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"Men are less likely to marry women who are smarter." Thoughts? A GUY said this the other day.
Dating / 8:58 AM - Friday September 03, 2010

"Men are less likely to marry women who are smarter." Thoughts? A GUY said this the other day.

The other day, a guy at happy hour said that, "because of socialization or an innate tendencies, men are less likely to marry women who are smarter." His reasoning is that men have an overall desire to control and dominate, and that a more intelligent woman may prevent this. So the man consciously or unconsciously will prefer a less smart partner. I was with my boyfriend and we laughed b/c he tells me all the time that he finds my intelligence sexy. Still, I found this guy's perspective interesting. I'm not saying he's right, or I agree. But, I'm curious at what others think. Thoughts?


- Asked by neosoulist, A Trendsetter, Female, 29-35

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I've had some experience on both ends of this. I am extremely intelligent, highly educated and an attorney. I spent years trying to downplay those things when I was out with non-lawyers. I finally dated a co-worker figuring it shouldn't be an issue with him, but it was. He felt competitive with me. He ended up marrying someone clearly less intelligent. That was the bad experience. I ended up marrying someone who was not as bright or career-motivated. However, he has qualities I lack - he is very athletic, the person you want around in a crisis and is very social. He is also an excellent father. I am very lucky to be with him and he is not threatened by me in the slightest.

- Response by A Married Girl, Female, 36-45, Los Angeles, Other Profession

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For me, I won't even consider marrying a woman unless she is smart!
Stupid women (and stupid people in general) get on my nerves, I can't have a decent, thoughtful conversation with them, I can't rely on them to help me get important things done, etc.
For me, I want an intelligent woman!

- Response by andrewj5267, A Guy Critical, Male, 36-45, Miami, Teaching

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That could be a valid statement for some men..I think most want someone at there intellect level..Men who truely respect a Woman encourage Our good qualities in everyway..Smile!

- Response by cjs1991, A Creative, Female, 46-55, Teaching

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I think the guy who said that was not very smart himself and is threatened by anyone who is.

Sounds like you have a "keeper" in your boyfriend.

I agree, intelligence can be very sexy .. at least that's what I find in a man.

There are some people (men and women) who enjoy controlling people and situations ... that doesn't come from being intelligent rather from being insecure.

This is just another silly stereotype in my opinion.

Interesting question.

- Response by mrscleaver16, A Married Girl, Female, 66 or older

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That's rediculous!

Most men know that smart women can wash dishes better than the less intelligent women. Duh.

- Response by kungfudewd, A Career Man, Male, 36-45, Who Cares?

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I don't think "smart" has nearly as much to do with attraction, one way or the other, as much as what one does with it. I know smart people, successful people, and people with more education than they know what to do with. Some you wouldn't have a clue about untill you realy get to know them, others its the first thing they point out.

When someone uses "smart" to project an image of better than everyone else, Yes, its a turn off. I don't care if its a man or woman. When "smart" people keep that their business and don't thrive on making it mine they are as attrictive as your bf finds you.

- Response by fluff47, A Father Figure, Male, 56-65, Self-Employed

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I suppose that if a guy really feels inadequate around such a woman, to the point that he is uncomfortable around women like that, then I suppose there's not likely to be a love connection between those people. That also assumes that such a woman would even fall for a dumb guy.

But, first, it's never a good idea to generalize about anyone (men, women, the races, etc.) because everyone is different and some people revel in NOT bearing out a silly stereotype.

Everyone has things they look for in a mate. I'd be happy wioth a smart woman. Who's smarter is , first, a sily question to ask (how will you know for sure) and second, has little to do with compatibility. Unless the guy really has a hang-up about it.

- Response by mikehug, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 46-55, Cleveland

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My wife is smarter than me and I have no problem saying it.

- Response by newnumbersguy32, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 36-45, Financial / Banking

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Maybe drunkards & bottom feeders like stupid women because they lack the social skills to get a smart woman interested them..

But if his statement is true, less & less men are proposing to their woman..why, because the vast majority of us are smarter?

- Response by jillopo, An Alternative Girl, Female, 29-35

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most of the 'smart' woman know this and act dumb/helpless.. you know the whole helpless girl act... "oh can you help me open this jar" lol

This is why men don't marry smart woman cause they feel useless.

- Response by A Creative, Male, 29-35, Vancouver, Technical

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I once dated a woman who was a genuine genius, 150+ IQ. She looked like Cher Bono's prettier twin sister, and she once competed in women's power lifting. Her voice was to die for, too.
I would've married her, if I could.

- Response by chesterdad, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 56-65, San Francisco

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Well, what does that idiot want? ANOTHER idiot?

- Response by A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 46-55, Who Cares?

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I have to strongly disagree with that statement. I wouldn't want to date a woman who wasn't as smart or smarter than me. I really need someone who can engage me in conversation. If they can't I would probably disappear fast. The problem with someone who is not on the same intelligence level as their mate is they often will be taken advantage of. This would not make for a healthy relationship. Now if you replace the words control and dominate with protect and respect then that would be a winner.
I think women who use the excuse that men are intimidated by them because they are smart or make a lot of money are selling themselves short. I've date women who are doctors and lawyers and the problem I've seen is that these women throw how much money they make in their mates face all the time. It doesn't impress me. I make pretty good money myself and don't want her money.

- Response by rjack90, A Career Man, Male, 36-45, Science / Engineering

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True to some degree, depending on the level of security that the guy feels.

Just as women don't want a man that is more emotional than they are, men often don't want a woman that is smarter than he is. That doesn't mean that a woman automatically has to be dumb though. Men want to be able to teach a woman things and also, women who think they're so smart often come to the relationship as if it's the woman's job to "educate" the man, which is something that men can't stand because while women ARE open to unsolicited advice, opinions and help, considering it to be "receiving love".. most men certainly are NOT.

So women who think they're smart or educated often have a much greater predilection to constantly giving a man they're opinions and 2 cents when he does not want it at all and in fact, is often very insulting to him. This is because when a man tells another man something obvious and something he didn't ask for, every man knows that the only reason a man does this most of the time is because he considers the other guy to be ignorant or stupid and thus, this is a great insult.

- Response by richsifu, A Rebel, Male, 46-55, Science / Engineering

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I think most guys feel that way, if they are honest with themselves. Not that they want a "stupid" woman, just not a woman who is more intelligent than they are. And to be honest, I REALLY want to be with a man who is more intelligent than me- or atleast who has a different skill set than me and can teach me things. I think it is only human to want to "admire" or "look up to" your mate for somethings (but admittedly, this is really difficult as an 'intelligent' woman).

- Response by kamilah, A Trendsetter, Female, 29-35, Tampa, Political / Government

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Interesting. I guess this would apply to *some* men, mostly those who are insecure and competitive. Secure, emotionally mature men wouldn't let it bother them I would imagine.

- Response by sunset77, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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"smarter" than what or whom??

I would ONLY consider dating or marrying a woman who was smarter than most of my friends - "Oh PLEASE G-d, please let her be smarter than my friends!"

But smarter than me? I dunno, I haven't met any women recently who I'd consider "smarter" than I am... I'm an attorney, and most of the attorneys I meet are absolute idiots, or not women who'd I consider as any type of "partner" for reasons other than intelligence.

Better at something than me? Sure, that'd be great..

Less talkative than me? Yeah, but is there such a women who is also intelligent??

Smarter? Sorry, I honestly couldn't say.



- Response by A Career Man, Male, 36-45

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