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How can I get my parents to respect me as an adult?
Family & Parenting / 3:09 PM - Tuesday November 30, 2010

How can I get my parents to respect me as an adult?

I have lived in Germany for a year alone and now I am living in Italy, again alone. I now want to visit Vienna by myself and they are trying to stop me saying that it is an unnecessary risk to go alone and that it is unsafe. I think I am in the same danger no matter where I go. I have been studying Vienna and I want to see what I have been learning about! How can I get them to see me as an adult?

Update: November 30, 2010.
Thanks everyone. I am of course grateful to have such great parents and I know that they will always worry, but they act like I am too stupid to get somewhere on my own. I do not know what else to do to prove my maturity to them, I do not drink, smoke or do drugs. I do not sleep around or go out late. At home I manage an office and work 2 other jobs on the side to support myself. But I feel like it gets me nowhere.

- Asked by tuala, A Creative, Female, 22-25, Student

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To them you will always be their "little girl". Probably until you are sixty or so. I don't think that there is anything you can do about it.

Guys have it much easier, and for that I am thankful. When I was in the army in Germany (early 70's), I told my parents that I wanted to buy a motorcycle and tour Europe when I got out of the army.

I got no real encouragement, and did receive a fat envelope of newspaper clippings about people I knew who had been killed or maimed on motorcycle accidents.

And during the trip I met several women doing the same. I met a woman riding alone on a BMW, and who was having no problems. She was french and spent the night with us (4 bikes) camping and went her own way in the morning.

Then there was the women we met hitchhiking in Morocco. We met her in the campground. I asked if she thought it was dangerous, and she replied that so far nothing had happened and figured the worst that could happen was that some one was going to try to force her to have sex, and she was ok with having sex with some truck driver if that is what it took. But up until then nothing had been demanded of her.

Of course there are risks. The press reports bad things all the time. But these are really pretty rare. While I was traveling, I found that people were nothing but nice. A guy in Rome went out of his way to show us how to get to the campground. A farmer in pompii let us camp in his fruit orchard and gave us fruit and wine.

Of course it is better if you could find someone to travel with. Your parents will probably not be any happier if you travel with a guy than if you do it alone. There are a lot of places you can find fellow travelers in Europe, I suggest you look. But it certainly can be done alone. I think Vienna is safer than NYC. Most European cities have pretty low crime rates, guns are much less available so you are unlikely to get shot.

And since they will not see you as an adult as long as they can tell you what to do, I suggest that you just go, have fun, incur their wrath, and perhaps get some grudging respect.

Good luck

- Response by welloone, A Mr. Married Guy, Male, 66 or older, Retired

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I have to assume that your parents must be supporting you in some sort of financial aspect, otherwise you wouldn't give two hoots about their opinion as an independent adult. If such is the case, this may be their way of telling you they are tired of funding your excursions and it may have very little to do with them not respecting you as an adult.

- Response by houseworkmakesyaugly, A Married Girl, Female, 36-45

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it doesn't have to do with seeing you as an adult it has to do with caring and worrying about they re daughter. i mean wouldn't you be worried about your offspring going off by them self?

- Response by j3s5e, A Rebel, Male, 29-35, Los Angeles, Who Cares?

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Im not sure they dont. You are a lone female and if the area is unsafe for any reason you could be at risk for attack. I realize it could happen anywhere and I dont know anything about Viena but that could be their concern.

- Response by newnumbersguy32, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 36-45, Financial / Banking

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No matter how old you get, your parents are going to worry about your safety and well being. They want you to be happy though. Can you convince a friend to go along with you, to put your parents' minds at ease?

- Response by 1junebug, A Cool Mom, Female, 36-45

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They are your parents they will always worry about you adult or not.

- Response by psychoticbabe1, A Thinker, Female, 26-28, Other Profession

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You can't. You will alway be their child. be thankful you have loving parents.

- Response by guy5432, A Mr. Married Guy, Male, 36-45, New York, Who Cares?

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Your parents' concern for your safety has nothing to do with them respecting you as an "adult". They'd feel the same way if you were 40!!!

Be happy that you have concerned parents .. not everyone is that lucky.

- Response by mrscleaver16, A Married Girl, Female, 66 or older

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By not telling them "nothing's going to happen....." only kids, and adults who have more want then common sense would say that....there is a euro incident happening often enough of a terrorist nature, and also airplane bomb threats, where, you parents are wanting you to finally come back home, and were seizing this opportunity.....ask any parent

- Response by epiphanomaly, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 56-65, Philadelphia, Self-Employed

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Watch the movie "Taken" and you'll see why they worry.

- Response by catscratch, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Executive

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One of the reasons your parents don't want you going alone is because there is a 'danger' of you being kidnapped or attacked or something if you were to go alone...you want them to see you as an adult? Then find a friend or even a family member to go with you and not only will the parents see you as an adult, but as a responsible one...:)

- Response by fastball, A Cool Mom, Female, 36-45, Edmonton, Self-Employed

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Grow up and act adult

- Response by duggers, A Guy Critical, Male, 66 or older

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