child's life on an even keel, before getting into the dating scene again. It will do you both good. Best wishes!

- Response by mamom04, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 56-65, Phoenix

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At my age, dating women with children is sort of a given. I always look for the best, and try to give my best.
The dramas always catch up to us after a while-- There's the old "My child will always be first" syndrome, which means that any new potential mate actually comes in around sixth or seventh... after the kid(s), the toxic ex, school, work, the toxic ex, your parents, and so on. Did I mention the toxic ex? He never quite leaves the picture.
The key to keeping a good man is to find a spot for him a little closer to the top in your life.

- Response by chesterdad, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 66 or older, San Francisco

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Let me give you some reassurance here....

I married at 18, we had a daughter when I was 19, and we had to end our union just before I turned 22 (he decided being a husband and Dad wasn't as easy and fun he thought it would be, and counseling didn't help him). I had the same fear you did, especially being so young. Know what happened? After 8 months of court battles and physical separation and ending in official divorce, I met a guy YOUNGER than myself (he was only 19). He introduced himself, and even though he was hesitant when I told him I was a divorced single parent, he continued to pursue me. 4+ years later he's still here, well bonded with me and my daughter who loves him like crazy. And to top it all off, my boyfriend and ex husband are actually civil and polite to one another.

It can happen, so try not to worry : ) I'm more than happy to chat more if need be!

- Response by olysiren, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 29-35, Who Cares?

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i that person is really into you
they won't care
and actually be happy
cause there are some guys who want to be with a women but not have children

- Response by sanchidoll, A Career Woman, Female, 22-25, New York, Student

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I realize that my situation isn't quite the same as yours. . .but I am childfree by choice and currently dating a man who has a daughter from his first marriage.

The difference here being that he is in his mid-fortyies and his daughter is already grown and moved out, so it's not like being an active step-parent to a younger child. Had that been the case, I may not have been as likely to get involved in a relationship with him at all.

But still, I don't think you should consider yourself "un-date-able". . .you're certainly not the only person out there who will be a single parent. Just realize that there are people out there who don't want children, and don't want the complications of getting involved with someone who already has a child. Don't hold it against them or take it personally, just move on.

- Response by saucywench, A Creative, Female, 36-45, Cincinnati, Other Profession

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I'd like to add this: Don't allow other people to lay a guilt-trip on you about finding a new man for yourself. They will pound you with "Your child should come first!", but what they're really getting at is, "You must sacrifice ALL of your needs for your child."
That is insane.
When you are feeling empty and used up because your needs have gone un-met for too long, how can you possibly fulfill your child's needs?
The fact is, your child isn't Number One; YOU are Number One.

- Response by chesterdad, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 66 or older, San Francisco

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