My girlfriend is never happy. She always finds a reason to complain or nag me. What's the deal?
I have been dating my girlfriend for roughly a year and a half now. When I was living at my Mother's house, everything was fine, there were never any issues.
We decided recently to move in together since she was always staying at my house anyways (5 of the 7 days a week). Since then, things have gone down hill.
We fight almost every single day. And by "we fight" I mean she finds a reason to get upset or angry with me and yells at me constantly. I've asked her multiple times what is wrong, or what has changed to make her so upset, but the only thing she ever tells me is, "I don't know".
I can't seem to do anything right. She complains that we spend too much time together (We work at the same place on the same shift), she even complained we have too many days off together. But then when I don't spend time with her, she complains I am ignoring her.
She has recently went on a character assassination of myself, stating that I never listen to her and that I am act too immature. The biggest problem I have with these claims is I always notice when she is upset and ask her to talk about it and she refuses to. She also knew who I was and my attitude towards life even before we started dating. She has only recently started to have a problem with it. I have been trying my best not to annoy of frustrate her, but there are so many things that set her off lately it's hard to do.
A good example is, I spent the entire day with her yesterday, we paid our bills, we went grocery shopping, we watched her niece and then we spent the rest of the night with friends at a local town fair. It was a perfect night. The next day, she spent the entire day with one of her friends. She laid down to go to sleep and asked me if I was going to go to sleep too and I told her "in a little bit". Suddenly she was pissed off and not talking to me because I am ignoring her and wouldn't lay down to go to sleep.
Like everyone else, I have my own personality quirks, I won't deny that. What is frustrating is that she will yell at me about something and then turn around and do the exact same thing. It's this two-faced attitude that has really got me upset. I feel like she is purposely doing this, like she is trying to make me break up with her.
when I try to talk to her about these issues, she either locks up and won't talk, or she says she doesn't know what is wrong, or she says it is my fault because I want to have these conversations. I have been trying my best to be a good boyfriend, but she is bringing me to the breaking point. My stress levels are through the roof.
I don't like fights and I don't like conflict and she is causing this on a daily basis. She is forcing me to seriously reconsider my relationship with her. I can't even find her sexually attractive right now because she has me so aggravated and upset.
We have been through rough patches before in our relationship, we were even broken up for awhile. At that time she did everything in her power to try and get us back together. We have come a long way in the short year and a half together and I'd hate to throw it away, but I am at wits end with her behavior. I have tried my best to have an adult conversation with her to try and work out our problems and difficulties, but she refuses every time. All I ever wanted was a little self control, understanding and common courtesy and I can't seem to get it.
Update: August 08, 2010.
A few days ago I sat down with her and explained to her I was very unhappy with the way she had been acting lately and how her behavior was unacceptable. I explained to her that if she continued to show me constant disrespect and rudeness I would be forced to move out.
She seemed upset and sincere when she apologized and then the next few days were very good. I spent the day helping a friend move out of his old house and then my girlfriend and I spent the day at some local festivities.
Today I somehow managed to get conned into helping her and her mother clean up some property they had in another area. I was a little grouchy about it, but I helped them anyways. The day moved on very smoothly.
When we got home I was sitting in my chair and she had a glass of something, I simply asked her, "Hey Honey, what you drinking?" her response, "What does it look like?!" in a very rude and angry tone.
I was surprised, I said, "Thank you for being so rude." and went back to watching TV. About half an hour later I went into the bedroom where she was watching TV. The whole event was already done and gone in my mind. I went to give her a kiss before I went to bed and she pushed me away and told me not to bother her. I asked her what was wrong, she responded, "You got so angry with me because I wouldn't tell you what I was drinking!"
I was dumbfounded. Seriously? I never yelled at her or raise her voice, I simply asked her what she was drinking. It started a fight again, I told her the way she was acting was unreasonable, now and about how I asked her what she was drinking and that no reasonable person would get upset had I asked them what they were drinking.
She started in with the whole, "Of course it's all my fault, it's always my fault." And I simply told her, "Yes it is, you are the one starting the fights, you are the one showing me no courtesy and respect."
I told her she needed to stop this behavior and stop it now or I was moving out ASAP. She simply rolled over and ignored me.
I am currently discussing living arrangements with a friend of mine who has an open room available.
- Asked by A Couch Potato, Male, 29-35