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I cheated on my girlfriend and don't know if I should tell her
Dating / 8:20 AM - Tuesday September 21, 2010

I cheated on my girlfriend and don't know if I should tell her

We have been together for coming up to 4 years and have lived together for a good few years. Last saturday I went to a party and after having drank too much ended up kissing someone. I feel massively guilty and feel like I should tell her but I know it will hurt her massively. I can't bare to cause her so much pain and know there is no way she will forgive me and allow us to stay together. I really love her and don't want to lose her and have been agonising over this for the last few days. I want to stay with her so much and don't want her to be in pain.

- Asked by A Guy Critical, Male, 29-35, London

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I guess you have to decide for yourself if you can hold your guilt.

If all you truly did was kiss perhaps it might be one of those things that you keep to yourself and maybe when you feel tempted in the future you should think about how guilty you felt.
Also you need to consider not putting yourself in the position where you might do something stupid such as drinking at a party without her.
Good luck to you

- Response by usarmy24id, A Mr. Married Guy, Male, 36-45, Celebrity

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Well if you explain it like you just did..what is the problem..Sweetheart I feel guilty about something..I had to much to drink the other night..and I Kissed someone in my drunked-ness..agonizing over it and feel terrible. Let her vent and see what happens..You have known her for how long..you know how she will react..things happen and if your in a true relationship it will be over come. ;.]

- Response by cjs1991, A Creative, Female, 36-45, Teaching

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Don't say a word and take it to the grave. It was harmless and you obviously care for her if you are guilting yourself so badly so put it behind you and move on with your life. The memory of this will fade

- Response by sexytony617, A Creative, Male, 46-55, Boston, Consulting

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DO NOT tell her. you feel guilty and want to rid yourself of this guilt by telling her something that will upset her greatly... doesn't make any sence to me. take this one to your grave. these things happen, and you will NOT be doing her or yourself any good by confessing your infidelity.

- Response by guy5432, A Mr. Married Guy, Male, 36-45, New York, Who Cares?

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Definitely not a single word to her. As long as you realize the guilt yourself and not to make the same mistake in the future, it will be fine.

- Response by sanyalove, A Sportif, Female, 36-45, Sydney, Financial / Banking

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There is no reason to hurt your lady if there is no way she'll find out unless you tell her, your guilt is enough. If she might find out you must tell her first and throw yourself on her mercy and hope for the best. No more parties without her by your side.

- Response by bambi58, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Indianapolis, Retired

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Honesty is the best policy...

- Response by juandontbeg, A Career Man, Male, 36-45, Self-Employed

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Hmmn, was there more than a mere attraction to the extend of just kissing? I would well believed and imagined that some flirtation is going on before the kissing. Well, I am not saying that flirtations is wrong, but its wrong when you are going to tell it to your gf and that obviously its not right for you to do it.

Its temptations that you are unable to hold here and its really difficult to believe there is no part 2. Anyway, if you are going to tell her, then you will need to prepare a very good explanation in allowing this temptation to go this far and possibly further.

- Response by A Creative, Female, 29-35, Auckland

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Why should you tell her? You want to pass the buck, is what you want to do. Currently you feel like shit, and you want someone else to feel like shit too. That is the truth behind people wanting to tell their partner about their indescressions.

Think about it. You did something wrong. Right now you are miserable and your partner is happy. If you tell her, you will feel better, and she will be miserable, though she has done nothing wrong.

Press this guilt deep down inside, and use the burning hole as motivation NOT TO DO IT AGAIN! Don't make an innocent person feel like shit because you are a loser. Be better, because your woman deserves better.

- Response by eequalsmcsquared, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 29-35, Medical / Dental

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Dude, KISSING is not CHEATING. Having SEX is cheating.
If you've been with this girl for four YEARS, you've lost a lot of opportunities to explore what other women can mean for your life. Deep inside, you already know that.
If anything, you are cheating YOURSELF if you go on like this.
It'll catch up to you, guaranteed.

I reconnected with an old girlfriend who meant a lot to me, and somehow I found myself wandering back to the online dating sites. It felt to ME like I was "cheating", but that didn't last very long. Things ended for us when she let her prison inmate husband come back to stay with her.

- Response by chesterdad, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 56-65, San Francisco

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if you think there are any chances that might pop up later and reveal your actions, then you have to tell her to save your relationship from more harm..but if there arent any then, make a promise to yourself that you wont repeat it and wont get drunk without your gf around..

- Response by circle09, A Creative, Female, 29-35

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I won't judge you, but I'm not going to shrive you, either. Did you just kiss this girl, or did you have sex with her? Either way, you'd better tell your girlfriend, instead of letting rumor and innuendo do the job for you.

- Response by myrtletyrtle, A Cool Mom, Female, 46-55, Who Cares?

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What you don't know won't hurt someone.If you love her so much you would not have done what you did.Stop blaming the fact that you were drunk.You did it.

- Response by roanna, A Hippie Chick, Female, 56-65, Self-Employed

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Truthfully, I do not think it will help to tell her. It might help you ease your guilt, but think about how it will make her feel? You'll be taking your negative feelings and passing them to her. Mistakes happen, you seem genuinely sorry, you probably won't do it again. Take it as a lesson learned and get on w/it.

