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Active Questions

Why dont guys ask ladies out anymore?
Dating / 3:42 PM - Wednesday October 06, 2010

Why dont guys ask ladies out anymore?

Hard to find a decent guy walk up to a lady and actually ask her out for a drink or dinner.

- Asked by oliviao, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Calgary, Student

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You need to find a man and stop dealing with boys.

- Response by newnumbersguy32, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 36-45, Financial / Banking

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Too many slaps in the faces makes us want to play on our xbox instead

- Response by eemo, A Mr. Married Guy, Male, 29-35, Who Cares?

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Some of the reason might be money is tight.Other reasons is now that women are asking men out and that puts them in the posssition to wait for us to ask and pay.

- Response by frenchkiss49, A Thinker, Female, 66 or older, Tampa, Who Cares?

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Well, for one, he's likely to get accused of "harassment" and lose his job or get arrested if she doesn't want to be asked. Many men aren't willing to take that chance, or at least not twice.

And for another reason, have you really looked at the average female available today? Do you really think a man wants to pay to take her out?

- Response by greenwind, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 56-65, Construction

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Many reasons -it's our new & improved "progressive" culture we live in! :|

1) They don't want to go through with the courting *ritual* anymore because then that might lead to that dreaded M word (marriage). Don't want that, now do we! Especially when the new trend is that "women don't NEED a man to raise a kid!"

2) Women are far more stuck up and bitchy these days and the thought of being rejected by bitch just makes their skin crawl.

3) Dates cost money -and they just don't want to put money down on someone that might not work out anyway.

4) They just want the sex without the dating.

5) None catch their interest

6) Some have no backbone o

7) Tired of rejection

- Response by jillopo, An Alternative Girl, Female, 29-35

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I haven't met any genuine ladies in quite a while.

Many men who attempt the approach you describe quickly learn catch-phrases like "I have a boyfriend" and "Let's Just Be Friends".
Most of today's men have no idea how to make this approach. They're the ones that come to mind when we hear this, from the movie "Fight Club": "We're a generation of men who were raised by WOMEN."

- Response by chesterdad, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 66 or older, San Francisco

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Guys have to play the odds. "What are my chances..." Nobody likes to be rejected. Some women play a sort of nasty game with men, setting them up to be rejected. And some women will say yes, then later say no. Again, they are game playing.

- Response by betterbird, A Creative, Male, 46-55, San Francisco, Administrative

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in this room yes

- Response by bigdaddy1, A Mr. Married Guy, Male, 46-55, Financial / Banking

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We do when we find them. When you get to be around my age good women, like good men, are hard to find.

- Response by bookman, A Guy Critical, Male, 56-65, Who Cares?

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too many want to use a man for meals/drinks/entertasin ment. players is what they are.

- Response by A Career Man, Male, 46-55, New York, Who Cares?

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This is a good question. I think based on the responses you can sort of see the dilemma that many men are in. I think most guys take the approach of getting a womans phone number and then talk to her a couple of times and then ask her out.
There appear to be two problems. There are guys who are not gentlemen and gals who are not ladies. Granted, there is a chance that the guy will get shot down and no one likes to be rejected.
Let's say a guy approaches a woman and asks her out. Now if she has a boyfriend, is attached somehow, or is not interested it would be nice if she could reject him as nice as possible. This is the thing I don't see happening too often. She could say something like you seem like a nice guy, but unfortanetly, I'm involved.
The other part of this equation is that guys have to learn how to read women's signals. Quite often women send out signals that they are interested. It could be a smile, a long glance etc. Those are typically approachable women. The down side of that is that some women just enjoy flirting and are involved so proceed carefully.

- Response by rjack90, A Career Man, Male, 36-45, Science / Engineering

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Because every time a guy walks up to girl and she doesn't know him, she get's defensive and put's up an invisible wall. All of a sudden, I'm considered to be a player and all I want is sex. OK, some guys are players, but not every guy is. It takes a real confident guy to break this wall.
The thing is, some guys can go out, ask out dozens of girls, getting rejected everytime and they still wouldn't care. But in reality, most guys do care. A couple of rejections is enough to reconsider the next time. Especially if she was cruel in it and some girls take satisfaction out of this.
Every girl I've dated, I've met through mutual friends, at work or through hobbies.

- Response by maarten, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 29-35, Antwerp, Transportation

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because they be "broke"

- Response by osieboo, A Thinker, Female, 56-65

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Because toooooo many times, women act like men aren't worthy to breathe the same air as them. Last I checked, we all put our pants on one leg at a time. Then proceed to dehumanize you just for kicks, cutting you off at the knees, when a simple "thanks, but no.." would do just as well.

- Response by manny, A Guy Critical, Male, 36-45, Technical

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I ask women out all the time, and I've been rejected countless times. How else are you supposed to get a woman's attention? I'm no good at picking up women at bars.

One reason is that we may be afraid of getting rejected. The feminist movement, along with Sex and the City and other pop culture garbage that people take too seriously has taught an entire generation of women that the world revolves around them and that it's OK to treat men like shit.

A lot of girls also take it WAY too seiously. I once asked a girl from a class if she wanted to go to a hockey game. She said yes, and then three days later, AFTER I had bought the tickets, she backed out because she didn't feel comfortable telling me she had a boyfriend. Well, an invite to a hockey game is not a marriage proposal!

Sometimes the girl doesn't call you back at all, which is downright rude. In high school, I asked a girl to prom, and she said she was busy that night, then went with someone else. In college, someone turned me down for a dinner date because she didn't "think we're compatable". When you have luck like that, eventually your confidence will start to wither, even if you maintain a positive attitude.

