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Active Questions

Why do women always reject the nice guys, but then complain about the assholes?
Dating / 2:49 PM - Monday October 04, 2010

Why do women always reject the nice guys, but then complain about the assholes?

Do they know what they really want?

- Asked by eemo, A Mr. Married Guy, Male, 29-35, Who Cares?

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haha... I love the responses... honestly its quite simple... nice guys are always too nice. It seems as if they loose a sense of self respect and pride and the worst part is that they don't care because they are "in love". I want a man that can take care of me, not one that I have to watch out to not step on their heart. They get all wimpy and crybabyish.. its ridiculous. Jerks on the other hand at least have respect and you can't make them or break them by a simple act or comment. So if the nice guys somehow retained their backbone Women would love them.

- Response by msglo, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Political / Government

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Yes, they know what the want, to catch an alpha male, "asshole" behavior being taken as an indirect indicator of present or future alpha status. The ideal is a guy who is Jerk (alpha male) in the beginning and a Nice Guy (catchable) in end, and a good part of what they complain about is how aplha males do not seem to have gotten the memo on this process is supposed to work, in the female world-view, also known as "Harlequin La-La Land". Men, to the extent they can get away with it, are going for quantity, not quality. We are just not playing their game. Contraception has created a situation where women as "mis-evolved" for the modern world, They are evolved for a world where marriage is mandatory, because men cannot get sex without it, and where therefore every alpha male is catchable, whether he wants to be or not. But women are now living in a world where alpha males no longer have to be catchable to get sex, and they are paying the price for it. Women tend to be creatures of emotion, with "follow the feeling" as their guide, and their feelings belong to a past age. So do not blame them too much. But at the same time realize that how strongly any given woman is attracted to "assholes" is also a very good inverse indicator of self-esteem and mental health. My wife, who is model of mental health (due to a relentlessly loving mother) has never been attrracted to "assholes". So just try to find one like that, and abandon the others to their fate. It is better to abandon them to their fate than share it, and those are the choices.

- Response by unluckyloveatfirstsighter, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 56-65, Artist / Musician / Writer

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Community Rating: Community Star

Definition: "asshole" --> a guy who rejected her

Many women want a hot manly guy who treats her like crap. Its in her DNA. Then he rejects her, move on to the next hot babe, and suddenly, "he's an asshole."

- Response by greenwind, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 56-65, Construction

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Because men seem to confuse the term "nice guy" with "door mat." They are NOT synonymous. Nice guys are great. Door mats...not so much.

- Response by justpassingthru, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Financial / Banking

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There is only one Javier Bardem...too bad we can't clone him in every age brackett.

- Response by joybird, A Creative, Female, Who Cares?, Therapist

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Because most self proclaimed "nice guys" are guilt tripping self entitled assholes!

They think that because they did something for a girl, they're entitled to something from her, and then pout when they dont get it.

"Nice guys" are never nice for niceness's sake. There's always strings attached!

- Response by A Player, Female, 26-28, Who Cares?

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I want to be treated how I treat others. Seems simple enough. :)

- Response by rexy67, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 46-55, Who Cares?

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They like the asshole when he is an asshole to others, but when they turn on them they get upset.

- Response by juandontbeg, A Career Man, Male, 36-45, Self-Employed

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*It takes two to Tango*

It's easy to blame everything on the other person. Instead of taking responsibility for their part.

And women are notorious for changing their mind. It's a women's prerogative, so it is said.


- Response by bluegenel, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, Who Cares?, Technical

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I dont reject the nice guys. Sadly I have found that many of the initially nice guys change after they think they have "got you" hooked.

- Response by rayannem86, A Hippie Chick, Female, 29-35, Hospitality

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They were singing his praises right up until he became the biggest asshole in the world.

Next ALL men are assholes.

Until she finds a new man.

Then everything is OK and we're not all assholes anymore.

Rinse and repeat.

See how that works?

- Response by llafsroh, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 46-55, Boston, Science / Engineering

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Not all women reject nice guys. Women chose the " a@##hole" because they believe they will be the one to change him and they believe they are the one woman he will respect. Players really use simple tricks to keep women. Convince a woman she is smarter, sexier, etc. then she is and she can be manipulated. On the otherhand...Men who call themselves nice guys usually are not nice guys. A nice man doesn't have to advertise. Women like confident men and the players have learned that. Rosey

- Response by roseytalks, A Thinker, Female, Who Cares?, Tampa, Who Cares?

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Why do when reject nice guys but complain about assholes? Cause what they really want is an asshole, they're just too dumb to know A. what an asshole is and B. that they should be avoided... and birds of a feather flock together and all that.

