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My boyfriend says my sister is "smoking hot"?
Dating / 11:22 AM - Tuesday September 28, 2010

My boyfriend says my sister is "smoking hot"?

He is always noticing hot girls. We were on a date once and these two girls in SUPER short shorts walked by and he actually looked back to check them out. :( It's happened more than one time. And he called my own sister smoking hot. I asked him what he would do if he had a brother that I said was smoking hot, and he said he'd break up with me. I don't know what to do. He's an amazing and sweet boyfriend but I hate this... I feel like I'm not hot enough for him, which is why he's noticing all these other girls. Including movie stars (megan fox, blah). What do I do?

- Asked by An Alternative Girl, Female, 26-28

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Cautionary tale:

Me and my father observed one guy my younger sister dated checking out some girl when we visited as well as just a lot of obnoxious, judgmental, jealous and ultimately insecure behavior over two years. When they finally broke up it was because he'd cheated AGAIN (I have no idea how often this happened, but I know it wasn't the first time) and he had syphilis for the entire last year they were dating. My sister didn't get syphilis because they never had sex and she was glad she didn't, but it was a Hell of a lot of personal pain for her to deal with because so many people had mentioned that the things he thought were ok weren't.

The moment you start feeling bad about yourself specifically because of something the guy is saying or doing is the moment you should be realizing that there's an element of abuse in the relationship and it's time to kick the guy to the curb.

- Response by butch007, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 29-35, Philadelphia, Artist / Musician / Writer

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Take his advice, break up with him. I dont see what is so sweet about a guy that makes his gf feel like a less-than on Purpose.

- Response by newnumbersguy32, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 36-45, Financial / Banking

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Community Rating: Community Star

Well you should remind your boyfriend that he does the same. Ask him a lot of questions. Ask him why he said he'd break up with you if you said another guy was smoking hot, but it's okay for him to say the same about other women. He sounds almost like a control freak. I'll be honest, I've felt the same when I dated women. I knew there were hot women around me, but I at least had the magnanimity to keep my mouth shut. It sounds to me like your boyfriend doesn't have much class, and you deserve better.

- Response by daugenstine, A Career Man, Male, 36-45, Teaching

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I thought his behaviour was fine until you said he has a double standard.. so if you compliment guys in front of him he hates it? But your supposed to listen to his crap? Ive had bf's where both of us would point out hotties.. but we BOTH did it. And it was fun and harmless. Its not ok for double standards to exsist in relationships because it will cause alot of resentment.

- Response by experienced123, A Creative, Female, 29-35, Administrative

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Why the double standard? You need to call him out on it. Don't be afraid to lose him. And if he breaks up with you because of it, then good riddance. More than likely he isn't worth it. Have enough confidence in yourself to know that you don't need to put up with shit you don't like. Let him know how you feel girl. Good luck!

- Response by A Cool Mom, Female, 26-28, Miami, Self-Employed

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Whaddya mean, "blah"... Megan Fox IS HOT!

I'd do HER, before an "anonymous" child...

- Response by fehkarfight, A Couch Potato, Male, 56-65, Who Cares?

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He's just winding you up. Tell him to go back to sleep.

Anyone without a sense of humour is at the mercy of those that do.


- Response by bluegenel, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, Who Cares?, Technical

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seems to me that what's good for one is good for the, let him know you don't appreciate the comments.....

- Response by themamu, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, Who Cares?

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Then say... "well I gotta tell you, your brother is f-ing hot!"

- Response by A Hippie Chick, Female, 29-35

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In a way I guess it's a guy thing to LOOK but the way that he's doing it is just plain rude and tacky.

Many Many years ago I did that crap. I was just doing it and didn't realize the impact It had on my S/O.

You need to make it clear how you feel about it. Maybe he will learn before you dump him.

- Response by usarmy24id, A Mr. Married Guy, Male, 36-45, Celebrity

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Continue torturing him with your insecurities until you have him trained to walk on eggshells, keep his eyes down, say only the correct answers and the relationship will be just the way you want it.

- Response by A Guy Critical, Male, 46-55, Technical

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How exactly is he amazing and sweet or is that what we are calling a blatant disregard for someone else's feelings these days? What kind of a** makes those kind of comment to their gf about her own sister? He is a narcissist. He is far from sweet.

