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Why do I feel so bad about myself?
Dating / 2:33 PM - Wednesday October 27, 2010

Why do I feel so bad about myself?

I told this guy how vulnerable I was, going through a rough time, thought it would be better to not get involved with one another at this time and that I didn't want a booty call relationship. I explained everything to him thoroughly and even broke up with him. He decided to ignore all of this and pursue me again and I fell for it. Now I feel really bad about myself because I feel like I just disrespected myself, went against everything that I had told him-well not really, I did warn him that I had problems.

Well, anyway, should I lay the blame where it belongs? Meaning on him as well? Because I sure as heck feel that he is responsible too. Actually reminds me of one of my exes. He was so possessive and wouldn't take no for an answer..tried breaking up with so many times and never succeeded until the fourth. I literally got away from him and that was the only way for me. (It was such a big disappointment to have spent all that time with this one person, trying to solve things in the relationship and yet this did nothing to change the situation).

Update: October 27, 2010.
It seems that a lot of you have not read clearly that I wrote lay the blame on him as well, not just myself. Seems to me like you are being a little too harsh on me now. I think I explained that I got the point. Now stop.

Update: October 27, 2010.
You're right. I'm starting to realize through your messages that I have to do something about the situation and I obviously failed at taking the situation in my own hands. I already told him again how I feel about it and reiterated the same points anyway. I had no idea I was in the wrong.

- Asked by Female, 36-45

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Well, psychologically, we are drawn to the same "type" whether it seems like it or not at the time. It's a little later you see that you bought the same bag of worms after all.

- Response by pushkins, A Thinker, Female, 66 or older, Miami, Who Cares?

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I think the blame is on you.
If you were 100% serious about your decision not to be in a relationship, you wouldn't be in one, no matter how much he pursued you.

To say he is partially to blame, then consider this ... if he cheats on you, I suppose you would say the other woman is partially to blame, even though HE is the one dating you and HE is the one who cheated; whereas, the other woman simply pursued a guy she was interested in - your guy.
But then, a lot of girls think this way, so I suppose it's just a valid difference of opinion.

- Response by andrewj5267, A Guy Critical, Male, 36-45, Miami, Teaching

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Community Rating: Community Star

No, he doesn't deserve part of the blame. Do you know how hard it is for guys to try and sort through all the nonsense "playing hard to get" games that girls try to play? I don't chase anyone that plays those games anymore. Or any games really.

You knew his end goal. It was to start dating you. You warned him that you had problems. Apparently those weren't that big of a deal for him because he kept pursuing you. You gave in. How is that his fault? You knew what he wanted, and if you were absolutely serious you would have stopped answering his calls/text messages.

If a guy says he wants to date you, and you say "no, I just want to be friends," he still wants to date you.

Imagine you get one of those scam emails claiming to be from the prince of some country smuggling out millions of dollars and he needs your help, blah, blah, blah. So you send him an email back saying "sorry, I really don't want to be ripped off right now." Later on he sends another email, so you give him all your personal information. Whose fault is it that your identity gets stolen?

- Response by stewart2016, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 29-35, Salt Lake City, Student

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It seems that more women than men set themselves up for these types of situations, and then spin their brain cells into a tornado trying to "figure out" what went wrong.

It's really not about "where the BLAME belongs," but about taking the time and personal responsibility to step back and to look at the situation as a whole, and to then honestly ask yourself, "What part did I play in this situation?"

When we can see ourselves and our choices, down to what we said and how we said it, and WHY we said and did what we said and did, then we can see better to ask ourselves, "What could I have done or said different??" "What is it about ME that I chose to put myself into this situation?" "Can I learn anything from this?" "What if I had not done this? or what if I had said that?" These are examples of what I call, 'The first step in growing past unproductive and unhealthy choices of behavior.'

It is your responsibility to take care of YOU. Looking outside yourself at someones else's choices, and what THEY did, or said is not going to fix YOU.

We all need to grow, and no one can grow into all that they can be when they can't get past the lessons in life that they aren't learning.

Good luck!!!

- Response by husband, A Career Man, Male, 36-45, Transportation

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so because the man liked what he saw both visually and otherwise, pursued you and because of YOUR weakness, lack of strength and discipline... HE is to blame?? Wtf!

More typical "women blaming men for a woman's problems and mistakes" once again.

Be GLAD that someone was willing to accept you the way that you are. Then women wonder why men don't want to get into relationships anymore or get married, most women are just a complete mental and emotional train wreck happening on a daily basis.

- Response by richsifu, A Rebel, Male, 46-55, Science / Engineering

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