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How do you leave the past behind to start a new future in the present???
Dating / 11:33 PM - Wednesday September 29, 2010

How do you leave the past behind to start a new future in the present???

I've met a WONDERFUL guy & because I'm so used to being treated like I'm worthless & have come to believe it through the years, I can't seem to let this guy in. :(

I shut him out, put him off & accuse him of being a liar when he tells me he's in love with me, wants to marry me, thinks I'm great & fantastic. I mean, here's a guy that wants me to meet his family, wants me to see how he lives, has my picture as his desktop wallpaper on his computer, keeps a picture of me by his bed, tells me I can tell him anything & everything no matter how little it may be, encourages me to call or text him anytime, any place, wants to see me as much as he can get, has waited patiently to have sex with me for three months now... he's great.

I want to let him in so much. I want to fall deeply in love with him as he is with me. I started to & when he recently mentioned going out to look at rings, I was all for it. I felt exactly as he does. Then a few days later, I got distant & weird & the reason why is because, with my history, I can't believe that anyone would feel I'm good enough for them to love. I can't believe that anyone would want me for me without a hidden agenda that will hurt me. :(

How am I supposed to get through this before I chase this keeper away?

- Asked by irishize, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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Read the book "He's Scared, She's Scared". Along with reading this book I would suggest counseling. I am not a big fan of counseling but sometimes this is helpful to let go of past hurts and it couldn't hurt in this case. You need to be emotionally healthy to have a successful relationship. Time to learn how to accept the past, learn your "new" reality and let go and move on. Until you do these things you will continue to self sabatoge your relationship!

- Response by kdtxchic30, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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You have two choices and they are relatively simple:
1. You can allow your future to be painted with the same dark brush as your past life has been colored.

2. You can rip up that tired, negative script and allow for happy and wonderful possibilities.

Now, you already KNOW what happens with Option One!

What is the worst that can happen? Someday you discover you do not love him anymore? But, you STILL experienced a wonder beyond your wildest dreams - if only for a given period of time.

There is an old saying: Better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.

That is the truth!

- Response by randyl, A Thinker, Female, Who Cares?, Technical

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It's really not that difficult... you have identified your issues. Sit him down and talk with him. Explain you have had a very rough and rocky past with men and that it has scared you. Tell him that you are trying to work through it but that, as he has seen, sometimes you backslide into 'protected mode' for no reason. Its all a part of who you are and maybe with his help and understanding, you can get through it.

AND there is a BIG BUT!!! From this I get you have seen each other for about 3 months and he is still waiting to bed you?
And he wants to look at rings already? To me, that's moving very fast for not sexin' or living together.....

- Response by singledad281, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 46-55, Houston, Hospitality

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