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Man has NO male friends: Red flag?
Dating / 4:46 PM - Sunday August 15, 2010

Man has NO male friends: Red flag?

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. I moved from NY to FL to be near him 6 months ago. I love Florida! We have talked of marriage and kids. He has no living relatives and really wants a child. We live separate for now. My girlfriends and I went out for dinner cruise this past Friday night, and the topic of his friends came up. Someone asked me what I thought of his friends, and I said from the few I have met, they were great. But, then another pointed out that they thought it was strange that ALL of his friends are female. And very young. I don't have a problem with that either, I said. I tried changing the topic, but they continued on for quite a bit on their own.

I am 42 and He is 61. Again, no issues with the age range here--we are really truly compatible in so many ways. But then I thought as I was sitting there, how many men ONLY have female friends, and they are all young enough to be grand daughters??? (he does not have any children, yet) Again they continued on about how that was not "normal." They insinuated that he is most likely sleeping with them. THAT upset me. They said they were kidding, but...I left early.

I guess I never thought about it before, but now I wonder WHY a man his age would have NO male friends-not even one, and only very young girls (21-25 seems the age range)....most are bar-girls, waitresses or their friends. Again no issues from me before. He has said before in passing, though, now that I think about it, numerous comments about their "hot bodies..." and "how he wishes he was 40 years younger," or "wow she really knows how to wear that tiny bikini!" Informational: of about the 50+ girls, NOT ONE of them is below what I would call "model material," an 8 out of 10 beauty scale and none are larger than size 4. Tall, slim and long hair. All of them. This is Florida, and they work at jobs where bikinis and LESS are the work wear: bars, restaurants, beach & boating type events, etc.

I never really paid attention until my girlfriends pointed it out and how they thought it was bizarre. After my girlfriends asked questions about who they were, what they did and why they call my BF, etc.. I began to wonder if I am the only one that has not seen this? True, I shrug off his comments about the "hot bodies, etc" and trust him because I love him.

Now, I am wondering "why I am even in the picture---perhaps because none of them would have sex with him" (a comment from Lucy at the dinner)?? He does seem to run when they call, and sometimes I am left waiting or what I would call, placed on the back burner as they seem to be a priority to him at times. Again my trust and honesty and love with him are enough for me, but now they are making me feel like I am closing my eyes while something else is going on. My GF are now questioning why I am not seeing this as a huge red flag. They think I am being taken advantage of.

Why would a man NOT have even one male friend? Not even one? He is well liked by his neighbors and at his job, he works at NASA, so most of his co-workers are men. Am I being too naive or am I just too gullible and not seeing this?

- Asked by Female, 36-45

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If he's a typical NASA engineer, he's a big nerd, and his guy friends are probably the types of people he chats with at work or at lunch, but they have families and kids and so he doesn't see them after work.

He's lonely and in that part of Florida, the easiest women to meet are the bar girls and waitresses, and since he was probably a nerd all his life those types of gorgeous women never spoke to him when he was 20, so now he finds it a turn-on that they will notice him.

None of this means he will cheat on you or treat you badly BUT it means you need to slow things down and watch what he does more closely.

What bothers me more than his having young women as friends is how he treats you - if he is in love with you, he shouldn't neglect you for a young woman. Play a little bit hard to get and see if he chases you a bit more. If that happens, it may ease your mind that he really is in love with you...

So, I guess my conclusion - your friends have pointed out some warning signs. It doesn't necessarily mean there is trouble, but it's worth investigating.

- Response by curvysmartgirl, A Creative, Female, 36-45, Dallas, Artist / Musician / Writer

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Maybe it's because he's gay and the only way to hide it never to be seen with other men.

Maybe it's because he spends all day with men and prefers to be around women.

- Response by buffalothighs88, A Hippie Chick, Female, 56-65, Other Profession

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Community Rating: Community Star

As a rule, I would never answer a question like yours. But, I do see red flags here as well. I do not think your friends are wrong in questioning your situation.

He's getting his jollies with very young women and you're the "also-ran" who can be depended upon...

Obviously, where you two go there must be gals working in teeny bikinis, but in the real world of Florida, women dress for work much much as they do up north. Except they don't always wear seasonal clothes.

I'm sure along the beaches of South Beach in Miami and Ft. Lauderdale beaches, the same round-up of young cuties in next-to-no clothes are in all those beachfront bars.

However, I'm not exposed to this. Though I'm sure it exists.

If he works for NASA, he must do well financially, and thinks he's "The Man." And these little twits that work the bars, who he probably tips well, keep his ego lit up. It's not normal that he has no male friends to bowl with, golf with or even have a night out with.

If you're happy with the arrangement and it doesn't bother you, I wouldn't start shifting gears. If it makes you wonder, then maybe you should. It's your life and your happiness that counts.

- Response by pushkins, A Thinker, Female, 66 or older, Miami, Who Cares?

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Are you sure the girls you had dinner with are your friends? They sound horrible. Your questions are valid ones but you should not let others twist your whole view of this man. You need to talk to him about it and find out why he never socializes with or introduces you to any but his bar scene groupies.

- Response by maryea, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, New York, Retired

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Rule of Thumb - If csg responds to anything you post, you can bank on it being good information which should be.....if not followed......then very closely considered.

- Response by namebecarl, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 36-45, Oostende

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....better check his freezer.....he's probably got 'em in there.

..that's where most old guys end up putting their friends.

- Response by namebecarl, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 36-45, Oostende

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