Men look at other women. That is never going to stop. They can however keep their thoughts to themselves. This is something he has control over. Demand he respect your feelings.

- Response by jess2481, A Life of the Party, Female, 36-45, Cincinnati, Other Profession

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Men are visual creatures. It's OK for them to notice. They will anyway. BUT it's OK for you to notice these things too.

So you can do a couple of things. #1- He will NEVER EVER get a woman like megan fox. Let him have his one celeb crush. For instance if he says "oh she looks so good in the bikini" you can come back and say "yeah she does! too bad her husband is a washed up 90210 actor!"

#2- For the comments about your sister, let him know it's totally inappropriate to talk about family members that way and its kinda sick!

#3-Tell him if he is going to notice other women, he better take notice of you, or someone else will!

"what you won't do for you s/o someone else will ;)"

Good luck!

- Response by thekissbandit, A Thinker, Female, 29-35

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My fiance and I each have a "free cheat list"--that is, we will call it a clean slate if either of us gets to have sex with a celebrity that we both know was on our respective lists. ;)

So, I'd say that looking at attractive women / men is something that I'd do and my fiance doesn't mind--he knows he's welcome to do likewise. In fact, he may very seldom look at anyone but movie stars because he knows he can't make me jealous.

Where your guy is showing he's a major car wreck in slow motion is his refusal to allow YOU to do what HE does. That is just stupid and shows machismo and insecurity--so much so it's likely that he's TRYING to make you jealous by purposely looking at other women. I'd dump him fast if I were you--he doesn't seem to have many things going for him.

- Response by electragold21, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, New York, Teaching

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It's absolutely normal for a dude to ogle chicks in super short shorts. It's totally just part of our DNA. Show me a dude who doesn't notice that, and I guarantee you he's gay.

BUT (and here's the key) we can and will keep it under control for a chick we really like. If he does it in front of you constantly and/or in an indiscreet way, he's disrespecting you, and it's a sign he's really not that into you.

- Response by A Rebel, Male, 29-35, Washington, DC, Self-Employed

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- Response by duggers, A Guy Critical, Male, 66 or older

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Well his noticing other girls is normal. Making sure to tell you, and to rudely make a spectacle of himself in front of you while noticing is uncalled for, as well as being classless.
As soon as he told you he would break up with you if you mentioned someone else was hot, you should have called him on the double standard, and either told him to go to hell, or at least told him that if he thinks it is rude for you to tell him, it is rude for him to tell you as well, and that you will no longer tolerate it. One thing: you have to mean it, if you say it. If you call him on this, and you do not do something about it when he does it again, you are asking for a whole lot worse in the future.

- Response by wolverinesegg, A Career Man, Male, 46-55, Science / Engineering

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butch007 totally took the words out of my mouth.

This reminds me of my first boyfriend.

He is not sweet. He's abusive.

- Response by mlcoast2, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 22-25

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Guy's look and so do Women, but his double standard and the way he shoves it in your face is rude and tacky. You don't deserve to be treated this way, and I gaurantee it will only get worse the longer you stay with him. This is not a sweet boyfriend. A sweet boyfriend, will not disregard your feelings or make you feel any less than you are.

- Response by elizabethmom05, A Cool Mom, Female, 36-45, Tampa, Retail

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in response to some of the responses given, NO the solution is not to go out and get a mini makeover and get all hot tottie for your boyfriend. the solution is to tell him that he's being hypocritical and is WAY out of line about commenting on your sister. that's disrespectful to you and her and it's plain sick. if he has a cow about it, screw him he's not for you. if he apologizes and changes his attitude, great.

- Response by askas10, A Trendsetter, Female, 29-35, Los Angeles, Fashion

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what im seeing and hearing here is that you are finding your deepest sense of significance in this guy. do you think your insecurities are going to stop him from what he is doing? think again. as long as you continue to find your sense of worth in some man youre going to keep being attracted to AND attracting the wrong ones. the way you are right now any relationship you have is going to be doomed to failure and youre going to always get dumped. and not necessarily because the guys you attract in themselves are jerks. but nedines and being willing to devalue yourself to where you will accept totally unacceptable behavior will bring out the jerk in any man.
youre describing a scenario that no emotionally healthy woman is going to put up with. we set the standards on how others treat us.
im not talking about placing blame on you. im talking about how you
need to look at this situation and see where you are the lowest common denominator in it. what im saying may sound harsh but i can assure you there is no malice in it.

