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Why do people try so hard to justify cheating?
Sex & Intimacy / 12:39 PM - Saturday October 23, 2010

Why do people try so hard to justify cheating?

I find this appalling on so many levels. First off, given that India gave us the Kama Sutra as well as some amazingly X-rated temple art and China and Japan gave us sex manuals that make the Kama Sutra look tame, I can't believe "my wife is Asian" can be an excuse for cheating.

Second, he says since many people cheat, it's OK. It's like, if 90% of the people cheated or lied or stole - does that make it OK? Once upon a time lots of people owned slaves. did that make it OK?

I think it takes a lot more maturity to be self-disciplined than to find an excuse to cheat. And I also think, if a guy can't help a woman find sexual pleasure, there may be something wrong with him as a lover.

I mean, we are all designed for enjoying sex. It's even in the Bible, where it is made pretty clear in the OT that both men and women should enjoy sex in their marriage. God created us with the capacity for enjoying sex.

Now, if he really is a superb lover and his wife really is, for whatever reason, incapable of not enjoying sex - I suggested to him he try an open marriage. Don't sneak around behind her back but get her buy-in to let him get this need met elsewhere. If she really hates sex that much, she might be relieved and OK with this, as long as it's a purely sexual thing and not an emotional relationship. while an open marriage is totally not my cup of tea, I have known people who have done it and made it work...

at any rate... I find it ironic that he blames A'ology members for us not supporting his betrayal of his wife....

- Asked by curvysmartgirl, A Creative, Female, 46-55, Dallas, Artist / Musician / Writer

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It's a validation nation.

- Response by llafsroh, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 46-55, Boston, Science / Engineering

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"My wife is an asian (and hence does not enjoy sex)" rofl.

A recent study has shown that higher the skin pigmentation, the higher the sex drive, in general. Some exceptions are there, of course. Shame I can't find the paper right now.

The most outrageous adult movies are produced in Japan. And what about population increase at the exploding rate in South asia and previously in China.

The guy is looking for an excuse, but he can improve on it hell lot better.

- Response by vacuum, A Career Man, Male, 36-45, Science / Engineering

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I could agree more.
He then has the balls to say we aren't up for an honest talk. Ha! Idiot! he wasn't up for us being honest with him. He didn't want to hear "don't cheat", he wanted us all to be okay with his lousy excuses so he felt okay about cheating.
What a Jerk!
I wish there was a magical way to forward his shit on to his unsuspecting wife. Bet she'd set him straight.

- Response by roaminginsomniac, An Alternative Girl, Female, 46-55, Law Enforcement

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Start Swinging !!!,,At least you can Bang other chicks, and maybe it'll loosen her up, and have her hook up and have a Hot time too..Then afterwords, when you get Can Bang her again, with all the Hot Memories of your Swing Experience.

- Response by hedo2nj, A Player, Male, 36-45, Other Profession

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Could he really think that intellectualizing his behavior could make him rise above the low level dime a dozen scum bag that he is?

- Response by maryea, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Retired

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I haven't read either of the entire posts, so forgive me if I miss some points here - but I wanted to give my general opinion.

From what I did read, I think you are right. He it does look like he is trying to justify cheating. A lot of people do that, actually.

To put a point out there, though... not saying that he is right because I believe that his thinking on this goes WAY too far, but...

If you are married - why don't people deserve to get a partnership from their spouse?

This is where marriage becomes viewed as a 'prison,' instead of a nice, stable, enjoyable way of life.

You have to have a good balance. Any extreme of thinking will throw off what marriage is supposed to be.

I believe this is why people have so much resentment about marriage. It's really ashame that it has to be so complicated.

Just my opinion. =-)

- Response by cutypy5840, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Medical / Dental

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I agree, create an Open Marriage.
i am in a happy open marriage, but NOT because we don't satisfy each other. It's because I am naturally very slutty and like to explore different races of men and cock sizes!

I feel it is not naturally programmed in me to be monogamous. If I FORCE myself to be monogamous, I get horribly depressed, feel deprived and controlled. This has happened consistently in THREE long relationships.
I am now married.

- Response by discotrash, A Career Woman, Female, 29-35, Las Vegas, Other Profession

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I have never french kissed my own wife. Ever.

I do not have sexual relations with my wife.

My wife is not orgasmic. We have tried everything over these past 6 years trust me.

Besides this thought I love her forever and she's my best friend and wife. I couldn't imagine life without her! The only thing I have ever hidden from my wife are these very posts and the thoughts of wanting to stray.

Now for people to think that there are others that are not in the exact same situation is shows lack of life experience. I suggest they look up stats on infidelity. What I'm trying to say is, since reaching my mid 30's, NOW I finally understand why.

Ask any couple at 40 years old the last time they french kissed their spouse and I bet they couldn't tell you. This is called real life. It's mutual between parters. They have grown into a non sexual relationship.

Actually, I never had intercourse before marriage, and here it was 6 months after walking down the isle and she was still a virgin.

And people think it's crazy for me to want to have sexual relations with other women? Why do you think people like myself, Bill Clinton, and 40% of married couples want to cheat?

- Response by A Career Man, Male, 36-45

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I wouldn't cheat on her; I'd cheat "with" her. Take her to a nude resort (frequented by swingers) and see what happens. The only problem is she may end up liking it too much.

- Response by usmc85, A Rebel, Male, 36-45, Other Profession

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