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Active Questions

I'm having an affair and I don't know how to end this cycle of deception.
Sex & Intimacy / 1:22 PM - Thursday October 07, 2010

I'm having an affair and I don't know how to end this cycle of deception.

The flirting has been going on in the office for about 2 years, but its not until 4 months ago that things starting to take a turn. Both he and I are married and each have kids.

We work in the same office,We innocently started going to lunch together, then began emailing eachother all day at work, then started talking the entire way home on the phone, that led to amazing sex. We told eachother from the start that we were just "having fun" and that we could not let emotions and feelings get involved. It wasn't that easy, we both now have feelings for eachother, considering we have such a strong friendship.

I'm going nuts...I am married and I can't even look at myself in the mirror. I tell myself daily that I am going to end the affair, I get to work and end it...then a day goes back and we run into each other in the hall way and realize that we are so attracted to eachother.(this has happened 3 times)

I don't want him to leave his wife for me...and I know that I would never leave my husband, but I cant get him out of my head. He is so amazing...what do I do??

- Asked by bosstars, A Trendsetter, Female, 29-35, Los Angeles, Construction

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You have to be strong to end it! No good will come of your affair. I have been in your position before and everyone gets hurt. If you continue, you wind up falling in love... and your heart and mind will ache. It starts out as fun, he fulfills your needs, you laugh, you bond and fall in love. I was in an affair for three years.

- Response by jumpin4u, A Life of the Party, Female, 46-55, Executive

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Get a new job and lose his number.

- Response by newnumbersguy32, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 36-45, Financial / Banking

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Community Rating: Community Star

first of all you realize the grass in not greener on the other side, he only seems "amazing" but you are not the one having to clean the skid marks off of his tighty whities, or pick up his nasty socks off of the floor, etc. my point is he seems better than hubby because someone else is doing that shit for him, you only get the good stuff.

- Response by beanielou, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Who Cares?

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You know what the right thing to do is. You've already tried it three times. I think it's worth trying again and again. Because the alternative is to keep seeing him. If it helps, think of the consequences. There are loads of different possible outcomes. The absolute best is that you both decide simultaneously that it's real love and time to leave your partners. Both partners have simultaneously decided that they've found someone new so the divorces sail through, you all put your assets and possesions in a big pile and take one sixth each. Your children are so well adjusted that they take this in their stride and wonder why all marriages don't end this way.
This is not a likely outcome.
Or: You eventually work out that the sex is not as much fun as it used to be, the deception is getting very tiresome and, to be honest, your illicit friend is not quite as great as you once thought. If you can reach this stage simultaneously, give yourselves gold stars. If not, someone is going to be left missing and longing for the other. It's a sort of dull ache that in my experience, takes about 2 years to fade and even now, sometimes leaps out of the shadows at me.
I guess you've thought about what happens if you get caught. Just remember that although getting caught only happens to other people, to me, you're other people.
You know what to do. It's going to be difficult and will hurt. You're in a lose-lose situation. So go somewhere that betting is legal (England's very nice at this time of year), present your possible outcomes to the bookmaker and pick which set of odds appeals the most. Stick your shirt on it. Everything you've got. Including your heart.
Or maybe you could tell your husband that you think your marriage is a little stale and that you've been tempted.
Then HE'LL take the bet.
Good luck!

- Response by 1jealousguy, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 56-65, London, Artist / Musician / Writer

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You have to put your feelings under wraps for the sake of all who will end up getting hurt in the end. We all have people in our life who we will become attracted to but the difference between us and animals is ....a conscience.

- Response by englishrose4945, A Life of the Party, Female, 66 or older, Miami, Alternative Medicine

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Play with fire and get burnt. Flirting for 2 years was bound to end up in an affair. You may not have to leave your husband as affairs usually can't be hidden for long...he may leave you. I have no sympathy for cheaters but I do feel sorry for both your partners and children. Clean up your act and end it. Rosey

- Response by roseytalks, A Thinker, Female, Who Cares?, Tampa, Who Cares?

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