i am a Christian and only after embarking on a personal relationship with God thru His Son did i begin to understand that sin isnt just a list of dos and donts. its when you find your deepst sense of worth and significance in something other than Jesus Christ. whenever we do that we will always end up becoming on some level enslaved by it.
and our choices always end up being the wrong ones even though we may not see it at the time. in your case you keep trying to find your sense of worth in how some guy sees you ( your post reveals a pattern here) as long as you keep doing this youll keep attracting the wrong guys or maybe even the right guy for the wrong reasons.
in essence youre making them your god which is doomed to fail because youre wanting something theyll never be able to give you.
the first person you need to turn to here is God. He sees you as beautiful the way you are and go figure its because the way you are is exactly how He made you!! therefore Hes not going to abandon you for something better because you ARE His workmanship!! thru Him one day Youll find someone who only has eyes for you and not some jerk who keeps looking at other women behind your back and in front of you.(hes an "amazing and sweet boyfriend" but blatanty undresses your sister with his eyes in front of you? it sounds like hes conned you into thinking hes doing you a favor)

put God in the center of your life and youll begin to see you CAN do better than that!!!

God bless, lisa

- Response by u2joshuadesireu, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Medical / Dental

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I have twin sister-in-laws. Both 5'11", blond, large C cup, fit, outgoing flirts, etc. My wife is 5'5", brunette, small A, fit, quiet. I notice her sister, and lots of women, but I love my wife, not them.

- Response by A Creative, Male, 29-35

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Yeah, hon, I gotta say dump him. I'm usually all for the guy dumping the no-good bitch, but this guy has got to go. If he's so into your sister then maybe he should've picked her instead and not put your feelings on the line like that. Sweet or no, he's got to go.

- Response by lightningpilot101, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 26-28, Baltimore, Artist / Musician / Writer

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"I asked him what he would do if he had a brother that I said was smoking hot, and he said he'd break up with me."

There's your answer. If he holds this standard for himself there is no way he'd ever truly respect you if you didn't hold yourself to the same. That is why he keeps doing it(being disrespectful to you) & is treating you bad by going out of his way to make you feel insecure. You don't deserve to have him ogling women(especially family members) so openly in your presence. Of course he's going to look at other women, but he lacks discretion & has bad manners overall. He might be sweet when he wants to be in your good graces, but he obviously is rude. Get rid of him unless you can accept he wants to make you feel like crap.

- Response by melmac, A Thinker, Female, 29-35

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well i think his answer to your question is important. if you did what he did he would break up with you which really reveals his intentions in looking at these girls. I dont think there is anything wrong with checking out the opposite sex but he is doing it in a one-sided disrespectful way. theres nothing wrong with looking but hes being very disrespectful. it makes me wonder what does he do when your not around, approach them because im sure the other girls notice this. cant he use his peripherals geez

- Response by soseductive84, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Managerial

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my thing is to treat him just the way that he is treating you, or just break up with him

- Response by kaymarie02, A Hip Hop Girl, Female, 29-35, Other Profession

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It does not mean he does not find you smoking hot too, just that he sees other girls.

Tell him how you feel and how disrespectful it is. If he does not stop decide if you can live with it or not. If you cannot, say good bye.

It is that simple.

- Response by falconf1, A Father Figure, Male, 46-55, Ottawa, Who Cares?

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There is no reason why he needs to do that stuff in front of you. NO REASON AT ALL! He knows that it's rude and he knows he is being ungrateful for the girlfriend he DOES have. Ya know, it's one thing if you overhear your man telling his friends that he likes some hot celebrity, it's another for him to say it to you. He must be a very insecure person. I'd get rid of him.

- Response by sweetmama247, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 29-35, Buffalo, Home Maker

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and don't treat him the way hr treats you. Do you want love or war?

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Other Profession

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Stop feeling so insecure and dump him. I can tell you from experience that men like him are very insecure. They feel that they are proving their "worth" by doing this. It's ok for him to notice other women, he's a man for goodness sake, but if he's to the point of disrespect then something is wrong.

- Response by michellekia, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, St.Louis, Financial / Banking

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Poke his eye out next time.
Seriously, you must be one porker of a honey with a hot sister.

If you are anything like your AV, I like the hair.

- Response by movi, A Guy Critical, Male, 56-65, Administrative

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