I understand what you mean by everything being in your head all the time: I get the same way with my in-law troubles. It's so damn hard to stop thinking about it because of the unfairness of the situation and the feeling of betrayal.
What I do to try to get it out of my head is I write in my journal, but not in a direct, angry type of way... I write it as a kind of satirical, witty short story. I try to see everything in a petty, sarcastic manner. I write almost as if I were writing in order to entertain someone else. And usually, I end up laughing at the situation and can finally get some sleep (I'm a bit of an insomniac).
It doesn't solve my problem, because the situations are usually out of my control, but I can at least get the issue out of my head and move on.
Like in your case, there probably isn't much you can do to make everything better, so I find it best not to touch the situation and play things by ear. If she comes around, good; if not, oh well - you can't change that. I wouldn't cut everybody out because I think it would come across as passive aggressive and childish and, as you said, could start something worse. And then how will you get all THAT drama out of your head? LOL
Good luck to you.
- Response by kitty24
, An Alternative Girl, Female, 26-28, Ottawa, Teaching