Thank you for your many years of support. We want to share the news with you that after much consideration, will cease operations in its present format on October 15th. We appreciate your meaningful contributions over the years.
Back to Active Questions

Active Questions

Is it better to have no friends or a controlling manipulative friend?
Friendship / 4:35 AM - Sunday November 21, 2010

Is it better to have no friends or a controlling manipulative friend?

I'm thinking of cutting a longtime friend out of my life because I can't stand how she is so controlling, but if i do this i'm risking facing lonliness and having no friends. Just wondering what you think is worse?

- Asked by Female, 22-25

Read more about the Rating System

I think a controlling manipulative friend is worse than no friends. With a controlling manipulative friend you can't do what you want or go out and make some new friends, without her you are free to do what you want you can go out and make new friends.

Take a class in something you are interested in to meet like minded people. Or just join a club for one of your hobbys or something you always wanted to try. That way if you feel you don't know what to talk about around new people you can always talk about the hobby or class.

- Response by psychoticbabe1, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Other Profession

Rating Received:

Community Rating: Community Star

NO friend is ever perfect, just as NO person is perfect.

So, just like when you get married, you are accepting the good with the bad. With each personal interaction, you will get a different list of the good and the bad. But, all people have a list.

So, since YOUR BAD LIST is clear, and she doesn't have anything at all, to accept FROM YOU, I guess you should dump her.

- Response by randyl, A Thinker, Female, Who Cares?, Technical

Rating Received:

What would be better .. being temporarily "lonely" until you find some new friends OR being unhappy all the time with this current friend?

You really can't be that desperate for a friend that you'll allow someone to treat you badly. That doesn't make any sense.

Go out and meet some new friends who you enjoy being around. This person isn't the last person in the world ...

- Response by mrscleaver16, A Married Girl, Female, 66 or older

Rating Received:

When you cut off with her you will have more time and energy to find new GOOD friends.Negative people just drag you down.

- Response by frenchkiss49, A Thinker, Female, 66 or older, Tampa, Who Cares?

Rating Received:

B etter no friends than a controller D

- Response by duggers, A Guy Critical, Male, 66 or older

Rating Received:

If that's the best you can do, then be alone. If it's that you just can't take a little constructive critisim, then leaving will not help. If she's the only friend you can find, then try a little soul searching, other than that expand your horzions, and get somemore friends.

- Response by 2jacksam, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 66 or older, Denver, Self-Employed

Rating Received:

Think of it this way: you cannot change her, but you can ALWAYS make NEW friends.

And she is your only friend?? Is it because she has controlled you from having any other??

Then take this opportunity to cleanse your life of her and get new friends who fulfill your life and support you without controlling or judging you.

A true friend does not hurt.

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 46-55

Rating Received:

you truely know in your heart the answer, and thats no friends because in truth your true friends will be there thru thick and thin and love you no matter what. i have a best friend whose seen me thru the real good and the real horrible and shes still here to this day, and thats a true friend but to find a true friend you have to be truely yourself

- Response by spices21, A Thinker, Female, 26-28, Military

Rating Received:

I choose FREEDOM!
"A guilded cage is still a cage."

Here is what will happen when you cut your bad "friend" off...
You will get stronger and better and healthier as a person, which in turn will attract healthier (real) friends into your life.
Good luck!
You can do this.

- Response by gettingstronger, A Cool Mom, Female, 46-55, Teaching

Rating Received:

You can do bad all by yourself. Nobody needs that kind of person.....they're not any kind of real friend.

- Response by king313, A Rebel, Male, 29-35, Detroit, Technical

Rating Received:

That's why you go out and make NEW friends. Some that aren't controlling and manipulative would be good too.

You don't need someone like that in your life, seriously.

Make some friends at school, ask for help with homework (or ask TO help), join a martial arts class, yoga, etc. Go out. Try a little.

You'll be much happier.

- Response by missbelle00, A Hippie Chick, Female, 26-28, Student

Rating Received:


At this age, it happens a LOT, as you both grow - in different directions - you will grow apart.

If you recognize that you are on two different tracks and make that decision consciously, then good for you. But either way, it's a natural result of diverging paths.

And as for this particular situation - better to drop a friend who will likely chase away your other friends anyway.

- Response by A Career Man, Male, 36-45

Rating Received:

Better not to have friends! I am a friend to myself, so I have me. =)

- Response by donau20, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 29-35, Artist / Musician / Writer

Rating Received:

Have u had a chat an mentioned that u find her controlling and manipulative. Has she always been this way?. . PPl continue to manipulate and deceive others if they allow the person to do so. True friends dont do this to there true friends. Obviously this deceitful person was not a true friend in the first place if this has been her personality all along..
Say something or just move on and get out there and meet many ppl. Your choice..
What is worse is if u choice not do anything about it..

- Response by berri, A Career Woman, Female, 46-55, New South Wales, Who Cares?

Rating Received:

If you can't stand your "friend" then odds are she would drive away the types of people you would want to be friends with. Spending all your time with her might be a big contributing factor to why you don't have other friends.

- Response by A Guy Critical, Male, 46-55, Technical

Rating Received:

Oh, God. Congratulations. The thing is that being lonely allows you to explore and search for people you actually like so that you wont be lonely. Have fun!

- Response by mlcoast2, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 22-25

Rating Received:

A few months ago I ended a friendship with a manipulative friend. Our friendship, like all her other relationships, was all about her controlling and manipulating,getting strong from my weaknesses, turning from hot to cold, being mean in a "nice" way,and almost never being honest about anything. After a few unsuccesful attempts(the manipulator does not let go easily) she finally got the message and left me alone. Months later, the only thing I regret is not ditching this person years ago. The more time goes by, the more angry i feel for not being strong enough earlier. To all those people out there in similar situations: Get that person out of your life, she is very very dangerous and she is destroying your personality and your future, she can open scars that don't go away that easily.

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 36-45, London, Fashion

Rating Received: