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How do I get my husband to pay attention to me?
Married Life / 7:46 PM - Wednesday November 10, 2010

How do I get my husband to pay attention to me?

My husband comes home from work and wants to watch TV alone all night and go to bed late. He has problems such that he can't have sex at night and won't go to the Doctor. In the mornings, I leave for work before he does and he doesn't want to get up early to have sex either although mornings aren't a problem for him (higher testosterone levels I'm told). We usually have sex on a weekend morning if we don't have to be somewhere for our children, but if we do, we miss the weekend. I've said that this makes me unhappy and he gets a little better for a while and then goes back to old behavior. I have men at work who would think they won the lottery if I would consider sleeping with them and yet my husband ignores me. I don't believe my husband is cheating on me as he is always around, there are no signs at all of it, and he does kiss me and tell me he loves me often for a few minutes here and there on breaks from his tv watching. I don't want to cheat and I don't want a divorce, but I don't know what to do.

- Asked by Female, 36-45

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Take a big hammer and destroy the stupid television and, while holding the hammer yell, "DO me!"...if THAT doesn't work, poison him.

- Response by stillagoodguy1, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 46-55, Celebrity

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check out the adult toy store. Maybe it would spice things up. Really this is not to be crude or anything, but you might be surprised what some warming oil that tastes good could do...

- Response by morista, A Creative, Female, 46-55, Managerial

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It may be time for family counseling.

Is he in bad physical condition? I can understand, if he has a stressful job, BTW, being too tired when he comes home, but watching TV actually drains more energy. Taking a brisk walk or having a workout, ironically, can often give someone more energy.

If your husband is in bad physical shape or out of condition, that might be part of the problem.

You may want to ask him if you could schedule a weekend away, just the two of you - maybe your parents could watch the kids for a weekend, or they could do a slumber party at a friend's house?

I would also consider a marriage counselor. You need to address this issue NOW before you are seriously tempted to cheat or the marriage just gets worse.

- Response by curvysmartgirl, A Creative, Female, 36-45, Dallas, Artist / Musician / Writer

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talk, talk , talk, you must tell him how you feel unloved.

- Response by A Player, Female, Who Cares?

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while he is at work, turn off the main power, or breakthe sound on the tv. then talk- tell him how you feel. the only answer is to get the tv off.

- Response by A Career Man, Male, Who Cares?, Who Cares?

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It's hard when he comes home from work and is tired and stressed and just wants to unwind. How about having a date night either on the weekend or Friday night, get a relative or babysitter to watch the kids. He needs to unwind and tell him how you feel. I know for the longest time I felt that my man is always too busy with watching sports etc etc. work is his priority, then sports, then church, the kids and me. He is trying to work on it.

- Response by hulagirl55, A Sportif, Female, Who Cares?, Who Cares?

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Family life is difficult and habits are hard to break. I'm sure your husband loves you dearly...... If it's his testosterone levels you're worried about, maybe you need to join a gym together :D That too can be tricky when you've got kids...

I suppose You've got to communicate and be creative!!

- Response by hands, A Creative, Male, 46-55, Hong Kong, Who Cares?

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Those men who would jump at the chance to have sex with you haven't had to live with you. When you find a man that can live with you without his sex drive tanking then I'll consider the problem might not be you.

- Response by A Guy Critical, Male, 46-55, Technical

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Have you tried talking to him? it's very obvious by your post that there is somethign going, possibly depression, which is why he shows no interest in sex and just want to watch tv and 'escape'. I would definitlely find out what's gonig on with him mentally. a midlife crisis? has something major happened? everyday stresses/worries?

- Response by ebm3, A Trendsetter, Female, 36-45, Self-Employed

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WOW joybird's answer was ridiculous. be more demanding and Me ME ME and that will solve the problem! your husband's got something on his mind and you should add to it! demand more of him!!! jeez. in any case, like I said before, there obviously IS a problem and you have to figure out what that is and try to work it out. don't become more demanding, that will jsut make the problem worse!

- Response by ebm3, A Trendsetter, Female, 36-45, Self-Employed

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I think that sounds incredibly lonely and hard for you. i would just always look my best around him, work out, go to the gym in leotards and let him see you leave the house. Does he get jealous? If not then you have a problem with him and this sounds horribly unloving. I would consider moving on rather than being trapped in a loveless marriage.

- Response by zzzbeauty, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Dublin, Self-Employed

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