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I'm 19 and dating a 34-year-old guy. Is that supposed to be a bad thing?
Dating / 7:14 PM - Saturday September 25, 2010

I'm 19 and dating a 34-year-old guy. Is that supposed to be a bad thing?

He just got out of a bad divorce and all my friends all saying I shouldn't go there with him because of the big age difference. Does age really matter?

- Asked by Female, 22-25

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It's not a bad thing... unless YOU are wishing to "move-in" and try to take over his world, (this is why that Other, is an EX!)

- Response by fehkarfight, A Couch Potato, Male, 56-65, Who Cares?

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This question often shows up at the men's seduction websites. What a man has to keep in mind that is that it won't last long... he's already in a mature place, but she has a lot of growing still to do. It should be obvious that she'll soon outgrow him.
This isn't a bad thing; we can still find a lot of good in the relationship, while it lasts.

- Response by chesterdad, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 56-65, San Francisco

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All I am going to say is be careful. You might just be a sweet piece of fresh meat for this guy who is on the "rebound". At your age 15 years age difference may be a bit much. Just being honest, sorry. Don't want you to get hurt.

- Response by A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 36-45, Providence, Self-Employed

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Its not a wonderful thing...depending on what "you" are looking for...

He's newly divorced, and looking for fun, not committment...if you are looking for a mature man...this will not be the place to find him.

A newly divorced man of any age, is not usually very mature...he's often looking for all the fun he felt he missed, while being married...

Give it a year or two, and then see if you both feel the age difference matters...or not...

- Response by mamom04, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 56-65, Phoenix

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Yes, it matters, but only to an extent. What matters most is the connection between the two of you.

That includes being on the same page as far as maturity and readiness to settle down go.

If he just got out of a bad divorce, he's probably not ready to settle down again just yet. But he might find the idea of dating a 19 year old pretty enticing.

If you want to be his rebound fling, go for it.

If you're looking for something deeper, it's probably not going to happen with this guy.

On the off-chance that he really is a stable, mature guy who's not on the rebound but simply falling in love with you...

If you have to ask a question like this, you're probably not mature enough for a relationship with a stable, mature guy.

My advice, for whatever it's worth: Just enjoy being 19, free and single, and date guys closer to your own age.


- Response by uniquelyme2, A Creative, Female, 46-55, Artist / Musician / Writer

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If you were 34 it would be a bad thing. Your age isn't so much the problem (although it doesn't help) as him just getting out of a bad divorce.

You are the rebound girl. This guy just wants to quickly find a replacement for what he has lost.

Between the big age difference and this guy rushing into another relationship, the odds are really against you.

I'm sorry to sound so negative. I'm sure you're a very nice person and deserve much better than this.

I might suggest that you are very cautious with this guy. You're very young and there's no rush to get serious. I would hate to see you get hurt.


- Response by mrscleaver16, A Married Girl, Female, 66 or older

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No age doesn't really matter if he is good to you and you both are obviously over 21.

- Response by debski, A Career Woman, Female, 36-45, Detroit, Science / Engineering

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Age doesn't really matter that much as long as you are both on the same page and compatible. Do be careful tho BC you are the rebound. While your companionship is very comforting and mutually beneficial, he will probably want little to do with being locked down so quick after a bad divorce.



- Response by singledad281, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 46-55, Houston, Hospitality

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age might not matter right now but you are rebound gal, he just got out of a marriage. Just take it slowly and be honest with each other. If you are not compatible it won't take long to see

- Response by marias223, A Trendsetter, Female, 46-55, Who Cares?

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You might not like this but it's wonderful for him.

He's using you to screw away the memories of his X wife. A 34 year old and 19 year old don't have much in common. It's all about sex and you need to realize it. As long as you accept it and are cool with it then it's all good.

If you think you are both in Love then I'm thinking you're gonna be getting disappointed.

Sorry to be so blunt. Good luck to you.

- Response by usarmy24id, A Mr. Married Guy, Male, 36-45, Celebrity

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I'm sure it's quite flattering to you to have an older man interested in you.

In saying that, I was 19 at one point as well and I am now 28. I am in a COMPLETELY different place than I was at that age.

To be honest, what is it exactly that you two have in common? I can't imagine much. Furthermore, you should be asking yourself why he feels the need to date someone your age as opposed to someone closer to his own age. I mean seriously, you're not even of legal drinking age.

To me, there is absolutely no reason a 34 year old guy needs to be dating a 19 year old unless there are some serious maturity issues (which might be the reason he is no longer married). Honestly, aren't you curious why no one his own age is dating him?

Usually when a guy dates someone your age it's because he knows he can create some B.S. that you will buy into. He's been around a lot longer than you and I'm sure at 34 he's pretty aware of how to manipulate a 19 year old. Also, you're not going to challenge him or hold him accountable like someone closer to his own age.

If you feel like being a pawn in someone's game, then by all means continue. If you're looking for something meaningful you need to move on.

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 29-35

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at this very moment, he is bragging to his friends about you. grats, you just be came a notch in his belt

- Response by strongbow, A Jock, Male, 29-35, Who Cares?

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Age does NOT matter. But he just got divorced? THAT'S definately a problem. It sometimes takes a very long time to recover from divorce. Even when it's wanted and needed. What happened? They married for a reason. Why was the divorce 'bad'? Are there children? What do you really know about him? Is he abusive; emotionally, financially or physically? Take off the rose-colored glasses. Talk to others. Age differences are not always important. It's just 15 years.

