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My girlfriend is never happy. She always finds a reason to complain or nag me. What's the deal?
Sex & Intimacy / 9:20 PM - Friday August 06, 2010

My girlfriend is never happy. She always finds a reason to complain or nag me. What's the deal?

I have been dating my girlfriend for roughly a year and a half now. When I was living at my Mother's house, everything was fine, there were never any issues.

We decided recently to move in together since she was always staying at my house anyways (5 of the 7 days a week). Since then, things have gone down hill.

We fight almost every single day. And by "we fight" I mean she finds a reason to get upset or angry with me and yells at me constantly. I've asked her multiple times what is wrong, or what has changed to make her so upset, but the only thing she ever tells me is, "I don't know".

I can't seem to do anything right. She complains that we spend too much time together (We work at the same place on the same shift), she even complained we have too many days off together. But then when I don't spend time with her, she complains I am ignoring her.

She has recently went on a character assassination of myself, stating that I never listen to her and that I am act too immature. The biggest problem I have with these claims is I always notice when she is upset and ask her to talk about it and she refuses to. She also knew who I was and my attitude towards life even before we started dating. She has only recently started to have a problem with it. I have been trying my best not to annoy of frustrate her, but there are so many things that set her off lately it's hard to do.

A good example is, I spent the entire day with her yesterday, we paid our bills, we went grocery shopping, we watched her niece and then we spent the rest of the night with friends at a local town fair. It was a perfect night. The next day, she spent the entire day with one of her friends. She laid down to go to sleep and asked me if I was going to go to sleep too and I told her "in a little bit". Suddenly she was pissed off and not talking to me because I am ignoring her and wouldn't lay down to go to sleep.

Like everyone else, I have my own personality quirks, I won't deny that. What is frustrating is that she will yell at me about something and then turn around and do the exact same thing. It's this two-faced attitude that has really got me upset. I feel like she is purposely doing this, like she is trying to make me break up with her.

when I try to talk to her about these issues, she either locks up and won't talk, or she says she doesn't know what is wrong, or she says it is my fault because I want to have these conversations. I have been trying my best to be a good boyfriend, but she is bringing me to the breaking point. My stress levels are through the roof.

I don't like fights and I don't like conflict and she is causing this on a daily basis. She is forcing me to seriously reconsider my relationship with her. I can't even find her sexually attractive right now because she has me so aggravated and upset.

We have been through rough patches before in our relationship, we were even broken up for awhile. At that time she did everything in her power to try and get us back together. We have come a long way in the short year and a half together and I'd hate to throw it away, but I am at wits end with her behavior. I have tried my best to have an adult conversation with her to try and work out our problems and difficulties, but she refuses every time. All I ever wanted was a little self control, understanding and common courtesy and I can't seem to get it.



Update: August 08, 2010.
A few days ago I sat down with her and explained to her I was very unhappy with the way she had been acting lately and how her behavior was unacceptable. I explained to her that if she continued to show me constant disrespect and rudeness I would be forced to move out. She seemed upset and sincere when she apologized and then the next few days were very good. I spent the day helping a friend move out of his old house and then my girlfriend and I spent the day at some local festivities. Today I somehow managed to get conned into helping her and her mother clean up some property they had in another area. I was a little grouchy about it, but I helped them anyways. The day moved on very smoothly. When we got home I was sitting in my chair and she had a glass of something, I simply asked her, "Hey Honey, what you drinking?" her response, "What does it look like?!" in a very rude and angry tone. I was surprised, I said, "Thank you for being so rude." and went back to watching TV. About half an hour later I went into the bedroom where she was watching TV. The whole event was already done and gone in my mind. I went to give her a kiss before I went to bed and she pushed me away and told me not to bother her. I asked her what was wrong, she responded, "You got so angry with me because I wouldn't tell you what I was drinking!" I was dumbfounded. Seriously? I never yelled at her or raise her voice, I simply asked her what she was drinking. It started a fight again, I told her the way she was acting was unreasonable, now and about how I asked her what she was drinking and that no reasonable person would get upset had I asked them what they were drinking. She started in with the whole, "Of course it's all my fault, it's always my fault." And I simply told her, "Yes it is, you are the one starting the fights, you are the one showing me no courtesy and respect." I told her she needed to stop this behavior and stop it now or I was moving out ASAP. She simply rolled over and ignored me. I am currently discussing living arrangements with a friend of mine who has an open room available.

- Asked by A Couch Potato, Male, 29-35

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Since you began living together she is showing her true personality. You know now how she will be in the future should you marry. Is this what you want the rest of your life to be like? Better to cut your losses now and get on with your life without her. Don't give in and let her talk you into taking her back next time. Be true to yourself! Good luck!

- Response by lacey07, A Life of the Party, Female, Who Cares?, Other Profession

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She wanted to live at your Mom's house and get a free ride.

