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I have been dating my boyfriend for 5 years, will he ever propose?
Married Life / 5:05 PM - Thursday August 19, 2010

I have been dating my boyfriend for 5 years, will he ever propose?

I have been dating my boyfriend for a little over 5 years and we have lived together for 3 years. We are both 26 years old with successful, well paid jobs and live pretty stable lives. We never talked about marriage a lot, because I have never been someone who wanted to get married really young. However about a year ago it finally came up and he confessed that he is scared to get married. He also couldn't tell me that he thought I was the one for him. He just said he is committed and happy RIGHT NOW, that he wants to be 100% sure about marriage, etc.... It worried me a little, but I dropped it. Well it just came time to sign our fourth lease together, and I figured it was a good time to bring it up again. It's been a year since we last talked about it and I don't want to continue signing leases with him if he doesn't see it going anywhere. So he said the same things...that he is scared of marriage, he doesn't know yet if he wants to marry me, he thinks of marriage as joining of assets, rushing children, etc... and it makes him nervous. Well the main problem is - it's fine if he doesn't want to get married right now, but after 5 years with someone and 3 years living together I would at least like to know that I am the one for him. And that he sees marriage somewhere in our future, even if it's not for while. So now I am stuck. Everything else is great in our relationship, so it's hard to just walk away. I also have recently heard from some mutual friends that he has been flirting a lot with girls when he goes out with friends. And a mutual guy friend (who I was friends with first, who is married) told me my boyfriend asked him "do you ever wonder what it would be like to be single?" I don't know if it's just people starting drama, but it worries me a lot.

Any advice from women who have been there would be very helpful. I don't want to end up 30, and then he breaks up with me, and I have spent the last 7 years of my life in a dead end relationship. If he really wanted me to marry me EVER, wouldn't he know by now??

- Asked by A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Financial / Banking

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you have been together longer than most marriages.i have been engaged for 4 yrs and dragging my feet about setting a date. scared of a nasty divorse and a ivision of assets. he quit bugging me to set a date as I told him he could walk if he nagged about it.

thus far, we are still happy, living apart and dating. we do not sign for any agreements jointly.

one day your bf probably will want to marry you. he has probably known of bitter, expensive divorces. remember not all marriages end hapily ever after.

many see it as being owned , like a piece of property.If he wasnt happy he wouldnt be with you. and since marriage is important to you. and i respect that] this could end the relationship and u choose to find a marriage minded guy, good luck

- Response by A Thinker, Female, Who Cares?, Chicago

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I guess you have to ask yourself how important marriage is to you. Is what you have now worth the risk of wasting seven years of your life? I personally think he's never going to ask you if he hasn't yet.

- Response by mrsgarrett, A Life of the Party, Female, 66 or older, Teaching

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I am in the same boat as you, kind of. I have been married and have been divorced for 10 years. I am 42. I have been with my man for going on 5 years. At first we talked about getting married but he is bitter about marriage and told me after 3 years he doesn't want to get married yet. I told him I would give him a little time but its been 5 years now and I don't see spending time with someone who doesn't want to make a commitment. If you live with him for too long it's just going to make it harder. My situation is we don't want kids & His family treats me like part of the family and all of friends love me. He in my eyes has become comfortable with the way things are. I have decided,this year is my last year living with him. I am getting older and I want someone to grow old with and be settled and not worry about things like because it's his house if something would happen I would be on the street. I want a sense of security and commitment that most people want. I want some kind of decision or I am moving out this year and I will still see him if he wants but I am not going to play being married any more. I'm getting my own place. Not necessarily breaking up but moving on to my own space to see if he notices what he will be missing and if he doesn't than I will know and move on all together.

- Response by A Trendsetter, Female, 36-45, Philadelphia

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I read your post and just saw that you posted it back in 2010. I am wondering if you ever married your boyfriend or are still living together. If the latter is true, I would say at this point he will NEVER marry you. When two people live together without benefit of marriage, the guy gets what he wants most--which is sex--and the woman does NOT get what she wants--the blessing of being married. If you see this I would love to hear from you and see just where you are 3 years after your originally posted this question.

- Response by jubill1968, A Married Girl, Female, 66 or older

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