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Newlywed and husband doesn't initiate sex!
Sex & Intimacy / 8:59 AM - Wednesday October 06, 2010

Newlywed and husband doesn't initiate sex!

We dated for 4 years and got married last month. When we were dating, he was all over me until a few months before the wedding when he started to back off, and now, I get no sex unless I initiate it. I have gotten tired and resentful of being the one to do that. I have a very high sex drive, and work out and stay in shape. Other men hit on me, I am not an unattractive woman. I want to feel desired, and it makes me mad that my own husband doesn't find me desireable. I know that he jacks off to porn daily. I confronted him, he apologized, and it hasn't changed. I want to scream and throw a tantrum I'm so frustrated. Insight would be appreciated.

- Asked by mamasita, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Medical / Dental

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Let him know this isn't working for you and your needs aren't being met. Some men tend to believe that once they get married they are off duty for pleasing another person, could be the excitement is gone or the wife represents responsibility and not pleasurable fun sex. Believe it or not but even if you ask him he might not be able to give a straight answser...I had to basically pay for a translator as to what my husband meant when he would just say "i'm stressed." There are some things you can do though for both of you to get back to the passion and release yourselves from the responsibility/commitme nt a marriage represents. For example, be sure at your home there are no bills laying around (pay them as they come in or put them in a place where they aren't viewed), have appetizers out, candles lit, music playing things he likes and you like that make you feel relaxed, don't just where lounge clothes at home etc... created a soothing environment, have glasses of wine... have a great conversation... with NO pressure of sex act completely uninterested. Take showers together. Build up the sexual attraction and desire without ever making a move. Flirt with other guys... it will make you feel sexier and that projects in sexual energy. Ask to watch porn with him. Within no time he will be all over you, problem is you'll feel so sexy and think why in the hell am I putting up with this asshole who makes no effort for me?

- Response by A Hippie Chick, Female, 29-35

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"I want to scream and throw a tantrum"

Is that how you handle most of your problems?

Obviously there is more to the story. Like maybe he never wanted to be married.

Get some counseling or get a divorce.

- Response by llafsroh, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 46-55, Boston, Science / Engineering

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Community Rating: Community Star

i had the same thing happen when i got married..... i didn't handle it well.... my ex husband was really bad at sex and so it didn't take long for him to withdraw completely from wanting sex....but for us it wasn't that he didn't find me desirable it was that he knew he wasn't satisfying me so he just gave up....

- Response by coco, A Hippie Chick, Female, 46-55, Charlotte, Technical

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Have you tried talking to him about why he doesn't initiate sex anymore? Communication is very important, try talking to him about this outside the bedroom. If you can't get anywhere with that then maybe suggest counseling. It could just be a stage he is going through.

- Response by blindshe, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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get a divorce and see if the sex comes back if he wants you then just stay lovers

- Response by windyday, A Thinker, Female, 26-28, Who Cares?

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