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When has family overstayed their welcome?
Family & Parenting / 4:49 PM - Sunday September 05, 2010

When has family overstayed their welcome?

My boyfriend and I have been dating almost 8 years, and last year I pressured him into buying a home. I thought it was great idea since he didn't like living in my home, and I felt he wanted to be closer to work, family, and such. We have been in the home over a year now, and after a few months his sister and four kids started staying every other weekend with us when it was her turn to have visitation of her boys. Not to mention, my broter who works in town but lives out of town also stays with us 3-4 days a week. Its a 4 bedroom 2 bath house and we have a roommate. The office becomes the girls room with pop up play pins, and the guest room is for my brother since he has work, so the sister and her two boys sleep on the floor in the front room, or will get the bed if my brother is not over. Long story short....Our house is crazy full of people and me and bf argue each time his sis and kids show up. I love our family members to death, but I feel like we can't live our lives if we are so involved in theirs??? Am I crazy?

Update: September 06, 2010.
So me and the boyfriend sorta talked last night. Me doing all the talking and him listening. He said he feels the same way, but what can we do. I mentioned to him that our lives are being out on hold as play host/hostess of the house. Plus, we can never entertain real guests since our house is always packed with family? I am going out of town for a couple days to look for a job and really think of a plan of action for all this. I hope when I return he has thought about things we discussed too! I am praying for an end to chaos soon!!! Thanks again everyone =)

- Asked by coco823, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Transportation

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Wow...I love my family too, but that would put a huge strain on ME...let alone me and a partner...sigh.

I suggest you and your boyfriend talk it over, and figure out just how much you can deal with...and limit both of your relatives to that.

Your bro isn't entitled to live off you 3-4 days a week, and your bf's sis isn't entitled to your space, when she has her kids...they need to figure out their own lives and accomodations.

Your home could be a nice visisting spot, but not an every week, or every other week crashing pad... nope.

Figure out and set your boundries...and stick to them! Good luck!

- Response by mamom04, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 56-65, Phoenix

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ALL the relatives need to go, NOW !! And STAY GONE !!!

I see several problems tho...
My boyfriend-
I pressured him into buying a home-
we have a roommate-
me and bf argue each time-

You not being married takes away some of the weight of your input.
If he wants to be a prick, he can say the 'its my house... BS.'
That could also bring on the 'if you dont like it you can leave' speach.
Honestly tho, does he like living like white trash with all the random drop ins staying over? As I read this, "he didn't like living in my home," the move was to get some privacy so the 2 of you to get on with your life together. Apparently, he sees that as a void and allowed the dropins to repopulate his/your house. That is just wrong on so many fronts for a relationships success....

So, No, You are NOT crazy....
The question is, how far are you willing to go to fix this?




- Response by singledad281, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 46-55, Houston, Hospitality

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I'd kick the relatives to the curb. It's your house, not a daycare center or a hotel. You're not there to be a place to stay while someone is having visitation time. Once in a while, sure. Every time, for days at a time? No.

- Response by istillhatescrennames, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 66 or older

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It's time to make a REASONABLE visiting schedule for these people!

If his sister is bringing her kids to YOUR house, when does SHE visit with them?? Is your brother paying rent?

Our house was like that when my ex's business office was one of our bedrooms: he had five employees coming and going 24/7 (not to mention robbing us blind and eating every scrap of food around!).

Take back your home!

- Response by buffalothighs88, A Hippie Chick, Female, 56-65, Other Profession

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You can hardly complain about his sister every other weekend when your brother is there most of the time. Why do you fight then? The two of you need to learn to set boundaries with both your families and make each other a priority. You should lose the roomate and make your brother the roommate who pays rent, or he should go. His sister could limit her visits to once a month or totally make other arrangements. How was she allowed visitation if she has no where else to take the kids?

- Response by maryea, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Retired

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ALL relativesneed to be told to make other arrangements e;sewhere. They are very intrusive people to take advantage of you like that! You must remember they would not be doing it if you didn't allow them to! House rules are needed. Everyone goes except the roommate, he probably pays rent! Be firm, these people are ruining your life! Tell them, they think they are welcome there...wrong!

- Response by lacey07, A Life of the Party, Female, Who Cares?, Other Profession

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It is time to CLEAN HOUSE! His sister and the four kids GO! And, your brother should not be there either; and especially! Who started that?

Have your boyfriend tell his sister and you tell your brother: We are attempting to get serious here and put our personal lives in order. We cannot do that, with all of the chaos and craziness, all these people create.

There is nothing wrong with asking for you privacy. You have a roommate as it is. That is hard enough to handle.

But, unless your boyfriend is on the same page, it will never happen.

- Response by randyl, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Los Angeles, Who Cares?

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You have to keep in mind that both of you are doing a wonderful thing for his sister and your brother at a time of need,but there comes a time that they need to step up and grow up.You and your boyfriend need to sit and have a talk with both of them and give them a time limit of when this is all going to end or you and he will never make it to the alter.Family can be a big strain on a relationship.Politely state that neither of you would mind if they stay for a visit 1 weekend a year.

- Response by clorise7, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Fashion

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Tell your B/F all he moochers begone or I am gone. D

- Response by duggers, A Guy Critical, Male, 66 or older

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