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Why my boyfriend of three years is so indecisive about marriage?
Dating / 7:59 AM - Sunday November 14, 2010

Why my boyfriend of three years is so indecisive about marriage?

I have spent almost three years with this guy that I truly love. In the beginning of the relationship, I felt as if I have met the guy of my dreams. he was caring, understanding and really similar to me. we weren't planning to get serious with each other at the start, but we somehow ended up wanting to few months later because our relationship seemed so good from every angle and that's when problems started appearing.

we are both from very religious and strict families, where we are still supposed to follow traditions. although, i consider myself as the rebel and do what I feel is right for me , he most often has trouble with bending the rules as he feels it would hurt his parents. a year ago, we broke up because I wanted to be married to him someday but he said he couldn't cause his family has already chosen a girl for him and he started dating someone else. 2 months later he came back to me saying he made a huge mistake and that this time around he wont let anything stop him from marrying me and he promised me he wont back out. I took him back because I really loved him regardless of what he's done and also because I believed him. Since then, we have had a relationship that's been mostly up and some downs.

Now, after 10 months he's again starting to say hes unsure if he wants to marry me and is very scared.I feel like a fool for believing him and giving him a second chance. I know that he loves me, but i feel like he cares more about himself than he ever does for me.also him being younger to me does make me concerned. I don't want to waste the rest of my life waiting for someone who would just keep me hanging on false hope, but i also don't want to let him go cause I believe hes the one for me, he's been my best friend and hes been there for me. I am just so torn apart and don't know which road to take ..

- Asked by Female, 29-35

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I would think every time your going to leave he strightens out and when it's time to walk the walk he changes his mind.I wouldn't waste any more time and emotion into something that won't work out.I doubtif he changes his mind on marrying you.

- Response by frenchkiss49, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Tampa, Who Cares?

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I wonder how much younger than you he is. Apparently, he is not of marrying age in his parent's minds so how much time is left before they expect him to marry someone else? You are not only asking him to marry someone not of their choice but to marry before his parents think he is of age.

There are men of every culture who find a woman to be of dating material but not marriage material and they are full of excuses. But assuming this is all about his parents, what will his losses be if he marries you? For instance, is he is a student who will lose financial support? Or will they never speak to him again? And what will your losses be when you go against your own families wishes?

I don't think making demands is ever a good idea for any couple. Finding solutions together is all that you can do. You can only make your own mind up about how much time you will give this relationship.

- Response by maryea, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, New York, Retired

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Are you expecting him to make you happy? It seems like that and I want to let you know if you are then you are putting o much pressure on this guy. That would turn any guy off. If you want to be happy it has to be from within yourself. You have to do some activities which you like to do. Also, hang out with your friends. So if this is the case change your behavior and do things that make you happy and then he would feel he wants to be with you because you are not pressuring him. Try it. See what happens and let me know what happens. :)

- Response by womanv, A Career Woman, Female, 36-45, New York, Self-Employed

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His parents and his beliefs are in the way again.

I hate giving ultimatums, but this is the time for one. Either you get married, and he tells his parents up front, or you're done. This back and forth crap needs to stop. It's one thing if he's just not ready to get married, but that's not the problem. FYI, his parents will always have control over your marriage. Consider that.

- Response by mrmoves, A Player, Male, 36-45, San Francisco, Self-Employed

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You deserve so much more than this manboy who is too chickenshit to tell you the truth. He doesn't want to marry you and probably never will. Move on sistah!

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Artist / Musician / Writer

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