- Response by rholuc, A Thinker, Female, 66 or older, Retired

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Yes, age does matter.
At his age, he is most likely only viewing you as a potential romp in the sheets, especially given the recent divorce.

- Response by chessplayer, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 36-45, Administrative

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Sometimes age should be taken into consideration. I don't think this age difference is anything to be concerned about. What I DO think you should be concerned about is the fact he was just divorced.

It is NEVER a good thing to rush into another relationship on the tails of a divorce. This should be a red flag to any thinking person. Because you do not know whether he is running FROM her or TOWARD you. If it was bad enough (his relationship with Ex) he could just be running to FORGET. Many guys use new gals only to help keep their mind off of what they just went through. ONE YEAR is the minimum professionals advise waiting after a divorce, before dating seriously again.

- Response by randyl, A Thinker, Female, Who Cares?, Los Angeles, Who Cares?

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Ge, ya think? Are you from Texas or Mississippi? And he just got divorced? Outstanding. Welcome to statisticsville. Bad statisticsville.

- Response by doctorphil, A Guy Critical, Male, 56-65, Los Angeles, Celebrity

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You could move up a couple of notches, I'm 51....
At least I am funny.
You should hear Raul fart....

- Response by movi, A Guy Critical, Male, 46-55, Administrative

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its a weird thing...not so much a bad thing...

- Response by kramer, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 46-55, Who Cares?

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You should listen to your friends. I agree with the one person saying if you were 29 and 44, it would be less of a deal. The fact that you're barely legal should be taken under consideration a great deal. I don't mean you any disrespect, but the whole thing seems fishy to me if he just got out of a divorce. It sounds to me like the guy is in the early stages of midlife crisis, so he's looking for some arm candy. Therefore, you're there to massage his ego so he can brag to all his other guy friends about how he has a new trophy girlfriend. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out this guy has issues. No wonder his wife divorced him.

- Response by daugenstine, A Creative, Male, 29-35, Who Cares?

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Your 20's are such a growth period & some of the best times in your life. You haven't even begun them. He's almost halfway through his 30's. Age doesn't have to be a big deal, but at your age it is a bit more complicated. You're like a kid starting out just having gotten your adult walking papers around a year ago. He's been living as an adult for quite awhile gaining life experience, been married & divorced, & is just in a different place than you. Look back 15 years ago to how old you were, like 4 years old. Granted you grow more quickly in that gap than when you are older, but how you are now at 19 will be different from where you are when 'you' reach 34.

I don't have a real problem with age differences, but it does kinda bug me when one of the people are under 25. I think by 25 you have a good sense of self & personal values established. By 34 a man tends to be more settled & set in his ways where he might try to train you to live by his standards rather than you having enough time to form your own. He might hold you back from personal growth & experience. This guy might be a decent guy, but the fact that he just got out of a bad divorce implies he's a risky candidate for your heart. You're a ripe 19 year old woman. His intentions are questionable.

- Response by melmac, A Thinker, Female, 29-35

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Men who like much younger women are men who dole out a lot of BS. He might not be doing it right now. He might be playing hurt puppydog over his divorce and playing on your sympathy, but there is a big difference in a 19 year old woman and a 34 year old woman. One of the main things is that as we get older, we are more apt to stand up for ourselves and not take the crap that men give us. As my friend says, very young women just haven't been beaten up enough to know when it's happening. That's not an insult to you. It's just a fact. And you probably believe you DO stand up for yourself, but the fact that a guy like this is keeping you around....well, it is about him, not about you. Be careful.

- Response by waitinggirl22, A Thinker, Female, Who Cares?, Los Angeles

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A big age difference in general isn't always neceesarily a bad thing. the question is, is THIS situation a bad thing? considering what you told us...he's coming out of a bad divorce...may not be a good sign. he could be dating you because you're much younger and won't be as experienced so he can get away with more (don't take this personally, I mean this could be what he's thinking, it's not an attack on you :) ), you're younger so he might be immature, you have no baggage so you are an escape. you're younger so you won't question things. you're younger so this shields him from dating an older woman with experience and an opinion.

since you don't know what his real deal is, I would look out for these possiblities--you shouldn't get hurt because of his "stuff".



- Response by ebm3, A Trendsetter, Female, 36-45, Self-Employed

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It's ok in my opinion to date an older guy but don't expect it to last. If you just want to enjoy him for awhile and then move on,go for it. He just got out of a divorce and you are very young still.

- Response by misskitty420, A Cool Mom, Female, 29-35, Student

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i don't think it's a good idea..since he just got out of a divorce.

- Response by le_gem735713, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Miami, Who Cares?

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for a girl, 19 is not that young.
for a man, 34 is not that old.

Theres no problem at all.

- Response by mrsavage, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 29-35, Who Cares?

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Of course it doesn't matter..I'm sure he's a perfectly normal 30-something man who has great social skills..and I'm sure that you are a teen without issues, or low self-esteem or just can't seem to get guys that are 20-26 years old to look at you.

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 36-45, St.Louis, Other Profession

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Its not a bad thing if your going to be with him for a while and take it as an experience and move on after.
I remember when I was 18 and went out with a 41 one year old. I was with him for about a year on and off and then lived with him, after 3 months of living with him....I took off went back home. Took it as an experience and moved on. I just loved older men at the time. But hey things change and then started dating guys my age. Everything is an experience.

- Response by thewiselady2004, A Creative, Female, 56-65, Los Angeles, Self-Employed

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Yes that is a bad thing, hunny your way too young for this old saggy person go explore ife..dont settle for less.

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 18-21

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