- Response by An Intellectual Guy, Male, 36-45, Teaching

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it's not that i reject the nice guys it's just i'm more interested in is such an accomplishment to have an asshole be nice to you and make you feel special.... but we need them both. the lucky girls are the ones satisfied without playing these mind games. if i didn't get bored in life so easliy i would definitely take advantage of the nice ones.

- Response by A Player, Female, 22-25

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B/C there is nothing like a nice guy. Those call themselves nice guys are mostly covered assholes. Nice= asshole. On the other hand there is mature guys who don't play the "nice guy" card but as they are not much you find most women trapped with asshole guys (nice at the begging of the relationship).

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Other Profession

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Genetics and evolution are funny things. We like food which has certain nutrients but we don't think "mmm...I'll have a steak because it has protein" we want it simply because it is tasty.

Evolution and genetics have an impact on who we are and what we do. So it is not unusual for women to have sex with the bad boy ('alpha male') but marry a less good looking and more reliable man. Based on this it is not really a wonder that so many dads aren't the biological father of their kids.

- Response by sillymi, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Dublin

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WOMEN LIKE NICE GUYS!!! it's guys with "nice guy" syndrome that we hate. look it up.

- Response by beanielou, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Who Cares?

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Women like nice guys,it's the too nice guys that we don't like. I don't like a guy that worships me,always agrees with me,kisses my ass 24/7,always does what I say....basically wants to be my doormat. So freakin irritating,

- Response by misskitty420, A Cool Mom, Female, 29-35, Student

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It depends on what her real question is. Does she mean men are assholes in general or in the dating scene. If she means the work place then i believe men and women are equally assholes, just in different ways. Men are just more upfront about it. If she means the dating scene well that is a whole different ballgame. I have a favorite saying "Men are pigs and women are idiots for putting up with them" Women if you want to avoid assholes in your love life, follow these simple rules. Don't date anyone who doesn't have a job. Don't date anyone who doesn't have their own place to live. Don't date someone who wants to borrow money. Don't date someone with a criminal record. Don't date someone who has illigitamate children with other women. Don't date someone who is going to jail because they are not paying child suport. Don't date someone who is an alchohlic or drug addict. Follow these rules and you will avoid most assholes. If this list eliminates most of your dating choices then maybe it is you that has the problem.

- Response by 03batman, A Mr. Married Guy, Male, 56-65, Medical / Dental

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My boyfriend is everything I could ask for and more; no complaints here. I love him.

- Response by melimeg1972, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Baltimore, Fashion

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Hmmm ... my opinion on this is based on the incessant urge that women seem to have to want to "change" men.

I believe that many MANY women need a man they feel is worth their time to work at "changing" into something else - a man in her own ideal.

Nice guys don't need to be shaped and molded into what a woman wants, BUT since this particular woman didn't get to do the shaping, she rejects him. She wants only her own self-crafted man, not someone else's.

But bad boys need lots of work, in the mind of a woman set out to shape and mold him into something else. Thus a woman sees a bad boy as a challenge to "civilize" and one about whom thereafter she can have the pride of saying "he's mine, I did that."

And no, I do not believe that a women truly knows what she wants. The urge to bend and shape a man - to mindf--k him if necessary - into something else is as innate to a woman as the urge to procreate. It is not conscious, but is primal and cannot be ignored.

- Response by cd92835, A Career Man, Male, 46-55

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Women date the nice guys. Keyword: women.

Little girls who want cheap thrills of self-importance choose the assholes that fill their lives with the drama of a prime-time soap. It's how people of low self-worth feel important and necessary. (Somewhat A.D.D. moment: Why do you think more women than men use Facebook?)

I avoid those types of girls like the plague.

- Response by optimalcontrol, A Creative, Male, 26-28, Washington, DC, Student

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You starred someone who thinks that women somehow need a strict patriarchal society to survive--he states that because WOMEN have contraception and don't have to be tied down by marriage, they are getting "punished" by the fact that "alpha" males don't have to marry. The idiocy of his statement is obvious: regardless of whether or not WOMEN are being punished by being denied efficient BC, so called alpha males NEVER had to marry to get sex; women, however, HAD to marry when they got pregnant (males have always had more options in a sexist society than women; the males who are angry that women HAVE options now because they have contraception are merely trying to pretend that WOMEN have gotten punished by using contraception. In reality, males like these idiots are angry that women have contraception because contraception gives women more options--in the patriarchal past, once a woman got pregnant her options were severely limited.).

Of course the idiots who think that women are somehow "flawed" and the idiots who accuse women of making bad generalizations (while agreeing with the male idiots who made bad generalizations about how "women are flawed") would give someone with your mentality a lot of solace--you don't have to think about your own illogic if you can create a strawwoman to beat, in effect.

I'm awfully sorry to burst your bubble with just a few obvious facts: women do not "always" reject a nice guy, but very often males who consider themselves "nice guys" are undateable fools who make insane generalizations like "women always reject the nice guys."

