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How do you leave a "good marriage?"
Married Life / 7:53 PM - Friday August 20, 2010

How do you leave a "good marriage?"

I've changed as a person. I want to own a house, work, take vacations, get out of debt, and start being social. He seems content to just work, day in, day out. He never sees friends. Last summer, I was so fed up, I didn't talk to him. That meant, there was no conversation for 2 weeks! I've been lonely emotionally and physcially. But everyone keeps saying, "But he's a good guy." True enough! But not for me anymore. Life is to short to be unhappy for so long.

- Asked by Female, 36-45

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Two good people don't necessarily make a good marriage, unfortunately. You are not happy and there is no other loneliness like that of being right there with someone and feeling alone. Being truly alone can be a better option just by itself because the resentment goes away.

- Response by maryea, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Retired

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that's ridiculous. that's commiting suicide slowly. tell him how you feel and see if he's willing to change. if not, you go girl! i know because that's exactly what i did!

- Response by imissit, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 66 or older, Who Cares?

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This is a tough question. Sometimes people change in marriages or "out grow" eachother but there must have been something you liked about him when you got married. Ask yourself when and why things started to change.
Tell him before you make any drastic decisions that you are unhappy. Make sure to include how important this is to you and how bad it could be if nothing changes.
If you're not happy maybe the answer is fixing yourself first. Most people make big plans concerning major life changes and don't follow through.
The first step is changing yourself. You will find out if he improves with you and you can base your decision on that.
The grass is not always greener...

- Response by topsalesgal, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Self-Employed

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I think you tried and he might not even try to change until you leave. If he chases you after you leave than maybe you two can work it out if not he not worth it!! Man like the chase!!

- Response by A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 29-35, Milwaukee, Food Service

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You don't leave a "good marriage",
you work at it! The first thing,
and most Important thing, is Communication!
After that, you "both" need to start focusing
on "one thing at a time". Maybe you could start
with going out on a date, just you & him.
Then start working on all your other situations.
If he doesn't want to do "anything", then start
doing things on your own first. After you get
the ball rolling, he will see that your moving
on with your life, and if he wants to be a part
of it, he will step up. If he still doesn't do
anything to help improve the marriage, then at
that time you "really" need to see a marriage
counselor. Good Luck!

- Response by helpful5714, A Thinker, Female, Who Cares?, Self-Employed

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If it really is a good marriage you should be working together to own a home and have a good life.

- Response by greenwind, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 56-65, Construction

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Simple answer - you don't.

People don't leave "good" marriages, they WORK ON THEM.
Otherwise they are not so "good" and worth the time and effort.

As to your specific instance - your hubby needs a kick in the butt. A lot of us become complacent after marriage - the chase was nice, but after we catch you, then what?

Enroll the two of you in a joint activity - try dance, or kick boxing. Something with some physicality and a little challenge in either the intellectual or physical realm, preferably both.

Otherwise you're just quitting ... and if it's a "good" marriage, it's wrong to quit. So either bear down and get busy and get him involved, or admit that it's not a 'good marriage,' and *then* you can quit it.

- Response by A Career Man, Male, 36-45

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You don't leave a 'good marriage'. You just have to make some adjustments and do whatever it is within the limits of marriage to fill your heart so you're not lonely. His working shouldn't stop you from being sociable. Contentment, happiness, and loneliness are emotional states of mind and these emotions are not trustworthy, so just rely on your facts of the matter, and you'll soon find you won't be unhappy.
Physical aspects of life are usually financial, but are not always as satisfying compared to having less worries. Physical intimacy is irresistible for a happy man to pass up. If it were me, I'd work on changing me & remembering why I fell in love with my hb & get back to myself.
If you want to be the changed person you are now, unhappy, you may find yourself over time repeating the same patterns.
Be wise, Be content, Be happy!!!

- Response by A Thinker, Female, Who Cares?

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People change and so does their vision for life and when this happens they leave some people behind. It's unfortunate perhaps but it does mean that otherwise "good" people may no longer have the same vision for life and that they need to go their seperate ways. It's for the health and well-being of at least one partner that they honor who they realize they are. I am not the same person I was in my late twenties either. I care less about what other people think I should do and how they think I should behave...they don't have to live my life...they haven't had to put up with the financial irresponsibility that all but killed my I get have new goals and new ideas about how you want to live and your current partner is content to have it stay the way it's time to fly.

- Response by joybird, A Creative, Female, Who Cares?, Therapist

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"How do you leave a "good marriage?""

You put one foot in front of the other and repeat...

- Response by randyl, A Thinker, Female, Who Cares?, Technical

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