But I still ask girls out. And I asked someone out a few weeks ago whom I reconnected with after a few years, and we have our fourth date tomorrow. So eventually things can work out.

My advice to you is that if there's a guy you like, try asking him out, even if its something simple. He will probably be flattered.

- Response by jophus, A Rebel, Male, 29-35, Artist / Musician / Writer

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I think maybe some guys are just afraid of rejection. Also since women just throw themselves at men nowadays they probably don't feel the need to do so.

- Response by bfly36, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Other Profession

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I have done it and have ended up on both sides of the fence. The thing that's difficult is that usually the lady that you want to ask out typically is person you either go to school with, work with, shop at the same grocery store as and if it doesn't work out it makes things awkward in your environment, people change patterns. It's worth it sometimes, but it comes down to whether how well things are going for you in your routine, work, class etc. If things are great you're not going to want to screw it up...especially a job, or a class(required class) etc.

- Response by butch007, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 29-35, Philadelphia, Artist / Musician / Writer

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I Am nice looking, good principles but have been rejected five times in the village where I live so I dont bother anymore,

- Response by A Guy Critical, Male, 66 or older

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In keeping with our modern times, I have NEVER approached a woman.If she is so interested, then she will approach me, and I will then know that she really is interested.

- Response by davelore, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 26-28, Philadelphia, Managerial

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since there are so many of you low life women out there now, that think you are all that, why would we. there are just too many women that have such an ATTITUDE PROBLEM nowadays, and are so very difficult to start a normal conversation with. and yet they will go out with the ugliest guys that i ever seen in my life, and look for men ugly or not that have a lot of money.

- Response by A Guy Critical, Male, 56-65

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- Response by A Guy Critical, Male, 56-65

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What are you talking about. I have guys still ask me out. That is how my current boyfriend did. If a guy really likes a girl he will go for it. I don't know who you surround yourself but, Guys still do that.

- Response by womanv, A Career Woman, Female, 36-45, New York, Self-Employed

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I would have to agree with Jill on this one. She has essentially said it all.

- Response by jmichaelre, A Father Figure, Male, 29-35, Columbus, Other Profession

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True that asking a woman out can be intimidating and rejection can sting pretty badly....but! I think a real man accepts this and knows that this comes with the territory. I think a lot of it has to do with the mentality of today's man..he can take the easy way out and play the victim, play the equality card or be plain old lazy and miss out. I still believe in gentlemen and still believe that a man should ask a lady out if he's interested. I wish more men would realize what sexy qualities these are, for their own benefit.

- Response by A Trendsetter, Female, 29-35, Administrative

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Seriously? Maybe guys have given up because when they have tried this or tried to be a polite gentleman, the woman always brushes him off because she thinks he's trying to bed her. This is what confuses us guys so much. Ladies like you want us to do this, but the other ladies I described find us doing this disrespectful.

- Response by lightningpilot101, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 26-28, Baltimore, Artist / Musician / Writer

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With facebook and all those other computer things it seems like people don't that anymore.

- Response by trapper, A Life of the Party, Male, 36-45, Philadelphia, Financial / Banking

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I kind of wondered the same thing... but I also think about how I would react if someone just came up to me and asked me out on a date. I would probably brush them off, because I would feel weird just going out with someone I didn't know at all. So really, I don't think it's a problem. If I'm not willing to take a chance on them, why should they take a chance on me?

- Response by maddy2552, An Alternative Girl, Female, 26-28, Other Profession

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I think you have your answer in the answers you got--just not the answer that the answerers would like you to believe; the answer that their idiotic assumptions shows to be the answer.

The majority of your answerers are blaming the fact that women think well of themselves and can function like human beings in society for the rejections they get. Think about it--if people ARE successful people in society, why would they settle for any loser who asks them out? The problem is NOT with women being "stuck up," the problem is with men having an overrated view of themselves--why should any loser be able to date any woman he wants? Why shouldn't women have standards? Men posing as women on sites like this, together with women who are so fugly they can't get a date and so hate women who can, pretend that women who have standards are "b**ches" and "ugly," whereas if they were really so bad to be around, men wouldn't want to take them out in the first place and wouldn't have to complain about being rejected by them in the first place. This sort of behavior shows the inadequacy on the part of people who haven't made it the way women have been allowed to make it in our society and who blame women they can't have or can't be for their failures.

So, why do loser men not want to ask women out? Because they want to date women way out of their league and they get the response they deserve. The fact that they have over-inflated egoes doesn't mean that women have to work to help them maintain the over inflated egoes. Life doesn't work that way.

Real men, who CAN date smart, attractive, successful women DO ask these women out all the time. The answers you got show the lower category of males' reaction to the fact that not everyone
is going to support their crazy, over-weening views of themselves, and the fact that some fugly women are angry that other women have things they don't have--like the ability to get dates and the ability to turn down dates they don't want.

When I was single, I got asked out quite a lot. Real men are out there. You just have to adjust your social crowd so that they know where to find you and you're not exposed to a bunch of insecure losers who know you probably wouldn't want to date them so they don't ask you out.

- Response by electragold21, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, New York, Teaching

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I tried this and the girls where like back off. I think I am decent guy.

- Response by twilightzone85, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 29-35, Milwaukee, Food Service

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My husband asked me out. Some guys have no interest in a relationship and some guys aren't interested in some girls.

- Response by A Hippie Chick, Female, 29-35

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The simple answer is: Its not worth the trouble.

- Response by An Intellectual Guy, Male, 36-45, Teaching

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