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Is he just using me
Dating / 4:01 PM - Monday November 29, 2010

Is he just using me

Been seeing a guy for 8 months. It's becoming to a point where we only meet up for causal encounters a few dates here and there, but the relationship is mostly a physical thing. My question is how long can I continue doing this for, at one point I would want a relationship? I have strong feeling for him and he knows of this. I'm not sure if that is something he wants. We talked about it once in the past, but he said I was intimating. I know he thinks I'm extremely hot could that be the intimating part that makes him not want to move forward? Or could it be he wants to have his cake and eat it too?

- Asked by Female, 29-35

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Does he want an actual relationship?? Sounds like he just wants sex.

- Response by roaminginsomniac, An Alternative Girl, Female, 46-55, Law Enforcement

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So stop having sex with him then. Did you mean intimidating? That's BS. I usually have the talk after a month or two.

- Response by llafsroh, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 46-55, Boston, Science / Engineering

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I think he wants to be with you, but also likes his freedom. Maybe you should just tell him he can't have it both ways.

- Response by betterbird, A Creative, Male, 46-55, San Francisco, Administrative

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he obviously does not want more. try not being so available and see what he does. if a man wants more from you, he will make it known. so if you aren't ok with the way things are, you will have to say something and end it. don't be with him if it doesn't work for you. but you have done this for so long and you aren't happy with it, why do you keep it going??

- Response by fondacox, A Trendsetter, Female, 36-45

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sounds like he already has and eats his cake........ but then again whats the use of cake if you can eat it?

- Response by boxer1, A Guy Critical, Male, 46-55, Self-Employed

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I believe he said intimidating. If he said intimating...then I would be having a WTF moment...because that makes no sense whatsover. It would just further confirm his bullshit. But since you have feelings for him I would suggest that you only meet him out for a great long while. Meet him AT the the the club....and at the box office of the concert. Don't answer the door if he shows up unannounced especially late at night. Don't take his booty calls. Only accept meeting him out for legitimate dates. And if he doesn't comply with that...then give him the heave ho. It will be a sign that you are just a piece of ass to him....a piece of ass he keeps hooked with lines like "you intimidate me". Don't buy that one.

- Response by joybird, A Creative, Female, Who Cares?, Therapist

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He will have no motivation to move your relationship to the next level as long as he is getting everything he needs from it at current level. Keep giving him ass and he will never propose.

- Response by int24h, A Career Man, Male, 36-45, Alternative Medicine

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yup what everyone said here. He's not serious about you, he just wants sex from you. Sounds like you don't want this so say goodbye, sister.

- Response by girlpower08, A Sportif, Female, 36-45

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8 months is long enough for him to know what he wants. He doesn't want the committed relationship or labels, so he's using you for his good time girl. He can only get away with it for as long as you allow, or else he would be officially together with you or he'd be kicked to the curb. Right now he is having his cake and eating it too. You make it too easy for him to want anything more. Him saying your "intimating" (intimidating or whatever) is just his excuse and a stall tactic.

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 36-45

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What would "Forward" look like? That would shed light on what it is that you're missing. How long can you continue? Well, that's up to you.

I don't agree with the "Using" argument. Both of you are there and both involved in the sex, so how is it that HE'S using YOU?

- Response by alecsmart1, A Guy Critical, Male, 46-55, Celebrity

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I will be the 6th man out of 9 answering this post so far that say ou are being used...and he is definitely using you.

Remember charm = bullshit.

He isusing talk to keep you for sex, and his actions are null and void.

- Response by buffer, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 56-65, Los Angeles, Retired

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Both people should be at the same point in life and want it in a relationship to form a serious one. Maybe you are ready and at a point where you want a serious one, and he is not. If you were not ready, you wouldn't care right? So, ask him straight, or make him ready by telling him what you want. If he can't get on board and you don't want just sleeping together, look for someone else who is ready and wants a serious relationship and give this one a boot. That way you don't waste your time on someone who won't come around. It's your call.

- Response by A Guy Critical, Male, 36-45

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Everyone on here is right. He's just using you. I'd give him the boot rather than continue to be his booty call.

- Response by experience101, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Who Cares?

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Why would he buy the cow if he can get the milk for free? If he really cared about you, he'd have no problem with a relationship with you. Hate to say it.....You're getting played! It's best to drop him to save yourself from a lot of unnecessary heartache. Also, never make someone your priority when you're just their option!

- Response by psychologued, A Guy Critical, Male, 29-35

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I really appreciate it when the people that post the question answers their own question. You already know what's going on her. NEITHER OF YOU are committed to this becoming anything more than what it is. It's sex, just sex. Nothing more, nothing less. Now, can you unring a bell? I'm not sure how that really works. You cannot ask him to feel something that he hasn't felt before. As a man, I guess I could get used to a person and then make them my girlfriend later on. It hasn't happened to me, but I guess I could make a f*@k buddy my girlfriend. Do yourself a favor and just find another guy who appreciates the dance of a relationship. It's a whole lot different than a "casual encounter".

- Response by rhunt0210, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 46-55, Other Profession

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If you want something else, you are with the wrong man.

Changing the nature a relationship from more physical to less physical after a few weeks, is possible; after a few months is challenging, after EIGHT MONTHS ?! No way.

Hopefully it was enjoyable, but you should take this as a lesson learned and move on. He's gotten all he should from you - what more do you really have to give - and if he wanted more, he would have said so long ago.


- Response by A Career Man, Male, 46-55

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Hey, i'm afraid I am in a similar predicament. I have asked a question but so far people are just telling me to walk away and say he is using me.
I too have been with this guy 8 months and he told me he didnt think it was working. when i accepted that he then got in touch saying he was missing me and didnt want to lose me out of his life, he just didnt want a 'serious' relationship.
I don't believe this guy is just using me for sex. we go on a lot of dates, i'm close to his family and we don't have sex everytime we spend the night together sometimes we just cuddle.

I don't want to lose him either but I do think I want more from a relationship than he does. I don't feel comfortable just accepting that my relationship isn't going anywhere and that he will probably never tell me that he loves me. I guess what you really need to be asking yourself what you want and if you honestly think it's likely to happen with him. If not get out before you get too attached or accept that it's never going to be that sort of relationship between the two of you. Maybe carry on seeing him if you enjoy his company but keep an open mind to new possibilities with other men. If you do meet someone, go for it, don't feel bad, he didnt feel bad when he told you he doesnt want a loving relationship with you.

- Response by A Trendsetter, Female, 29-35, Hospitality

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To be totally honest, you have to somehow bring up where he sees the relationship going and do it in a casual way where he doesn't feel threatened or intimidated...maybe ask him if he's ever thought of 'defining' your relationship so you know whether it's okay to date other people or doing this, you will not only get the answers you want, but you will know if he's just using you or not...let him know that you enjoy being with him, spending time with him but you want to know where things stand because if you're just 'casually' dating, then maybe you need to find someone who will be more willing to be in a relationship...the longer you 'wait' for him to bring it up, the more likely he's going to think that it's 'okay' to keep going on like you have been and you will keep on feeling like you're in limbo...tell him that you need to know what the status of your relationship is because if he's not looking to settle down with you, then you need to move on and find what you need...:)

- Response by fastball, A Cool Mom, Female, 36-45, Edmonton, Self-Employed

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Sounds like your using him because he lets you. More skewed thinking by another type A woman

- Response by A Rebel, Male, 46-55, Denver

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