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Active Questions

When a woman says she has not been sexually active for X years, what does that mean?
Sex & Intimacy / 5:26 PM - Friday September 17, 2010

When a woman says she has not been sexually active for X years, what does that mean?

a) Just hasnt found Mr. Right yet
b) She is exploring her attraction for women
c) Has other medical issues that squelch her sexual desires (depression, other illnesses)
d) Got burned really bad by former boyfriend
e) She has joined a convent
NOTE: This is a serious question. Thanks.

Update: September 17, 2010.
So many great responses to this question! Thank you all.

- Asked by betterbird, A Creative, Male, 46-55, San Francisco, Administrative

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I would find it weird that a woman (or man for that matter) would not be sexually active for a long period of time. I would think that if they were half decent looking, they'd at least have a romp or two even if they didn't find a suitable partner in life to date.
but I suppose if a person hasn't found a person they can date, and they aren't into casual sex, they would go sexless for as long as it took to date someone. some people just let that part of themselves die for a while until they find a person.
I personally could not do that. but I guess some people do that.

- Response by fondacox, A Trendsetter, Female, 36-45

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Believe it or not, not all women wanna have sex for the sake of having sex.

There are (gasp!) actually women out there that will only have sex with the confines of a commited relationship.

If they ain't got a man? Then they ain't havin' sex. And no, they're not gonna GET a man just because they're horny.

That's why they make vibrators.

- Response by hnygrl, A Career Woman, Female, 46-55, Managerial

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Community Rating: Community Star

Maybe she took time out to step back and explore why she had a bad experience in the past, and she wanted to make sure she did not make the same choices in the future. Since she was with the wrong one before, maybe she wants to be sure the next one is the right one. So I pick number one.

- Response by dreamdancer, A Creative, Female, 36-45, Houston, Other Profession

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all of the above and a hundred more options as well.

- Response by nitely1, A Hippie Chick, Female, 29-35

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not sexually active does not mean no sex.

it means she hasn't been seeing any one person regularly that she will admit to, rust me she's still having sex as much as she wants.

- Response by A Life of the Party, Male, 29-35, Who Cares?

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Where I have lived and where I am from generally it means she has not been sexually active. That is she has not had a partner, has not been actively searching or seeking, or even open to a causl fling.

A number of women that I know like this do have a dear friend called a vibrator. A smaller number do not even have a relationship with their vibrator.

Nothing wrong with them they just have not been sexually active. There are as many reasons as there grains of sands.

- Response by archerchef, A Player, Male, 56-65, Vienna, Who Cares?

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either A,C,or D

- Response by le_gem735713, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Miami, Who Cares?

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In my case it's a combination of factors. I don't handle sex outside a relationship well - I have a hard time separating emotions from sex - so I avoid casual sex. In fact, the couple times I've had sexual experiences outside of a relationship, it hasn't been as good for me. I just enjoy sex more and have more orgasms when I trust the person I'm having sex with. Plus with the risks of unplanned pregnancy and STDs, even with religious use of condoms, I'm just not willing to get into casual sex. Since I haven't found anybody worth building a relationship with in a couple years, I just haven't had sex. I'm not exploring an attraction to women, I'm in good health, I've long since dealt with my ex issues, and I'm not even remotely interested in joining a convent. I do however, go through a lot of batteries ;)

- Response by 23rosess, A Hippie Chick, Female, 29-35, Medical / Dental

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I've known a few women like this. One used to be a client of mine. After a few failed romances, they take on a Victim Chick persona and retire into celibacy, while their other women friends stand guard to keep away prospective males.

- Response by chesterdad, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 66 or older, San Francisco

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a) and she is waiting until she does

- Response by hulagirl55, A Sportif, Female, Who Cares?, Who Cares?

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Just because a Woman hasn't had sex in a number of years, doesn't mean there is something wrong with her. I just recently had sex after being celibate for a year. The reason, I wasn't interested until now.

- Response by elizabethmom05, A Cool Mom, Female, 36-45, Tampa, Retail

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I'm with Wolfie on this one. A woman who is traumatically widowed, that can do it. It happened to me.

- Response by watbuttondoipush, An Alternative Girl, Female, 36-45, Financial / Banking

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I would say either, letter a or d... Usually. It could be all of them though lol. Depends.

- Response by mel01234, A Creative, Female, 22-25, Toronto, Medical / Dental

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My dry spells (some long) were due to A and/or D. The longest was due to D. I hated my ex for doing what he did so getting back together was not going to happen, but I didn't want anyone else either. With that attitude, I didn't really find a Mr. Right Now either. As my hurt and anger faded and I found redeeming qualities in other men, I finally dived back in again, in baby steps.

- Response by A Married Girl, Female, 36-45, Los Angeles, Other Profession

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I think it could a number of things. I can personally attest to having a. c. and d. in the past

But I have found my Mr. Right now! :)

- Response by christinfusion22, A Hippie Chick, Female, 29-35, Who Cares?

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What removes us from ANIMALS is our ability to exercise our WILL. I grew past the desire to have sex, merely to have physical contact with the opposite sex.

How many different ways can you do it? After a while, you decide that unless you are IN LOVE with someone, you will not be in anyone's bed.

I had not been with anyone from 1989 to 2000 when I got married. I was working a lot and actually experienced the most exciting time of my work career. I did not meet anyone that I wanted to sleep with.

Then I got married and one year after, he was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer. He immediately had surgery and then chemo and it rendered him unable to have sex again, until he died in 2006.

It has now been since 3006 for me and I did not dry up and wither away. When I finally lay down again, it will truly MEAN something. I am very particular who I allow into my body.

- Response by randyl, A Thinker, Female, Who Cares?, Technical

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She has a vibrator.. LOL

- Response by berri, A Career Woman, Female, 46-55, New South Wales, Who Cares?

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