- Response by fehkarfight, A Couch Potato, Male, 56-65, Who Cares?

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For some reason only she knows, she is sabotaging this relationship. And if she "really" doesn't know, she needs to see a psychologist to figure it out. And if that is the case, she shouldn't be in a relationship until she gets her shit together and stops taking it out on others, like you.

What you need to do is leave the relationship until she can treat you the right way and stop taking her "issues" out on you now you two have shacked-up together. And whatever you do, don't knock her up cause that will really wreck your life if it is found she is NOT the one for you after all. She can't have it both ways expecting you to be around for her all the time; doing everything SHE wants, yet complains that you're around her too much; and gets mad when you are your own person. This is what causes relationships to implode.

Good luck to you

- Response by msadvise, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Transportation

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Women are naturally wired this way (for some odd reason) just as men have some 'undesirable wiring.'

I try to be conscientious of this as a tenancy and I work hard to appreciate that my boyfriend (and other people) are good to me. I'm also not that hard to please, as I've grown up with very little and therefore, I expect much less than those who grew up with everything they wanted and needed.

I guess the point is that - she will need to be able to see for herself that this is a problem somehow, and just remember that she has a lot of good things to be grateful for - probably in you and a lot of other things.

You'll need to find a way to get this across to her without her feeling offended. You know her best. =-)


- Response by cutypy5840, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Medical / Dental

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I just hate to say this but I think shes just finding reason to break up with you or she got mental issues some sort of bipolar tendencies (sorry for going OTT on my observations). Seems for her age its quite unusual to have swing moods...very uncommon..not unless she got some problems that she cant talk to you about and thats the reason for her attitude...but I can not really see it much than what I mentioned..give yourself and break and enjoy life while you can :)

- Response by asianlovely13, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, London, Managerial

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G-Spot Orgasm.

She'll be your loving little kitten.

- Response by A Guy Critical, Male, 46-55, Celebrity

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She sounds like a case of Borderline Personality Disorder. Men can develop this, but it's mainly a female issue.

- Response by chesterdad, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 56-65, San Francisco

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It sounds like she's unhappy.

If you really want to fix this, ask her to carry a pen and some paper around and make a list of things that she would prefer you not to do and a list of things she would like you to do. Tell her you will do / not do them to the best of your ability and mean it.

If you put someone on the spot when she can't articulate what she wants, that annoys the person. If you give her some time but encourage her to think and write things down, she will be grateful because she will see that you REALLY want to know what's bothering her.

If you tell her that you can't stand the tension and that she's causing tension, what else is there for her to do but to break up with you? You are not leaving her an "out," you are putting her back against a wall.

Just be aware that whatever you do now will push her to do something of some sort. Try to act so that her reaction will be positive rather than negative--if, of course, you want this relationship. Maybe you'd be happier as a lonely couch potato abusing himself in the dark while watching hot women on TV that he can't have. ;)

P.S. Borderline personality disorder is NOT a "female" problem. Only someone who cannot get a date with anyone at all will tell you something like this.

- Response by electragold21, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, New York, Teaching

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I'd get out of this relationship as soon as possible. Do you really want to be married to someone like this and have a family with them? And, make no mistake, if its this bad now, it will only get much, much worse with time.

- Response by A Guy Critical, Male, 36-45, Military

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give her an ultimatum to find out why she is the way she is or let her go. i hate a whiner.

- Response by amandasboy, A Father Figure, Male, Who Cares?, Other Profession

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You've had alot of fine and balanced answers, but this is the bottomline: She's NOT for you. It is time to move on. Get it together, find a place and move out. Cut the relationship, it may sting awhile.

Also, I have an idea she is very immature. So, hang on, Snoopy, there's a whole world of women out there that are waiting for a nice guy like you to come along.....

- Response by pushkins, A Thinker, Female, 66 or older, Miami, Who Cares?

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Man,this is some serious shit. Its like she's hittin her horse to run but holdin it in at the same time. Now that horse gonna throw her real hard right there. Know what I'm sayin? I can see that you're divided bout this uhuh I feel ya. The thing to do is to get group therapy cos sending her alone won't sit with her. You gotta tell her that YOU need to go for therapy but you need her along for moral support.The result of those sessions will guide you into the right decision. Goodluck man. This Brother's heart goes out for you.

- Response by tashasman68, An Engaged Guy, Male, 46-55, Cape Town, Retail

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As a professional working Psycho-Social Rehabilitation and certified CPRP and CBRS. My best guess is she is Bipolar and possibly has border line personality problems. There are a lot of people out there that have not been diagnosed with these problems because they do not want to be labeled with having a disability. Trust me I have dated them and it has been a nightmare. I never stop working from my job to working with her.

- Response by fromabove, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 46-55

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