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In a long-term relationship, but have a crush on someone else.
Dating / 1:50 AM - Wednesday September 22, 2010

In a long-term relationship, but have a crush on someone else.

I have been with my boyfriend for over three years now. I love him so much and I could not ask for a better boyfriend. We have even talked about marriage one day. The thing is, ever since I got my new job I have developed a crush for one of my co-workers. I get excited whenever I see him and find myself being very flirtatious with him. I think about him a lot and look forward to seeing him the next day. Ever since the start of my job, I haven't been able to see my boyfriend as much so I am wondering if this could be why? I feel terrible about this, like I am cheating on my boyfriend or something. I do not know what to do about this. Advice?

- Asked by Female, 26-28

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Put ONE GUY IN ONE CORNER> Put the oTHER guy in the other corner, then decide, Which one is my lifetime husband. These variations are common at your age, Look the scene over with "long distance" in mind. You will make the right choice and God bless D

- Response by duggers, A Guy Critical, Male, 66 or older

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I think in life you will always meet people that spark your interest. On some of them, you will have a crush, that's how it goes, you can't prevent this.

However, the important thing about this, is how you act in those situations. You say you're very happy with your current boyfriend. This may also one day be different (in good times and bad times). The point is, relationships take commitment, from both sides. And I think it's actually this that makes a relationship special.

A crush is just that, a crush. You don't know what will come from this. Your mind and your feelings are running crazy. But frankly speaking, you don't really know the other person, and you don't know if a relationship with your crush would be fulfilling or not. But you know that the relationship with your boyfriend is.

I think in love and life, it's not a question of finding the BEST match. A good one will do. You will always find something that at first looks better, but in the long run, it probably isn't. What makes it good is just what I already mentioned, the commitment, the mutual trust, the feeling of "being at home" with your boyfriend.

Having crushes is completely normal. But it's how you deal with them is what is important.

- Response by rockhopper, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 29-35, Zurich, Who Cares?

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Being attracted to others or being flirtatious is pretty harmless most of the time, but I think you might be missing the bigger picture... you're already in a relationship with someone you care for and who you say cares equally for you. Your current boyfriend deserves your appreciation so long as he is good to you and treats you how you want to be treated. Do you honestly think this other guy will treat you any better if you try to get with him, or is this just an infatuation? I think it sounds like a case of "grass is always greener" syndrome. Don't waste what you have for a crush, you'll regret what you lose in the long run. This doesn't mean you can't be friends with this guy though. I'm betting that as time goes on, you'll find he lacks a lot of the qualities you like about your current relationship and he won't seem so attractive. Good luck :)

- Response by dangerdad71, A Life of the Party, Male, 46-55, Seattle, Political / Government

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i had the same problem as u before, & trust me it's normal if u have developed a crush since u've been with ur bf in a serious long-term relationship for years. at first, i wonder if i was falling out of love with my bf because i have a thing for this new guy at work, then i realized it was just infatuation because i haven't been with anyone else but my bf for almost 5 years that it almost felt like i didn't experience meeting different guys like my friends were doing so suddenly meeting some cute guy at work i was infatuated especially he was such a flirt. as relationship grows, couples tend to not flirt with each other as often since we get into our "comfort zone" with the significant other & not back in our "getting to know each other stage" where we'd blush & giggle & think about each other 24/7. anyway, my bf & i are doing great & i haven't spoken with that co-worker of mine since i left that job. trust me, ur bf is a keeper at the end of the day but make sure u're only doing harmless flirting at work & don't get urself into some trianle love drama with this new boy. ;)

- Response by kayimaybach, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 22-25, Vancouver

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I think you have the crush because you haven't been able to see your bf.

- Response by le_gem735713, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Miami, Who Cares?

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Hey, I know exactly how you feel! I have been in a relationship with my bf for almost 4 years. I know his family, he knows mine...we've worked through all the challenges over the years and are completely comfortable with eachother. I do love him, and he loves me lots and plans to get a house and have babies.I would say we have a very loving relationship. He is also my first boyfriend, so have not experienced anything else.
The thing is though, there's this guy at work who has liked me for ages and i admit I have been flirtatious with him at work. Then I found myself dressing up especially if I knew he was working the same day and getting nervous/excited to see him. He's very attractive and i'm so intrigued by him. I want to get to know him better at least as a friend...but It's probably too dangerous territory ( I wouldnt want to do something stupid, like give in to my feelings).
Then we got drunk together, he told me he liked me...i told him I liked him too but confused because in long term relationship!
Anyway then yesterday at work he said he couldnt hang out with me any more coz it was too painful for him / he didnt trust himself not to make a move. I didnt think it would be as upsetting as it was...but i ended up in tears and he was a little suprised that i care about him that much. I really do care about him.....which adds to my confusion!
Then last night, my bf was trying to make love to me...but i just couldnt, it just didnt feel right...argh!
The thing is, with my bf...its a really good relationship, but i've always felt like a wild spirit who is engaged in a very 'normal' type life. I know that if I stay with my bf...i'll end up with a house, kids, nice retirement and all. But I question weather there is someone out there who might open my eyes and my world up to amazing things i've only dreamed of.
maybe should leave my job to remove temptation...
argh its a touch call

- Response by A Hippie Chick, Female, 26-28, Sydney

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