In short, your definition of a "nice guy" is probably someone else's definition of an absolutely irrational idiot who is also a wimp. Because he is a wimp, we should all believe he's "nice" and therefore excuse him for being a sexist idiot. :D

- Response by electragold21, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, New York, Teaching

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read my tumblr and find out why, m/, basically they want challenge, however, not all girls are the same. Ask if they like cats or dogs, that will tell if they like nice guys over bad guys. Most girls like the bad boy who can defend for himself and offspring, just prewired in girls.

- Response by lunk, A Guy Critical, Male, 29-35, Student

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Definitely and appropriately Pop'd response. Having said that most women tend to only pick assholes a 3rd of the time I think. Really attractive women tend to pick assholes like 85%-90% of the time. I'm convinced that really attractive women do this to fit a social mold of really hot women always dating assholes.

- Response by butch007, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 29-35, Philadelphia, Artist / Musician / Writer

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Women don't always do this! Maybe certain women always do, and then there are the women like me who always go for the nice guys and love them!

- Response by sweetmama247, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 29-35, Buffalo, Home Maker

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can't win with women... they say they want something, but will almost always go for the opposite.

- Response by kungfudewd, A Career Man, Male, 36-45, Who Cares?

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Thats just how some people are,,, they are not relationship material and will always find themselves either alone or in a rotten go no where relationship, I have known women that are only attracted to the wrong kind of man and they know they are all messed up, and will admit it. Stay away from these types.

- Response by rkller900, A Career Man, Male, 56-65, Technical

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First of all quit calling assholes alpha males the thing is im a nice guy I treat a woman right if given a chance .assholes treat women like crap beat them ip cheat on them verbially abuse them .tje nice guys like me usually r kept as buddys and pals cause the women knpw that we will always be hete for them while they get treated like crap and tell tne nice guy sorry ur just my friend if the guy is interested in them it does sux the problem is most women have low self esteem they dont love themselves so they choose assholes that treat them like crap .i love myself im conifent im no st a pushover and om a nice guy im goodlooking .assholes rnt alpha males they r just assholes and real alpha male wouldnt treat a woman like crap he d take carw of her and treat her right

- Response by A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 36-45, Other Profession

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Everyone needs to understand that REAL WOMEN date nice guys.

Excuse my language, but who wants an asshole - unless you want to hook up! For me, its all about class, manners, etiquette and genuine kindness and honesty. You want a REAL MAN and that is a kind-hearted, sweet, and genuine man.

When it comes down to real relationships, you need the base: a genuine man, but if you want to be in the playground scene, than go for the asshole who will treat you like crap.

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 22-25, Toronto

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I have seen plenty of abuse as a "nice guy" at the hands of a few women, and now at 43, have come to set boundries for just what I will tolerate from any person, male or female, meaning, "Assert myself clearly without whining or begging" to extract myself from the situation with an acceptable amount of material loss, and no sacrifice of dignity or freedom. With that, I'm looking forward to my next encounter, as I shall reward excellent behavior with kindness, affection, and generousity, likewise, extend my calm absence to those that would otherwise exsaperate me. No fighting, or negotiations... Maybe a good-bye, or maybe, if appropriate, a Drop Dead... I'm no longer a nice guy... Yet, I'm not truly an Asshole... Although, I've acted like one, only in retaliation... What I feel, and what I want, are more easily acknowledged when Peace is upon me, and I'm correct in my actions... So, Love being real, and self-esteem in place, I advance through the Cosmos knowing: Love IS Good...

- Response by A Rebel, Male, 36-45, Los Angeles, Who Cares?

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I don't care too much for hostile popular people. For me I'm an attractive female in my 40's but notice alot of people of ALL RACES , ALL GENDERS AND ALL PREFERENCES GET TO BE REALLY UNHAPPY AND BITTER PEOPLE. Being nice isn't about finding reality. Good people are here on Earth it is just run by people who can't clean the dirt underneath. Disgusted with the world today. & I DON'T TRUST ANY OF YOU.

a good person.

- Response by omegacrap, A Thinker, Female, 36-45

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The sad truth is that most women are simply not fit to choose a mate! This is especially true of younger women. There's really nothing to argue about! A substantial subset of women DO ACTUALLY CHOOSE ASSHOLES! I'm sorry, but women who CHOOSE ASSHOLES automatically loose any claim to wisdom! Truly intelligent women shouldn't have to suffer the embarrassment to women in general from the fools who CHOOSE ASSHOLES!

- Response by philosopherstone2020, A Career Man, Male, 56-65, New York

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Cause they're dumbasses.

- Response by clueless37, An Alternative Girl, Female, 46-55, Celebrity

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Why does anyone make such vast and hopeless generalizations?!

- Response by trawna, A Career Woman, Female, 46-55, Toronto, Consulting

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