- Response by sweetmama247, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 29-35, Buffalo, Home Maker

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some say kissing is cheating, others would say it isn't. what matters is how you feel about it...you feel like you cheated, that's what matters. learn from it, don't do it again. the need to tell her isn't really there...telling her would make things worse.

one very important thing...talk to the person you kissed. let her know you were very drunk...that you are committed to your girlfriend.

- Response by kramer, A Hip Hop Guy, Male, 46-55, Celebrity

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Dont tell her. Just put it on the back burner for now. You were drunk and did not realize what you were doing. Many times when one drinks to much they do things they normally would not do.

Why tell her and open a can of worms. It happened, it is over and just learn from it.


- Response by lover454, An Engaged Girl, Female, 56-65

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i think you should tell her you kissed someone while you were drinking and that you feel bad about what you did.

- Response by le_gem735713, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Miami, Who Cares?

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Don't tell her. You were drunk and it was just a kiss anyways. From now on don't over indulge on the alcohol so you don't impair your judgement.

- Response by misskitty420, A Cool Mom, Female, 29-35, Student

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I completely agree with MsGlo.
Suckie to say it since I'm a firm believer of always the speak the truth regardless of, yet if you truly love this girl do make sure you NEVER end up in an even remotly close situation as the one you were and never do it again. Yet if you star having mix feelings about her, you and the relationship, please talk to her about it pronto!
No need to lead someone on nor hurt them if you have already decided the outcome. On that, you do owe her that much!
Good luck

- Response by up4grabs1981, A Hip Hop Girl, Female, 29-35, Portland

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I think honesty is the best policy. Would you want to know if she kissed someone else?

I do understand you don't want to hurt her, but in a way that is kinda selfish. You would've never hurted her if you wouldn't have kissed someone.

- Response by christinfusion22, A Hippie Chick, Female, 26-28, Who Cares?

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The only reason you want to tell her is because you're feeling guilty and not because you want her to know.

That's a pretty bad reason for screwing up an important part of her life.

So no, definitely not.

And when women say they want the truth, they don't really.

- Response by windlord, A Guy Critical, Male, 26-28, Who Cares?

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Kissing another person behind your partners back = Cheating.

Those that say it's not cheating are = Cheaters!

I hear it all the time...Lads in relationships I know going out clubbing, kissing other girls...I say wow you cheated!? They're like "No well thats not really cheating!". Yes it is stop kidding yourself !

You should tell her and next time don't go out getting that drunk if you can't control yourself. The poor girl needs to know.

Good luck!

- Response by A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 26-28, Dublin, Student

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The ones that claim kissing is not cheating are the exact same ones that would be pissed if they caught their wives kissing someone. IJS
do not tell her, all that will do is releive your guilt and cause her pain. it would be selfish to tell her.

- Response by beanielou, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Halifax, Who Cares?

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I don't think you should say anything to her either, there really is no point only to relieve your guilt. Just let this be a lesson and a warning to you, and don't do something stupid again or you could loose her

- Response by zzzbeauty, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Dublin, Self-Employed

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The only thing that you will acomplish by telling her is easing your guilt and making her feel extremely bad and she will not be able to trust you anymore. And it will damage your relationship with her.

Part of doing something you think you shouldn't do, is living with the guilt. NOT giving her more pain by confessing. Don't tell and Don't do it again.

- Response by bob49, A Rebel, Male, 56-65, Seattle, Transportation

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The only thing that you will acomplish by telling her is easing your guilt and making her feel extremely bad and she will not be able to trust you anymore. And it will damage your relationship with her.

Part of doing something you think you shouldn't do, is living with the guilt. NOT giving her more pain by confessing. Don't tell and Don't do it again.

- Response by bob49, A Rebel, Male, 56-65, Seattle, Transportation

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Kissing is cheating... yet to me could be a forgivable mistake. Sex, not so much. Better for her to hear it from you than someone else. You two weren't the only people at the party right? You have no control over whatever others saw or the assumptions they make if they decide to tell her. The rumor mill might twist it up. If you feel this badly & were honest with her, you did the right thing. If she can't forgive you, it's better she leaves. You would be already guilt ridden & but could learn from it.

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 29-35

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just shutup and stop being a silly prick.

- Response by duggers, A Guy Critical, Male, 66 or older

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Hmmn, was there more than a mere attraction to the extend of just kissing? I would well believed and imagined that some flirtation is going on before the kissing. Well, I am not saying that flirtations is wrong, but its wrong when you are going to tell it to your gf and that obviously its not right for you to do it.

Its temptations that you are unable to hold here and its really difficult to believe there is no part 2. Anyway, if you are going to tell her, then you will need to prepare a very good explanation in allowing this temptation to go this far and possibly further.

- Response by A Creative, Female, 29-35, Auckland

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Hmmn, was there more than a mere attraction to the extend of just kissing? I would well believed and imagined that some flirtation is going on before the kissing. Well, I am not saying that flirtations is wrong, but its wrong when you are going to tell it to your gf and that obviously its not right for you to do it.

Its temptations that you are unable to hold here and its really difficult to believe there is no part 2. Anyway, if you are going to tell her, then you will need to prepare a very good explanation in allowing this temptation to go this far and possibly further.

- Response by A Creative, Female, 29-35, Auckland

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